What To Do If You Don’t Like Your Kids
Parents don’t like to accept an unpleasant truth: they don’t always like their child. It’s alright if you’re afraid and feel this way. Parenting is difficult and frequently stressful, especially when our children are disobedient, rude, or not who we expected them to be.
We all have expectations for how our children should grow and act, and it can be quite difficult when these expectations are not realized. Maybe your child isn’t the person you expected them to be: maybe they’re not academically or socially inclined enough, or maybe they’re negative and prefer to whine.
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What To Do If You Dislike Your Child
Face Your Feelings
Don’t ignore your sentiments because you’re guilty or believe it’s immoral to resent your child. You don’t have to enjoy the emotional reality; all you have to do is own it. Change cannot occur unless you are completely honest with yourself about how you feel. “What am I experiencing, and why am I feeling it?”
Accept that you will not always like your children—and that they will not always like you.
Find Root Cause Of Those Feelings
Take some time to consider what is causing your sentiments. Are there any outside variables influencing your childrens behaviour, such as school problems? Is it your preconceived notions that are to blame?
Perhaps you dislike your child because they are so unlike to you. Perhaps you dislike your child because they act out, are stubborn and opposing, and make havoc in your household. All of these are understandable reasons to resent your child. Why would you want someone who mistreats you?
If this is the case, try to remember that it is the childrens behaviour that you dislike, not the child himself. We may love our children and despise their behaviour, yet the two can get entwined at times.
If you look closely, you may notice that your dislike for your child has more to do with you than with them, because it is a result of your reaction to their behaviour.
As parents, we are sometimes awakened by memories of our own upbringing, which causes emotions of inadequacy, dread, or worry. We then put our emotions onto our children. For example, if you were harshly chastised as a child for not having a perfect report card, you could be harsh on your child when they fall short of an A aveanger. Keep this in mind, but don’t let it dictate how you parent.
Accept your child for who they are, and you will be able to improve (growth mindset) your connection. If your child deviates from your expectations, manage those expectations.
Remember that, in the end, the only person you have authority over is yourself. Discover the gap that exists between your childrens activity and your reaction. It is here that you may learn to be a calm parent while being emotionally detached. Whatever your child does, promise yourself that you will strive to remain calm.
Get To Know Your Child
Make time to do something enjoyable to spend quality time together. Discover your childrens likes and dislikes with some get to know you questions for kids, as well as what makes them tick. Try to listen without judging—when children feel examined, they are more likely to respond adversely. Your child will welcome the opportunity to express themselves and tell you how they are feeling.
Even when saying ‘no’ or imposing punishments, speak to your children as though you enjoy them. Don’t scowl, and talk in a gentle tone that conveys that you care about them. It might be difficult to have a cheerful attitude when you are upset and your child has been rude.
Still, remain as cheerful as possible while dealing with children since they rapidly catch up on any bad sentiments and absorb them—or rebel against them forcefully. Remember that the expression on your face and the tone of your voice transmit far more than your words.
Concentrate on what is correct and begin to build on what is excellent. Don’t dwell on the negative or try to modify your childrens personality. You’ll have a better relationship if you strive to praise and acknowledge your childrens positive behaviour. As parents, we might be too quick to pass judgement. Make an effort to be mindful of what you say. Keep in mind that your child requires a coach, not a critic.
Finally, make your interactions more fun and less serious. Recognize that your child may have a problem, but it is your interactions with him or her that have led to your hate. Accept them for who they are and love them without being overly concerned with them.
Here’s a method that works for me. When I get up in the morning, I tell myself, “OK, not a single complaint can come out of my lips today.” I make it really deliberate thinking and action. Some of us critique so naturally that we don’t even realize we’re doing it half the time. Make a concerted effort to do so.
Take note of when your child excels at something. Draw attention to your childrens strengths and describe what you notice. For instance, you might say:
“You appeared to be about to yell at your brother, but I watched how you gathered yourself and went away. How did you accomplish that? That was rather impressive.”
If you can pull this off, it will help both of you appreciate one another.
During A Personality Clash
What if your personalities just don’t mesh? Perhaps your child is not the type of buddy you would have picked. Perhaps you are too unlike or too similar. Problems arise when you hold a lot of dissatisfaction about someone and try to alter them in some manner. That is when the downward spiral begins.
Remember that your child is not your buddy. You have a unique job as a parent, and you could be nice without necessarily being a friend.
Understanding that you do not have to be your childrens buddy can assist you in coming to terms with–and accepting–who your child is.
You’re not A Bad Parent, But You Should Work Through Some Things
By accepting responsibility for your feelings and making an effort, you demonstrate to your kid that you want things to improve (growth mindset). Inform your child:
“I know we haven’t always gotten along because I’ve been too hard on you in the past. I apologize and am working to correct the situation.”
That effort will benefit your child much. Calm down, embrace your child, and assist them in being the person they were born to be.
What You Should Do Next:
1. Subscribe To My Parenting NewsletterSign Up For My Parenting Newsletter for tips on creating a happier home and becoming a more positive parent. As a bonus when you subscribe you’ll get a copy of my FREE Growth Mindset Printout For Kids which is the KEY to raising resilient kids with a growth mindset.
2. Register For A Pretty Awesome FREE 60-Minute Class:Register for a free class called GET KIDS TO LISTEN THE RIGHT WAY; an exclusive FREE class from nationally recognized parenting coach, Amy McCready.
3. Sign Up For A 7 Step Positive Parenting CourseEnroll now in the most in-depth parenting class. After discovering these common sense, easy-to-implement, research-based tools you can learn how to:
- Easily get kids to listen – the FIRST time. No yelling or reminding…not even once!
- Put an end to daily power struggles. Bedtime became a breeze, and all the dawdling, chore wars, sibling rivalry, and mealtime meltdowns disappeared.
- Reduce backtalk by HALF! It’s simple once you know the secrets of these two ‘buckets.’
- Say goodbye to punishments that DON’T work. There’s a 5-step formula that works WAYYY better than time-outs.
- Feel amazing, confident, and empowered as a parent, every day. I NEVER go to bed feeling guilty anymore! (Okay, well maybe sometimes…’ mom guilt’ is still a thing.)