8 Important Things To Keep In Mind When Praising Kids At Home

Here you’ll find 8 easy ways to use praise with children which can encourage them to do great things rather than discourage them from their task at hand.

You might be thinking that praise is one of the most wonderful things that we can do for our children but did you know that too much praise can actually have a negative and opposite effect of what you’re collectively trying to achieve when using praise.

When I was going through the positive parenting solutions parenting course, there was an entire chapter in there about praise. I had NO idea that praise could be damaging to a child. The course does go into much greater detail with video explanations on the topic.

There are definitely instances where praise can help improve motivation and raise self esteem but these effects aren’t very long lasting if we’re using praise the wrong way.

When using phrase we want to encourage intrinsic motivation instead of instead of extrinsic motivation.

Here is the short answer: In order to praise effectively you’re going to want to praise sparingly and get specific about the action you are praising. Avoid using praise as a reward but rather as a tool of encouragement. Praise should be used lightly as it can cause damage to self-esteem.

Building up self esteem is a very important aspect of gentle parenting. While you’re here feel free to grab my free guide of 5 simple gentle parenting secrets that can help you raise kind and respectful kids.

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8 Things To Keep In Mind When Using Praise At Home

As a parents there is never anything that you want to do that makes your child lose confidence in themselves. Here are 8 things that you should keep in mind when using praise at home in order to raise happy and healthy children.

Praise Sparingly

The first thing that you need to keep in mind about praise is to praise without excess.

According to Amy McGrady excessive praise can make your child believe that your love and approval are directly tied to the accomplishments that they make.

Children who received too much praise could become “praise junkies” who basically crave constant praise and rely on the judgment of other people.

When you praise your child too much they can lose their intrinsic motivation and always always wait for external motivation factors in order to get important things started or finished.

Here is the result of a small study called called your children are listening.

These results were reached by psychologists and researchers after conducting significant investigation. Preschoolers were taught to sketch with magic markers in one study, for example. Some people were rewarded for drawing, while others were rewarded surprise. Others, on the other hand, did not anticipate or receive benefits.

Later, the children who expected prizes had reduced intrinsic motivation for drawing because they believed that the aim of painting was to receive rewards. Although praise isn’t a monetary reward, it can have a similar effect. Children may believe that their accomplishments and hobbies are primarily for the purpose of gaining external acceptance and praise rather than for their own happiness.

Children who receive excessive praise may eventually learn to conform rather than innovate. They’re less inclined to be creative or self-directed, and they may feel suffocated by stress. They may also choose activities that they believe would satisfy their parents and gain them the admiration they crave. For these reasons, we must use caution while praising our children.

Be Specific

Another thing that you want to remember when praising your child is you want to be specific.

Saying vague words such as “good job” is very easy for parents to do.

But getting specific as easy too. You can say something as simple as “wow you sorted your toys out very nicely”. Another example could be “you solved that math problem even though it was very difficult for you but you pushed through and figured it out“.

Getting specific and say more than just good job to your child is a good rule of thumb when you’re trying to learn how to praise your children effectively.

Be Sincere

The 3rd thing you wanna do when learning how to praise your children is it is be sincere.

It might seem obvious but the thing is as parents sometimes we brush off accomplishments that are big to the child but seem small to as parents as insignificant Even though we say that this is significant they can hear it in our voices when we don’t give enough sincerity and our answer.

When the praise isn’t sincere and your child knows that they could have done better but you overpraised their efforts they can think that there might be something wrong with them because they are expectations of your response were different than what happened.

Being sincere comes into play when we praise our children after they’ve performed poorly in something that they were excited about. Even though these are good intentions set by parents by parents they will backfire and they can make your child feel even worse.

So the bottom line is provide praise when praise is deserved.

If your child is having a hard time handling their emotions after a failure here some resources for you.

Praise The Process / The Effort

The 4th thing when praising your child child is to praise the efforts and the process of which your child took in order to achieve the end goal.

Our goal is parents is to encourage our children to keep trying keep stretching their minds keep taking chances keep learning and keep growing.

When we praise the end goal we are putting a cap on the expectation that we are asking from our child.

So the best way to encourage your child to keep trying and keep going and keep growing is too praise the process and here’s what that looks like.

“Wow buddy I really like how you use those index cards to help you study for that’s difficult exam you had.“

“Thank you for not giving up when it was really hard for you.“

“I can tell that you put a lot of time in effort into this project.“

Don’t Use Praise As A Reward

Another thing to keep in mind when praising your children is to avoid using praise as a reward.

While praise can make children and adults alike feel pretty good about themselves this is a short term feeling. For example when you offer money to kids for doing chores they are happy to do that chore because their reward is money.

But if you praise your child to do chores for for no reward they are more likely to help you around the house simply because it feels good to have a clean home and a happy mum.

Using rewards when praising your child can actually help your child perform worse next time they’re required to do that same task.

Don’t Compare When Praising

When praising your child you’re going to want to avoid comparing carrying siblings and other children around your child.

Comparing children is very bad for self esteem and Confidence.

For example if your child is in a dance class dance class and you’ve always told them that they’ve been the best dancer (compared to the others) and a new student comes along and they are a better dancer than your child, your child will be able to see this comparison right away and without even too much effort there self conference is going to drop.

Of course we want to tell our child that they are the best. But we do not need to tell our child that they are better than all the rest.

Simply telling your child that they are a very good dancer is there is good enough you do not have to go and tell them they are the best dancer.

Encourage You Child

The main goal of praising your child is to encourage your child to perform well and do better next time.

Praising your child should be a judgment free zone and it should focus on what your child did well and should not be a focus on what your expectations were of your child.

Make sure that when you use praise you’re not making your child believe that you approve of them only when they are behaving well behaving well have great hygiene and have been performing well in their studies or sports.

Establish Reasonable Expectations

When praising your child you’re going to want to make sure that your expectations of your child are reasonable.

Unreasonable expectations could get rid of any motivation that your child has because the expectations are unrealistic they could be quite stressful.

If you’ve already told your child that this is the best piece of art that they’ve ever done they might get discouraged it discouraged to do more artwork just like that 1 because they may not believe that they can repeat that same process and create another great piece of work.

Ways You Can Encourage Your child Without Praising

Sometimes limiting praise can be a little overwhelming so if you’re looking for a few alternative phrases you can use that are still encouraging but are no praise here are some ideas.

Saying Thank You

You can say thank you.

Something as simple as I think you can be a great tool for encouraging your child to do that same action again.

For example if your child picked up all their toys off the floor whether you ask them to or not and you say thank you they are more likely to pick their toys up off the floor again.

You’re basically telling your child that you see that they’ve done a good thing and but think and you associate associate this good thing as a positive action.

Ask Questions

Another way you can avoid using praise is just by being a detective and asking questions.

Ask your child questions about there are projects ask them why they drew what they drew and what their favorite part of the drawing is. You can also go and ask them what the most difficult part of the drawing was and you can even ask your child if they understand the scene that they created.

You can talk about the accomplishments and the interests that your child has and and that will encourage your child to pursue those interests further.

Don’t Say Anything

Another thing that you can do when you’re trying to avoid praising your towel too much is do not say anything. Children can tell that they’ve done a good job all on their own and praise isn’t always a requirement.

It is perfectly fine to smile and hug your child without saying anything at all and that is all the encouragement that your child needs sometimes.

Changing the Way You Give Praise At Home Bottom Line

You should praise sparingly and be clear about the action you’re praising in order to praise successfully. Praise should not be used as a reward, but rather as a motivator. Praise should be used sparingly since it might harm one’s self-esteem.

Remember that you can say “thank you” or ask your child questions as an alternative to praise. And sometimes, you don’t need to say anything at all.

8 Important Things To Keep In Mind When Praising Kids At Home