Why Understanding Attachment Theory Is Important In Parenting

Being a parent is one of the most challenging and rewarding roles we will ever play. It’s also a role that requires us to have an abundance of empathy, trust, and patience. As our children grow and develop their own individual personalities, we as parents need to know how to best support them as they navigate this new world. Attachment theory provides insights into how kids respond to caregivers as well as how adults see their own parents. Understanding attachment theory can help you understand your child better so that you can parent them better.

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What Is Attachment Theory?

Attachment theory is a theory that explains the emotions and behaviours that occur when we feel attached to other people. Attachment theory was originally developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth as a way to understand how children form emotional bonds with their parents. It’s since been expanded to include adult relationships as well. Attachment theory is built on a few key ideas. First, attachment is an instinctive need that begins very early in life. Second, this need for connection is triggered in situations where a person feels unsafe and is reassured when they feel connected to another person. And third, these instincts can be observed in very young children and across cultures. Attachment theory is about understanding the behaviour of children in particular ways. It’s about understanding why children behave the way they do. It’s about understanding the underlying emotions and motivations that drive children’s behaviour. And it’s about understanding how our children’s behaviour is shaped by the way they experienced relationships in their early childhood.

Why Is Understanding Attachment Theory Important?

Understanding attachment theory is important because it helps us to understand how our children relate to us as parents and to other figures of authority. There are many ways in which our children’s early experiences with caregivers form their adult attachment patterns. For example, an infant whose caregiver responds promptly and sensitively to cries will likely develop a secure attachment. In contrast, an infant whose cries are frequently ignored, or whose needs are often left unmet, will likely develop an insecure attachment that may require more careful parenting to repair. In addition, our own attachment patterns from our childhood can shape the way we treat our children as parents. For example, a parent who had an insecure attachment with their own parents may respond to their child with the same degree of neglect or overprotection that was experienced in their own childhood.

How Do Our Attachments Develop?

Our attachment type was probably developed during infancy and early childhood. Our attachments are formed through the way we are cared for, treated, and responded to during these earliest years. There are three main types of attachment: Secure, Anxious-Resistant, and Dismissing. Each attachment type has its own set of behaviours, triggers, and needs. Secure Attachment – The secure attachment type refers to the infant who forms a strong emotional bond with their primary caregiver. The child feels safe and confident with their parent or caregiver. They are also able to explore their environment. When the child is upset, they usually return to their caregiver to reconnect and feel better again. Anxious-Resistant Attachment – The anxious-resistant attachment type refers to the infant who feels angry and resentful towards their primary caregiver. They may cry and cry, but not be calmed easily by their parent. They may experience themselves as helpless and feel trapped in their situation. When they are upset, they may turn away from their parent and try to escape their situation. Dismissing Attachment – The dismissing attachment type refers to the infant who is indifferent towards their primary caregiver and rejects emotional connection. They may be content to stay near their parent, but experience no emotional connection with them. They may be satisfied just to co-exist peacefully with their parent. When the child is upset, they may not seek comfort from their parent.

Three Types of Attachments

As children grow and develop, they learn to respond to various caregivers in different ways. These different styles of relating to others form the basis of attachment styles. – Secure attachment – A child with a secure attachment is comfortable being close to their parent and will likely explore the world around them. They are also more likely to ask questions, seek help, and be willing to try new things. They are comfortable with their own feelings, as well as their parent’s feelings. – Anxious-resistant attachment – A child with an anxious-resistant attachment may cry more often. They may need more physical contact and reassurance from their parent. They may also be less willing to explore and be more anxious about trying new things. – Dismissing attachment – A child with a dismissing attachment may be content to be close to their parent but not show much outward emotion at all. They may also refuse extra physical contact or reassurance from their parent. They may also be reluctant to try new things and be more likely to act indifferent.

Understanding Your Child’s Attachment Type

The attachment type your child has developed will shape the way they respond to you as a parent. This can be helpful to understand when you’re parenting your child. If your child has a secure attachment, then you can expect them to be more open to exploring and growing. If your child has an anxious-resistance attachment, you may need to be more responsive to their needs for reassurance. If your child has a dismissing attachment, then you may want to proactively make more of an effort to draw them out of their comfort zone. There is no way to know for sure what attachment type your child has developed. However, there are many ways to get a general sense of this. You can observe your child’s behaviour as well as talk to them about their emotions. You can also ask their other caregivers, such as their grandparents or other people in their life. This will help you understand your child’s attachment type, which in turn will help you better care for them.

Path to Safety for secure children

If your child has a secure attachment, then you can expect them to be more open to exploring the world. You can help them to feel more comfortable by helping them to feel safe and confident. This may mean responding to their cries, helping them with difficult tasks, or reassuring them when they are upset. You can also help them to feel more confident and safe by creating an environment where they feel comfortable. This may mean putting up posters that they like, giving them a desk lamp that they like, or finding a way to keep them comfortable at night such as a weighted blanket. You can also help your child develop a sense of competency by giving them a variety of opportunities to try new things and master new skills. You can help them to feel more confident by providing positive feedback for things that they do well, as well as help them to forgive themselves for mistakes. You can also help them to feel more confident by giving them opportunities to try new things and to be challenged. For example, you can let them try new foods, join a sport, or get involved in a creative project.

Confidence Without Summering for Anxious-Resistant Children

If your child has an anxious-resistant attachment, then you may notice them wanting more physical contact or reassurance. You can help them to feel more confident by responding to their needs and showing them that you care. You can also help them to feel more confident by giving them opportunities to challenge themselves and try new things. For example, let them climb a tree, play a sport, or take an art class. You can also help them to feel more confident by helping them to forgive themselves for mistakes and celebrate their successes. You can also help them to feel more confident by setting reasonable expectations for themselves. This will help them avoid feeling overwhelmed or frustrated. You can also help them to feel more confident by being understanding of their feelings and being patient with them when they are upset.

Discomfort With Contact for Dismissing Children

If your child has a dismissing attachment, then they may not show much emotion towards you. You can help them to feel more comfortable with you by showing them that you care about them and their feelings. You can also help them to feel more comfortable by giving them opportunities to try new things or be challenged. For example, let them pick out their own clothes, decide what to eat for dinner, or choose what they want to do on the weekend. You can also help them to feel more comfortable by being patient with them and not pushing them to open up too much.

References

1. Foundations of Child Health and Development: The relationship between infants and their caregivers is crucial for infant mental health. Infants depend on caregivers for their survival, and this dependency shapes their socioemotional and cognitive growth. Secure infant–parent attachment is crucial for optimal infant mental health and relates to long-term mental and physical health outcomes in children and adults. High parental sensitivity and responsiveness to infant cues are predictors of secure attachment (Letourneau, 2020).
2. Role in Assessment, Interventions, and Psychotherapy: Attachment theory has significantly influenced the fields of assessment, interventions, and psychotherapy. Understanding an individual’s attachment pattern can inform interventions aimed at promoting psychological development and wellbeing in children and adults (Salcuni, 2015).
3. Impact on Academic Achievement and Self-Confidence: The attachment disorder in school-age children affects their academic performance and self-confidence. The quality of attachment and interaction with the mother has a strong relationship with subsequent behavioral problems and personality development in children (Khalil Nahid, Firouz Rezaian, Jahangir Mehr Afsha, 2017).
4. Attachment in Adolescence and Adult Relationships: The quality of early caregiving experiences shapes stress-regulatory systems in infants. These systems influence the development of emotion-regulation and interpersonal skills, impacting the formation and maintenance of adult attachment bonds (Waters et al., 2018).
5. Parenting Styles and Childhood Adversity: Parenting styles and childhood adversity significantly influence attachment patterns. Adverse childhood experiences can result from maladaptive family functioning and have long-term negative consequences on psychological pressures for performers unresolved regarding their childhood maltreatment (Thomson & Jaque, 2017).
6. Relation to Social Acceptance and Competence in Childhood: Children with rich knowledge of secure base interactions perceive themselves as more accepted and appreciated by peers and as more cognitively competent (Psouni, Di Folco, Zavattini, 2015).