Why Do Siblings Fight And How To Stop It

A real life sibling conflict rivalry to help bring more peace and quiet into your home from a mom of 3.

Sibling rivalry occurs to pretty much all siblings, but sometimes it can get out of hand. According to clinical pediatrics, sibling rivalry includes physical and verbal attacks as well as persistent demands for attention and frustration amongst siblings with different personalities.

If this sibling rivalry is not addressed, it can lead to problems of jealousy and poor sibling relationships in the future.

What Causes Sibling Rivalry?

Sibling rivalry is jealousy, fighting, and competition between brothers and sisters.

Anyone who has more than one child understands that even the best of friends may get on each other’s nerves. It’s logical, given that they’re forced to share a home and spend much of their leisure time together. They will undoubtedly compete for scarce attention and resources. Who wouldn’t become upset in the position at some point?

It can make the home feel like a battlefield, and the adults more like peace negotiators than parents. Fortunately, Stephanie Lee, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, says there is a bright side.

Sibling fights can be unpleasant, but “having siblings offers youngsters tremendous experience for social skills that they will need in the real world.” “It may be incredibly helpful if parents perceive these situations as chances to teach,”

Dr. Lee explains. Learning to deal with disagreements with siblings in a healthy way may teach youngsters about taking turns, sharing, body autonomy, when to seek help from an adult, and how to settle problems with words rather than physical force.

Sibling rivalry problems can begin as soon as the birth of the second child in the home and continue through childhood and sometimes into adulthood.

As children grow together, they tend to share interests and use the same toys.

Sometimes older children boss the little ones around due to their birth order.

Having children close together is often very pleasant, however, there come situations when they spend a lot of time together and get on each other’s nerves because they have their own differences, leading to sibling rivalry and friendly competition.

Whether it is big brother bossing little sister around, or little sister needing to play with big brother’s favorite truck, there will be conflict, even if the kids are different ages or are twin brothers it is simply a natural part of growing up with other kids.

Young children are not able to express their frustrations verbally and so, in turn, they act out by refusing to share, pushing, yelling, or hitting their sibling.

However, even though children bicker when they are young, their relationship can be a very special, close one. Working things out between brothers and sisters gives your children a chance to develop important skills like cooperating and being able to see each other’s point of view.

Learning to use conflict management tools within your home and everywhere else in life is good for you, your relationships, and your children too.

If your children can watch you work together ( you being the role model) with your spouse on solving a problem in a positive and respectful way, they learn valuable life skills such as how to negotiate and solve problems effectively amongst themselves and eventually stop fighting with each other – most of the time.

This is why you need to make sure you are setting a good example for your children every time you interact with your spouse, friends, and other family members.

This Is what You Need To Do If You See Sibling Conflict In Your home

I have a simple solution that I use when my children come running up to me with a problem. I recently told a friend about it and she used it on her 11-year-old son. The results were magical.

Imagine your child running up to you in tears and sharing that an older brother is being really mean to them or is showing physical aggression.

Mommy!!!

My brother is being really mean to me and will not share the Nintendo Switch controller.

What should your response be as a parent?

I know I used to say something like “figure it out amongst yourselves, you need to learn to get along” and this turn of phrase had no positive outcomes.

It got me farther away from solving the problem, and I created an even more upset child with a not really caring attitude.

Children need to learn that their parents are there for them, and brushing them off like that breaks trust, a little bit every time.

Having some parenting experience under my belt I would calmly turn to my child and say:

1. Do you want to choose to solve this on your own?

2. Do you want to choose to have me come over and intervene?

3. Do you want to choose to walk away?”

Why This Solution Works

By providing my child with choices during sibling squabbles rather than simply saying, deal with it on your own, I am giving direction to solve this conflict and letting my child learn the lesson so he knows how to handle the situation next time.

You want to focus on positive behavior in the heat of the moment and take a deep breath when working on the sibling relationship and fixing sibling fighting.

Nine times out of ten, the response is ” I’ll choose to walk away, but I’m still mad”.

And that’s ok.

Children SHOULD feel their feelings. The important thing is the lesson you just taught with your calm reaction to the situation which is a natural part of different developmental stages of your child. It’s important to resolve this children’s conflict so that your kids can have a close relationship no matter the age differences in your household.

You can even respond with an agreeable tone to encourage the decision your child just made about sibling arguments.

Good Job! You had the power to make that choice

Providing those clear choices for the kids teaches many lessons in any given conflict.

You’re empowering your children to solve their problems by giving them the tools needed to do so.

This parenting tip is even more effective if used for all conflicts within the household.

Having children hear this method being used will allow them to understand their options and have a more clear direction on which choice they should make. This also eliminate a power struggle and works on conflict resolution skills at the same time.

Building Positive Family Relationships

• Allow youngsters to have their own area. This might be a space that only other children are allowed to enter when they are invited, personal items that they do not have to share, or time with friends without their siblings.
• Encourage family activities or shared hobbies, such as exercising, shopping, or watching movies together. You might even establish a goal for the kids to work on together, such as preparing a special supper for the family.
• Make an effort to maintain contact with your children. Maintain open channels of communication. Assure your children that they can come to you with any difficulty and that you will do everything you can to assist them in finding a solution.
• Create a set of explicit family rules. Physical hostility, for example, is never acceptable. It’s also a good idea to specify the type you’re talking about.

If You Have Been Dealing With Sibling Rivalry At Home And Things Are Not Getting Better, Here Is What You Should Do

A really important tip when raising multiple children is to avoid giving one child special attention and preferential treatment or else you will surely notice signs of sibling rivalry.

This is the main causes of sibling rivalry and can will lead to sibling fights at home.

Another way you can help your children get along is by not comparing them to each other. Avoid using phrases like, “your sister can get ready for school on time, why can’t you?”

This is super negative, demeaning, shaming, and can cause a child to have angry feelings, and even lower self-esteem.

As a parent, you can teach your children positive ways to get attention from each other so you can foster solid sibling relationships.  Show them how to approach another child and ask them to play, and share their belongings and toys and how to deal with personality clashes.

Lastly, ensure your children have time and space to be on their own. Sometimes life can be overwhelming, no matter how old you are, and having a space to retreat to is very important.

Kids need chances to do their own thing, play with their own friends without their siblings and have their space and property protected.

What Are The Negative Effects Of Sibling Rivalry?

If sibling rivalry is not addressed when kids are small or even between teenage siblings, this can cause social, emotional and psychological development setbacks.

In order for a family to remain healthy, sibling conflict should be kept at a minimum. Here are some main issues that sibling rivalry can causeL

• Lack Of Self- Identity
• Violence
• Poor Social Skills
• Causes Extra Stress and Frustration

For families with more than 2 children at different stages of development, it can be challenging to meet everyone’s needs accordingly, but favoring children or not addressing conflicts within the home can make it more difficult to handle other challenging behaviors in the future such as running away, lack of self-confidence and even shouting matches between you and the children.

Make sure to set up your children with successful children’s relationships by starting conflict resolutions, using positive reinforcement and encouraging connections early on in life through quality time with the whole family and positive attention.

If You Are An Adult and Have A Bad Relationship With Your Siblings, Here Is What You Can Do

If you are an adult and are dealing with rocky family dynamics and ongoing conflict among adult siblings, then know that you are not alone.

Many families who do not resolve sibling conflicts during the young ages have to repair tense relationship in adulthood.

Here are some important things you can do to repair your relationship with your siblings in adulthood.

1. Practice Self Love – You are important and toxic siblings can bring you down. Use affirmations and take care of yourself to help grow your confidence.
2. Talk To Your Siblings – Having a conversation with a sibling who is causing your pain can help because they may not even know they are hurting you. These conversations are tough, but helpful in repairing relationships.
3. Seek Professional Help – Sometimes it’s ok to ask for help in these tough situations. If the problem is so bad and it’s causing issues in other areas of your life it is ok to talk to a therapist about your relationship with your siblings. It will be much easier to cope if you can get some extra help.
4. Stop Spending Energy On The Relationship – Sometimes you have to let go of toxic relationships that hurt you. I know it’s family, and you love them unconditionally, but there are certain situations where cutting ties might be the best solution.

Questions Parents Have About Sibling Rivalry

Are You Ready To Try This Sibling Conflict Solution At Home

You are now armed with a powerful solution for when your children are bickering. If you have children that are consistently fighting over the same things, I suggest calling family meetings to talk about the issues the siblings fight about often.

I really hope these helpful tips help you create a more peaceful home environment so you can enjoy calm family dinners and enjoy sibling harmony among individual temperaments in this special time of childhood.

Try this sibling rivalry solution at home and watch your children become problem solvers in no time.