Are You Offended By Your Child’s Behaviour?
Do you ever feel like your child’s behaviour is a reflection on you? Are you offended by your child’s behaviour? Here is what you should do when you feel that way.
When your child shows signs of inappropriate and disappointing behaviour you may be thinking that the child is acting this way because of your parenting choices.
Unfortunately, your child doesn’t often care about your feelings when they are disobeying or having a tantrum. They simply don’t know how to handle their own emotions and are only thinking of themselves at that moment.
That’s not a bad thing, we all do that. Usually, we don’t take other people into consideration until after we processed some of the things that are going on.
If you are ever feeling like their behaviour is your fault, it’s often not the case.
Sometimes, I’ve seen parents get so offended by their child’s behaviour that they pull discipline altogether, which turns the entire situation upside-down and out of control.
Saying things like ” Why are you doing this to me” or “You’re making me crazy” are statements that indicate that you might be taking the behaviour personally. Don’t fall into that trap because that is when you begin to assume the worst of your little one.
You should know that children aren’t doing things on purpose, they often don’t have the self regulation skills they need to calm down and handle their emotions.
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Most people do personalize things such as getting angry at the person who cut in line at the coffee shop, but you know that they didn’t cut in the line just to make you mad. any parent can overreact and take things personally, and if you find your little one saying mean things to you, or calling you names, it’s very difficult to not take that kind of thing personally.
To avoid power struggles, we have to ignore those “jabs” and move on with our day. Picking the fight only if it’s really worth it.
If your child purposely broke a rule such as ate chocolate in bed when the house rule is no food in the bedroom..do you think they purposely did that just to make you mad? No, probably not. They did that because they wanted chocolate in bed and nothing more.
It wasn’t a big ploy to hurt your feelings. Therefore, if you say “you are being rude and disrespectful by breaking this rule” you focus on your feelings, rather than the behaviour, which should be addressed.
If you feel like your child doesn’t care about your feelings at all, you might be correct. Most children and teens do not have their empathy in check just yet and often push your buttons and yell at you simply because they aren’t regulating their emotions and at the moment don’t care about anyone but themselves.
If you have a child who is often displaying inappropriate and disrespectful behaviour, you might want to check out the positive parenting solutions online course to help you manage some of these things in your home.
I actually have an entire review of the course. I have gone through it when I wanted to learn more about positive parenting, and many of the strategies I write about, come from the ideologies from that course.
Here are some quick tips for you if you are feeling offended by the behaviour your child is displaying.
State That You Don’t Like It
When your child displays behaviour that is not appropriate you can let them know that you don’t like it. Besrious, stay calm and let them know that this was out of your expectations.
Remember That This Is Not about You
It is really tough to not take the behaviour personally. After all, this is your child who you have taught life lessons to, but even if your little one is screaming ” I hate you”, it’s still not about you.
Your child might be facing some big struggles, and it’s up to you as a parent to stay calm and try to figure out what the struggles are so you can guide them through with love and acceptance.
When your child is exhibiting bad behaviours, you might want to lash out and scream, but the thing that is most important is for you to stay calm. You can stay calm by focusing on your breathing and and pausing before speaking/ yelling.
You can set your anger aside and respond in a thoughtful and not so reactionary manner.
Focus On The Behaviour So You Can Change It
The bevaviour should be your focal point when you are dealing with disrespect. Try to take your emotions out of the situation and focus on the behaviour. What kind of behaviour would you like to see instead?
I know that children can push buttons and that sometimes can really get to you, but instead of reacting to the button pushing, provide consequences for the behaviour in a calm manner so you can start working towards changing the behaviour.
Here are some resources to help you with consequences:
- Setting Consequences For Kids Who Do Not Care About Consequences
- Natural Consequences You Should Allow Your Children To Experience
Think About The Lesson
When your child has a blow out you should try to think about what you want your child to learn from this situation.
You don’t have to think about this right away, at the moment. You can think about this when you have taken a step back to think and process what just happened.
When you think about the lesson, you should be thinking about what you want your child to learn from the situation. Remember that your little one won’t learn the lesson the first time around. It will take practice, and many other disrespectful outbursts before the lesson is learned.
What Can You Do When Your Child Calls You Names
When your child is creaming at you and calling you names, it is easy to be offended and even triggered to full on anger mode. Remember to take a breath and understand that your child isn’t trying to personally attack you, but is going through a hard time and doesn’t know how to deal with their emotions. The best thing you can do is leave the room. Avoid responding with unkind words.
To improve the behaviour and name calling, you’re going to need patience and calm.
Remember that your child does not yet have the skills required to process and respond in a kind and positive way.
This is why we must practice and use calm parenting strategies in our daily lives so that our children see the behaviour and hopefully model it too.
If You Are Worried That Your Child Does Not Love You
When your child is yelling at you and calling you names, you might think that your child doesn’t like you very much, or even love you at all.
Unfortunaly, they may feel a huge dislike for you in the moment because of a limit you have set for them, but overall they do love you.
If you get angry with your best friend over something, it doesn’t mean that you no longer love them, it just means that you are angry with them in that moment. It is the same with your children, especially during the teenage years.
You should teach your child to let go of anger by leading by example. Don’t linger and focus o the bad feelings, but move on.
Children live in their own little world. They learn at school without you, play and interact with friends without you and learn new things about the world, without you. This means that you are not everything they know, and your child needs you less and less.
I know that may hurt to hear. I’ve been noticing the same thing in my own children and it’s tough to live through.
Unfortunately, that is the way of parenthood. Teaching when we need to teach and being there when we are needed. Otherwise, we have to let our little ones fly.
Your child will need to leave you completely eventually, and that doesn’t mean that they will not love you when they leave, it just means you might have to step back and give them some more room.
You Are The Safe Space
Remember to always be your child’s safe space, even when they are out of control and acting emotional and a little bit crazy.
I mean, haven’t you gone a little nuts before? Lashed out for not a very good reason? We need to remember that our children are not robots. They have feelings, emotions and they haven’t yet learned how to process it all.
Your job is to be their safe space, no matter how they treat you. I know it kind of sucks to have to be the safe spot for a child who just screamed at you and called you names, but it’s the job you were meant to do.
It’s easy to remember the newborn days when all you needed to do was provide your baby with everything and anything. Remember how hard those days were? Well now that your little one is not so newborn, and no so needy, it’s really hard to step back and give space, because they simply don’t need you as much anymore.
Hurts… I know. I’m sorry.
But if you are a positive, safe space for your child, they will come back. They will learn to be kind to you again and they will learn to process emotions in time.
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