Inside this post: Easy parenting tip to help your children get along and stop fighting with each other. End the bickering in your home between children and have some peace and quiet in your home.
Do you have kids who are constantly at each other’s throats, fighting, yelling whining?
For me, sibling fighting is my largest trigger that makes me go from calm mom to angry yelling mom.
I don’t like angry mom, and I don’t believe that parenting with anger is effective.
Conflict Resolution is an art that takes some practice and patience, but you can do it with these simple tips and end sibling rivalry.
Sometimes siblings fight. It’s inevitable really, I mean when people live together they get on each other’s nerves and it is up to us as parents to show our children how to resolve conflicts that arise in our homes.
I use this conflict resolution almost daily in my home and it works so well I just had to tell you about it.
I KNOW it can help other parents out there who have multiple children.
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Managing Sibling Rivalry Is Important
Learning to use conflict management tools within your home and everywhere else in life is good for you, your relationships and your children too.
Conflict is a part of life.
If your children can watch you work together with your spouse on solving a problem in a positive way, they learn valuable life skills such as how to negotiate and solve problems effectively amongst themselves.
This is why you need to make sure you are setting a good example for your children every time you interact with your spouse, friends and other family members.
They say children are like little sponges, everything you do, they model.
Why Does Conflict Occur Between Siblings?
Sibling rivalry is jealousy, fighting and competition between brothers and sisters.
Sibling rivalry problems can begin as soon as the birth of the second child in the home and continue through childhood and sometimes into adulthood.
As children grow together, they tend to share interests and use the same toys.
Sometimes older children boss the little ones around due to the fact that they are simply older.
Having children close together is often very pleasant, however, there come situations when they spend a lot of time together and get on each other’s nerves, leading to sibling rivalry.
Whether it is big brother bossing little sister around, or little sister needing to play with big brother’s favourite truck, there will be conflict and lots of it.
Young children are not able to express their frustrations verbally and so, in turn, they act out by refusing to share, pushing, yelling or hitting their sibling.
However, even though children bicker when they are young, their relationship can be a very special, close one. Working things out between brothers and sisters gives your children a chance to develop important skills like cooperating and being able to see each other’s point of view.
How To Help Kids Get Along Better
A really important tip when raising multiple children is to avoid favouring a child.
This can cause extra jealousy and will lead to conflict in the home.
Another way you can help your children get along is by not comparing them to each other. Avoid using phrases like, “your sister can get ready for school on time, why can’t you?”
this is super negative, demeaning and can cause a child to become angry, and even lower self-esteem.
As a parent, you can teach your children positive ways to get attention from each other. Show them how to approach another child and ask them to play, and to share their belongings and toys.
Lastly, ensure your children have time and space to be on their own. Sometimes life can be overwhelming, no matter how old you are and having a space to retreat to is very important.
Kids need chances to do their own thing, play with their own friends without their sibling, and to have their space and property protected.
When Conflict Hits
I have a simple solution that I use when my children come running up to me with a problem. I recently told a friend about it and she used it on her 11-year-old son. The results were magical.
Imagine your child running up to you in tears and shares that a sibling is being really mean to them.
My brother is being really mean to me and will not share the Nintendo Switch controller.
What should your response be as a parent?
I know I used to say something like “figure it out amongst yourselves, you need to learn to get along” and this turn of phrase got me nowhere.
It got me farther away from solving the problem, and I created an even more upset child with a not really caring attitude.
Children need to learn that their parents are there for them, and brushing them off like that breaks trust, a little bit every time.
So what would I do now in that situation?
Having some parenting experience under my belt I would calmly turn to my child and say:
1. Do you want to choose to solve this on your own?
2. Do you want to choose to have me come over and intervene?
3. Do you want to choose to walk away?”
Why Giving Choices Like These Works To End Sibling Rivalry
By providing my child with choices in a heated situation rather than simply saying, deal with it on your own, I am giving direction to solve this conflict and letting my child learn the lesson so he knows how to handle the situation next time.
Nine times out of ten, the response is ” I’ll choose to walk away, but I’m still mad”.
And that’s ok.
Children SHOULD feel their feelings. The important thing is the lesson you just taught with your calm reaction to the situation.
You can even respond with an agreeable tone to encourage the decision your child just made.
Good Job! You had the power to make that choice
Providing those clear choices for the kids teaches many lessons in any given conflict.
You’re empowering your children to solve their problems by giving them the tools needed to do so.
This parenting tip is even more effective if used for all conflicts within the household.
Having children hear this method being used will allow them to understand their options and have a more clear direction on which choice they should make.
Are You Ready To Try This At Home
You are now armed with a powerful solution for when your children are bickering.
I really hope this helps you create a more peaceful home environment, and helps you become a more peaceful parent also.
Try this sibling rivalry solution at home and watch your children become problem solvers in no time.
Suggested Reading For Parents:
Suggested Reading For Kids
A story about siblings refusing to share and has a happy ending.
A sweet story about mom and dad explaining that there is plenty of love to go around for all 3 bear cubs.