This post may contain affiliate links. Full privacy policy and disclosure here.
✨Ready to make BIG changes on your parenting journey? Don’t miss the FREE video training: 5-Step No-Yelling Formula. Gets Your Kids To Listen The First Time, Every Time! Learn how to How to avoid blaming, shaming, or causing your kid any pain when you set consequences! Grab your spot in the FREE video training HERE…
Spanking and corporal punishment, or any other form of discipline for children through violence can cause suffering and long-term effects in children and is physical abuse, here is the science.
When adults witness cruel or harsh discipline, they cringe. Children are small and cannot understand the adult world.
They do not deserve to be yelled at or physically punished for their mistakes. When a parent yells and uses physical punishment, the child suffers for a long time from this mental trauma which can hinder your child’s development.
Harsh discipline does not occur in a vacuum. We must also consider what happens when adults do not mete out harsh discipline.
Children who are frequently reminded of their mistakes grow up ashamed of their own imperfections. They become afraid to try new things because they fear making more mistakes and being shamed again.
Children who are not corrected often grow up with distorted self-images that lead to unrealistic expectations from others or unhealthy habits like narcissism and dependence on others for validation.
When you understand the consequences of too much lenient parenting, you see why it is important to correct children without being overly harsh about it.
The Importance Of Discipline
Effective discipline does not mean beating your child and inflicting physical pain. Discipline means teaching your child by example and setting limits for bad behavior. Discipline is about correcting bad behavior and helping children learn from their mistakes.
Good discipline is about helping children grow from their mistakes and not letting them repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
When you are lenient with your child and do not give them any discipline, you are denying them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. You are also denying them the chance to correct their bad behavior and become a better person.
Discipline is not meant to shame your child, but it is meant to help them understand that some actions are wrong and should be avoided. Discipline should be administered with the intention of helping your child learn and understand that their behavior is wrong.
Discipline should not be administered with the goal of shaming your child. When you discipline your child, you are helping them understand that their actions have consequences. Discipline teaches your child that their actions have real-world results.
If your child breaks a toy, they will have to repair it or replace it. If your child hits their brother, they are punished for their actions. If your child spills food on the floor, they have to clean it up and replace it.
Discipline is not about punishment, but it is about setting real-world natural consequences for actions that your child has done.
Children are too young to understand the long-term results of their actions. They need to be corrected and shown the short-term results of their actions.
By administering discipline, you are helping your child grow into an adult who can understand the long-term results of their actions.
Discipline vs Punishment: The Science of Discipline
Ivan Pavlov (classical conditioning) (classical conditioning), a Russian scientist, behaviored a renowned classical conditioning experiment.
When a dog was being fed, it salivated.
So Pavlov (classical conditioning) devised an experiment. He also rang a bell whenever he fed his dogs. He rang the bell on its own after several repetitions of this technique.
The dog’s salivation increased when the bell was rung on its own.
This experiment demonstrated that the dog had learnt to link the bell with food, resulting in the formation of a new habit. This is referred to as classical conditioning. The bell began as a neutral stimulus but later evolved into a conditioned stimulus. Salivation was a learned reaction.
Based on this finding, it appears reasonable to assume that if a negative consequence is linked with an undesirable action, a dog, or even a kid, would ultimately learn to adopt the good behavior instead owing to the dread of the negative consequence.
Doesn’t it sound good?
But wait a minute… does this idea also apply to human children?
Yes, indeed… But there’s more to it than that.
It has to do with the human brain, as you may have guessed.
The Human Mind
Neurologists think that the human brain is divided into three areas.
The three brain areas are as follows:
- Reptilian brain: Without our conscious effort, the reptilian brain governs body systems such as breathing, heartbeat, digestion, fight or flight reflex, and other survival functions.
- Mammalian brain: The mammalian brain, often known as the emotional brain, is in charge of powerful emotions such as fear, wrath, separation anxiety (see strange situation), caring, nurturing, and so on.
- Human brain: The human brain, often known as the thinking brain, is the location of learning, reasoning, problem-solving, decision-making, and complex thinking.
So the distinction between discipline and punishment is as follows: Discipline activates the cognitive brain, while Punishment has an effect on the emotional brain.
Harsh Parenting Hurts Children’s Self-Esteem
One of the core components of growth and your child development is having a healthy self-esteem. This means that a child will have an accurate perception of their own value and worth.
A child who grows up with too much harsh punishment (authoritarian parents) may struggle with trusting their own self worth and have a heap of emotional problems and depressive symptoms. They may feel like they have failed because their parent said so.
Harsh parenting can cause children to feel like they are not worthy of love, respect, or even basic necessities. This can lead to low self-esteem and even self-doubt, even if you are disciplining unacceptable behavior.
On the other hand, children with warm parental discipline (authoritative parenting) can develop a sense of self-worth that will last a lifetime.
They can learn to trust their own judgement, know their own worth, and be comfortable with themselves.
When a child has low self-esteem, they may struggle with making decisions and trusting themselves throughout their lives. This can lead to a lifetime of suffering and it starts in early childhood from negative childhood experiences.
Harsh Discipline Can Cause Kids To Have Trust Issues
A recent study by the American Academy of Pediatrics found that the use of physical force in parenting can have negative effects on a child’s physical and mental health in the long run. The study identified risk factors such as antisocial behavior and drug abuse as being more common in children who experienced physical harm at the hands of their parents.
The American Psychological Association also recognizes the emotional pain caused by harsh parenting techniques, including verbal abuse, and categorizes it as child maltreatment. These negative side effects can lead to behavior problems in older children and can negatively impact their academic success.
The effects of corporal punishment can also be seen in public schools, where children who have been exposed to physical force at home are more likely to have behavior problems. According to Alan Kazdin, a clinical psychologist, the child’s brain is affected by harsh parenting techniques which can lead to mental pain and substance abuse.
It’s important for American parents to take a new look at their parenting techniques and to consider the long-term effects of their actions on their own children. Studies have shown that a more positive and nurturing approach to parenting can lead to better outcomes for children of all ages, including academic success and emotional well-being.
As we raise our children, it’s important to remember that the best way to encourage their growth and development is by putting their needs first and by treating them with kindness and respect. By understanding the negative side effects of harsh parenting techniques, we can make better choices for our children and for our own needs in the long run.
Harsh Discipline Can Lead To Depression, Anxiety Or Aggressive Behavior
Parents may want to give their kids a good scare in the hopes of preventing future misbehaviour. They may want to show their kids that they are in charge by making them feel like they are in trouble with their actions. But when parents use too much harsh discipline, they put their child at risk for depression or anxiety.
While discipline may cause a child to feel shame or guilt, it should not result in long-term mental health issues. Discipline that causes long-term mental health issues is considered to be too harsh.
Harsh parenting can lead to long-term depression or anxiety, especially if the child is being physically abused. If a child grows up being hit, spanked, or otherwise physically abused, they may be at an increased risk for anxiety or depression later in life. Harsh parenting can cause a child to become hypervigilant and hyperaroused.
They may feel threatened, unsafe, or constantly on edge. Hypervigilance can cause mental health issues like anxiety and PTSD. It can also lead to decreased attention span and an inability to focus on school or other tasks.
Harsh Discipline Can Cause Eating Disorders
Parents often have good intentions when it comes to disciplining their child and they are not meaning to use child abuse methods. They want their child to behave and act in a certain way. They want their child to learn self-control, accountability, and have respect for others.
But when parents prefer the use of physical punishment, they risk crossing a line and creating long-lasting trauma in their child.
One of the ways that too much harsh discipline method can cause trauma is by triggering an eating disorder. Children who are victims of harsh parental discipline can develop an unhealthy relationship with food and other self-destructive actions according to mental health professionals.
They may go on to develop an eating disorder at some point in their lives. Harsh parenting can cause a child to develop an obsession with eating. They may obsess over counting calories, measuring food portions, or feeling like they have to eat everything on their plate.
Harsh parenting can also cause a child to disassociate from their hunger. They may go on to have an eating disorder and other behavioral problems as a result of this early trauma.
Too Much Harsh Discipline Can Cause Suffering In Relationships
Discipline is an important part of child-rearing that helps children grow and develop into confident and successful adults. But too much harsh parenting can cause a child to suffer in the long term.
When parents use too much harsh discipline, it can also cause their child to suffer. In fact, a child who grows up with too much harsh parenting may have a hard time trusting or valuing other human beings.
Physical discipline of children (authoritarian parenting) can also hurt the quality of the parent-child relationship. It is simply not an effective method of discipline.
Children Are Not Self-Aware
Children are not aware of their mistakes. They are too young to understand that they are making mistakes.
When you see your child make a mistake, it is your job to correct them. You are not doing this to shame them, but to help them understand that their actions are wrong. You are helping your child understand that some things are okay, some things are almost okay, but some things are definitely wrong.
Children are not self-aware, and they do not understand that their actions have consequences. If a child spills a glass of water on the floor, they do not understand that the water has to be cleaned up. If a child hits their brother, they do not understand that their brother is upset with them and needs to be comforted.
Children are unaware of their own mistakes, and they often need their parents to correct them. When you correct your child, you are helping them understand that their actions have real-world consequences.
If your child spills a glass of water on the floor, you can tell them that they need to clean it up. If your child hits their brother, you can comfort your brother and explain that your child is upset with him.
You can correct your child’s undesirable behavior without shaming them or making them feel badly about themselves. You can correct your child’s actions while still helping them understand that they are not bad people.
You are simply helping your child understand that some things are okay, some things are almost okay, but some things are definitely wrong.
Disciplining your child in a hash way for things that are almost ok, will cause mental health problems later on in life.
The Brain And Fear
How do our brains respond to fear?
Assume you’re hiking in the wilderness when a huge beast appears in front of you. What would you do in this situation? If you’re like most people, you’d take a step back without even thinking about it.
When you get a closer look, you see it’s just a lively and friendly dog. So you unwind after making this intentional decision.
What happens in your brain development is as follows: Danger sets off an alert (and causes fear) in our emotional brain without first passing via the reasoning brain. Because you can’t afford to ponder while you’re in danger!
Cortisol, the stress hormone, is released to prepare the body to fight back or to run away (or jump back) fast. This is known as the fight-or-flight response.
All of this occurs automatically, without our having to think about what to do next. This process is critical to human survival.
This is why positive reinforcement works much better than harsh verbal discipline when correcting a child’s behavior and why use of corporal punishment can have such negative effects. consistent discipline can ward off future mental illness and avoid feelings of shame from all parties of the house.
Adults Feel The Consequences Of Neglect
When you are overly lenient with your child and do not correct their mistakes, you feel shame. You do not feel shame for your own mistakes, but you feel shame for your child’s mistakes.
You did not spill the glass of water on the floor, but you understand that your child is responsible for cleaning it up. You did not hit your brother, but you feel the shame that your child feels by scolding them for their actions.
You are feeling shame for your child’s actions because you are too lenient and do not correct them when they make a mistake. You are too lenient with your child and do not correct their mistakes, and you suffer shame for your child’s mistakes.
You feel shame for your child’s missteps, and you are letting them down by not correcting them when they make a mistake. You are not helping your child understand that their actions have real-world consequences. You are letting your child get away with their mistakes, and you are robbing them of the chance to correct themselves.
You are letting your child make mistakes without any real consequences, and you are causing yourself shame by not being a proper parent. Your child needs to understand that they are responsible for their mistakes and that they need to correct them.
You need to correct your child’s mistakes and help them understand that they are responsible for cleaning up the mess they made and apologizing to their brother.
You need to be a proper parent and correct your child when they make a mistake, and you need to stop feeling shame for your child’s actions.
Adults Are Shamed By Neglect
When you are overly lenient with your child and do not correct their mistakes, you feel guilt. You feel guilt for being a bad parent and letting your child get away with their missteps.
You let your child make a mistake, and you do nothing about it. You do not correct your child for their mistake, and you feel guilty for letting them down. You feel guilty for being a bad parent who does not correct their child for their missteps.
You do not feel shame for letting your child get away with their mistakes, but you feel guilty for letting them down. Your child makes a mistake, and you do nothing about it.
You do not correct your child for their missteps, and you feel guilty for letting them get away with their mistakes. You feel guilt for being a bad parent who does not correct their child for their mistakes. Your child makes a mistake, but you do nothing about it.
You do not correct your child for their actions, and you feel guilty for letting them down. You feel guilty for being a bad parent who does not correct their child for their mistakes. Your child makes a mistake, but you do nothing about it. You do not correct your child for their actions, and you feel guilty for letting them down.
You feel guilty for being a bad parent who does not correct their child for their mistakes. Your child makes a mistake, but you do nothing about it. You do not correct your child for their actions, and you feel guilty for letting them down.
You feel guilty for being a bad parent who does not correct their child for their mistakes. Your child makes a mistake, but you do nothing about it. You do not correct your child for their actions, and you feel guilty for letting them down.
Print This Positive Parenting Guidebook – The 5 Pillars Of Positive Parenting
Listen… parenting with connection and positivity has been seen as permissive and lazy parenting BUT this is totally not the case.
I am a mom of 3 beautiful children and I’ve spent HOURS, DAYS, MONTHS, and YEARS researching this topic and seriously, it is my favorite way to parent.
Way better than what I grew up with – which was A LOT of yelling, spanking and frankly, neglect.
This little guidebook is a golden nugget that you can have for free – and print it out! Put it on the fridge, refer to it often. It’s really a great tool for kids of all ages.
Download Your Free Printout
- Download the guidebook. You’ll get the printable, plus join hundreds parents who receive my weekly parenting tips and ideas! (Sometimes I’ll promote a parenting program, but only the best ones that are in the positive parenting community, I promise.)
- Print. Print out the guidebook!
- Place it where you can see it. There is a lot of great information in this guidebook, even though it’s small. It’s power packed full of great stuff so put it where you can refer to it often.
