Genius Ways to Minimize Sibling Rivalry At Home

A real life sibling conflict resolution solution to help bring more peace and quiet into your home from a mom of 3, a sister of 4.

Sibling rivalry occurs to pretty much all siblings, but sometimes it can get out of hand. According to clinical pediatrics, sibling rivalry includes physical and verbal attacks as well as persistent demands for attention and frustration amongst siblings.

If this sibling rivalry is not addressed, it can lead to problems of jealousy and poor sibling relationships in the future.

What Causes Sibling Rivalry?

Sibling rivalry is jealousy, fighting, and competition between brothers and sisters.

Sibling rivalry problems can begin as soon as the birth of the second child in the home and continue through childhood and sometimes into adulthood.

As children grow together, they tend to share interests and use the same toys.

Sometimes older children boss the little ones around due to the fact that they are simply older.

Having children close together is often very pleasant, however, there come situations when they spend a lot of time together and get on each other’s nerves, leading to sibling rivalry.

Whether it is big brother bossing little sister around, or little sister needing to play with big brother’s favorite truck, there will be conflict and lots of it.

Young children are not able to express their frustrations verbally and so, in turn, they act out by refusing to share, pushing, yelling, or hitting their sibling.

However, even though children bicker when they are young, their relationship can be a very special, close one. Working things out between brothers and sisters gives your children a chance to develop important skills like cooperating and being able to see each other’s point of view.

Learning to use conflict management tools within your home and everywhere else in life is good for you, your relationships, and your children too.

Conflict is a part of life.

If your children can watch you work together with your spouse on solving a problem in a positive way, they learn valuable life skills such as how to negotiate and solve problems effectively amongst themselves.

This is why you need to make sure you are setting a good example for your children every time you interact with your spouse, friends, and other family members.

They say children are like little sponges, everything you do, they model. See also: How To Teach Siblings To Be Best Friends.

What Are The Negative Effects Of Sibling Rivalry?

If sibling rivalry is not addressed when kids are small, this can cause social, emotional and psychological development setbacks.

In order for a family to remain healthy, sibling conflict should be kept at a minimum. Here are some main issues that sibling rivalry can cause according to Play and Learn.

• Lack Of Self- Identity
• Violence
• Poor Social Skills
• Causes Extra Stress and Frustration

For families with more than 2 children, it can be challenging to meet everyone’s needs accordingly, but favoring children or not addressing conflicts within the home can make it more difficult to handle other challenging behaviors in the future such as running away, lack of self-confidence and even shouting matches between you and the children.

Make sure to set up your children with successful relationship by starting conflict resolutions and encouraging connections early on in life. See also: How To Avoid Sibling Rivalry With A New Baby.

This Is what You Need To Do If You See Sibling Conflict In Your home

I have a simple solution that I use when my children come running up to me with a problem. I recently told a friend about it and she used it on her 11-year-old son. The results were magical.

Imagine your child running up to you in tears and sharing that a sibling is being really mean to them.

Mommy!!!

My brother is being really mean to me and will not share the Nintendo Switch controller.

What should your response be as a parent?

I know I used to say something like “figure it out amongst yourselves, you need to learn to get along” and this turn of phrase got me nowhere.

It got me farther away from solving the problem, and I created an even more upset child with a not really caring attitude.

Children need to learn that their parents are there for them, and brushing them off like that breaks trust, a little bit every time.

Having some parenting experience under my belt I would calmly turn to my child and say:

1. Do you want to choose to solve this on your own?

2. Do you want to choose to have me come over and intervene?

3. Do you want to choose to walk away?”

Why This Solution Works

By providing my child with choices in a heated situation rather than simply saying, deal with it on your own, I am giving direction to solve this conflict and letting my child learn the lesson so he knows how to handle the situation next time.

Nine times out of ten, the response is ” I’ll choose to walk away, but I’m still mad”.

And that’s ok.

Children SHOULD feel their feelings. The important thing is the lesson you just taught with your calm reaction to the situation.

You can even respond with an agreeable tone to encourage the decision your child just made.

Good Job! You had the power to make that choice

Providing those clear choices for the kids teaches many lessons in any given conflict.

You’re empowering your children to solve their problems by giving them the tools needed to do so.

This parenting tip is even more effective if used for all conflicts within the household.

Having children hear this method being used will allow them to understand their options and have a more clear direction on which choice they should make.

If You Have Been Dealing With Sibling Rivalry At Home And Things Are Not Getting Better, Here Is What You Should Do

A really important tip when raising multiple children is to avoid favoring a child.

This can cause extra jealousy and will lead to conflict in the home.

Another way you can help your children get along is by not comparing them to each other. Avoid using phrases like, “your sister can get ready for school on time, why can’t you?”

This is super negative, demeaning, and can cause a child to become angry, and even lower self-esteem.

As a parent, you can teach your children positive ways to get attention from each other.  Show them how to approach another child and ask them to play, and share their belongings and toys.

Lastly, ensure your children have time and space to be on their own. Sometimes life can be overwhelming, no matter how old you are, and having a space to retreat to is very important.

Kids need chances to do their own thing, play with their own friends without their siblings and have their space and property protected.

If You Are An Adult and Have A Bad Relationship With Your Siblings, Here Is What You Can Do

If you are an adult and are dealing with sibling conflict, then know that you are not alone. Many families who do not resolve sibling conflicts during the young ages have to repair relationships in adulthood. Here are some important things you can do to repair your relationship with your siblings in adulthood.

1. Practice Self Love – You are important and toxic siblings can bring you down. Use affirmations and take care of yourself to help grow your confidence.
2. Talk To Your Siblings – Having a conversation with a sibling who is causing your pain can help because they may not even know they are hurting you. These conversations are tough, but helpful in repairing relationships.
3. Seek Professional Help – Sometimes it’s ok to ask for help in these tough situations. If the problem is so bad and it’s causing issues in other areas of your life it is ok to talk to a therapist about your relationship with your siblings. It will be much easier to cope if you can get some extra help.
4. Stop Spending Energy On The Relationship – Sometimes you have to let go of toxic relationships that hurt you. I know it’s family, and you love them unconditionally, but there are certain situations where cutting ties might be the best solution.

Questions Parents Have About Sibling Rivalry

Are You Ready To Try This Sibling Conflict Solution At Home

You are now armed with a powerful solution for when your children are bickering.

I really hope this helps you create a more peaceful home environment, and helps you become a more peaceful parent also.

Try this sibling rivalry solution at home and watch your children become problem solvers in no time.

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“GENTLE PARENTING IS A LIFESTYLE THAT EMBRACES BOTH YOUR PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL BEHAVIOR, NOT ONLY TOWARDS YOUR CHILDREN, BUT TO YOURSELF TOO“

— SARA HOCKWELL-SMITH

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