I am the mother of three children. Full-time employment that allows you to work from home. And there’s a house that won’t remain tidy for more than a minute.
There isn’t enough time in the day to perform the absolute minimum, let alone anything else. And, in the middle of it all, my children yearn to be linked to me.
They scream to be seen, heard, and truly understood.
I’d want to help people make this connection. I truly believe that. Disrespect, tantrums, acting out, and outright refusal to do what I ask are all symptoms of having a deep relationship with my children.
Finding time to connect might be difficult when life is hectic. Instead of being something loved and appreciated, it might become just another chore on the to-do list.
Focus on these three easy words: observe, open, and ordinary if the connection has become a chore or if you feel like you could need a refresher on connecting with your kids.
3 Words To Change How You Connect With Kids
Become your children’s student. Observe when they look most receptive to connecting throughout the day – do they like to cuddle in the morning or at night? Do they prefer to tell you about their day when they get home from school or before they go to bed? Take note of which interactions they appear to like – do they prefer to be busy or calm? Do they prefer to be lighthearted or serious? With time, you may notice when things aren’t quite right, when something isn’t quite right, and when they require a little more attention from you.
Make making connections a top focus. Be prepared if your child indicates that they require greater connection with you. This request is frequently made in subtle ways, such as complaining, weeping, disputing, or tantrums. Take a big breath and provide them with everything they require, even if it is inconvenient. Stop what you’re doing and be ready to listen if your typically quiet child asks to speak at an inappropriate time. Bringing up a tough issue can be nerve-wracking for some children’s, and if they are dismissed, they could be less likely to do so in the future.
Your children adore you. Supermom isn’t needed to “fix” everything. They don’t expect you to say the correct thing or perform a miracle. They simply need to know that you adore them in a way that they understand. This may imply that you make mistakes from time to time – misinterpreting their feelings, being humorous when they intended to be serious, downplaying something significant – and that’s fine. Relationships are a work in progress all the time. Apologize. And then try it again.
It doesn’t have to be difficult to connect.
Spending lengthier periods of meaningful time with each child is vital, but don’t overlook the mini-connections that happen throughout the day.
While your kid is at the table completing homework, give him a short back rub. Including a joke in your daughter’s lunch. Getting down on your toddler’s level and listening to them chatter incoherently.
I never want to be too preoccupied with my children to connect with them.
Even if it means I won’t be able to send the last email, supper will be delayed, and my house won’t be clean.
More Tips For Connecting With Your Kids
Snuggle your child for a few minutes first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Hug while saying goodbye, upon reuniting, and frequently in between. Hair should be tousled, backs should be patted, and shoulders should be rubbed. Make direct eye contact and grin, which is a unique touch. If your tween or teen rejects your overtures when she initially walks in the door, remember that you must gently into the relationship with older children. Get her comfortable with a chilled drink and a foot rub while you talk. (Does this appear to be going above and beyond? It’s a surefire technique to find out what happened today in her life. If you prioritize that, you’ll be glad a lot of the time.)
See also: Habits To Nurture The Parent-Child Bond
Laughter and roughhousing stimulate endorphins and oxytocin in both of you, keeping you connected to your kid. Making regular laughter a habit also allows your child to laugh out his fears and upsets, which might otherwise cause him to feel detached and more inclined to act out. Play also encourages children to collaborate. Which is more likely to work?
See also: Summertime Daddy Daughter Date Ideas
Turn Off The Screens
Really. Your child will remember her parents turning off their phones (for how to break up with your cell phone click here) to listen to her for the rest of her life. Even turning off the music in the car may be a strong invitation to connect, because the absence of eye contact in a car relieves pressure, allowing kids (and adults) to open up and communicate more freely.
See also: How To Connect With Your Tween
It’s true that children’s strong emotions are inconvenient. However, until your child expresses those feelings to you, they will influence his conduct. Furthermore, this is an opportunity to assist your child in resolving those issues, which will bring you closer together. So gather all your compassion, don’t be triggered by your child’s rage, and embrace the fears and anxieties that always lurk beneath the rage. Remember that you’re the only one your child can confide in, and breathe your way through it. Simply recognize all of your emotions and express empathy for your suffering.