Why Do Kids Have More Meltdowns with Mom? Understanding Toddler Tantrums
As any parent can attest, dealing with temper tantrums is one of the biggest challenges of raising young children.
You might notice that your little one seems to save their most epic meltdowns for when they’re with you, especially if you’re the mom.
It can make you feel like a bad parent, but the good news is this is a normal part of child development.
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Why Do Tantrums Happen?
Tantrums are most common among younger children, particularly toddlers, as they navigate their emerging language skills and big emotions.
When children experience strong feelings they can’t yet express in mature ways, these feelings often explode into loud noises and tears.
Common triggers include hunger, fatigue, and overstimulation from bright lights or too many people.
The Role of the Primary Caregiver
Recent studies and child-development specialists, like clinical psychologist Karen Dudley, explain that young kids often feel safest with their primary caregiver—often the mom.
This safe space allows them to release all their pent-up frustrations.
It might seem like your child’s behavior is worse with you, but it’s actually a testament to the strong bond and sense of security they feel.
Understanding the Meltdown Dynamics
When a child has a meltdown, it’s usually not about the immediate situation. Whether it’s the middle of the grocery store or at home after a long day, their bad behavior can stem from unmet needs or sensory overload.
For children with special needs or sensory processing disorder, these moments can be even more intense.
I loved this book on temper tantrums – and parenting kids in general!
Strategies for Handling Tantrums
The best way to manage tantrums is to understand their root causes and address them calmly. Here are some effective ways to handle these situations:
- Create a Safe Space: Ensure your child feels secure. A safe place, both physically and emotionally, allows them to process their feelings.
- Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their emotions without giving in to the tantrum. Statements like “I see you’re very upset” can help.
- Set Clear Boundaries: While it’s important to be understanding, maintaining consistent rules helps your child know what to expect.
- Offer Choices: Giving your child plenty of choices can reduce power struggles. For example, let them choose between two snacks or which shoes to wear.
- Plan Ahead: If you know certain situations (like public places) are triggers, prepare by bringing snacks, toys, or other distractions.
The Long Run Benefits
Handling tantrums calmly and consistently teaches young children how to manage their emotions.
This hard work pays off in the long run, leading to better emotional development and fewer meltdowns as they grow older.
It’s Not Just You
Remember, you’re doing a good job. If your child seems to have a hard time behaving in public settings or at the end of the day, know that many family members and other parents are going through the same thing.
Sleepless nights and long periods of time dealing with tantrums can make any parent feel overwhelmed, but these moments don’t make you a bad parent—they make you a real-life hero in your child’s life.
Here is a handy calm down sensory kit we like to use.
Seeking Professional Help
If you find your child’s tantrums are extreme, frequent, or linked to conditions like autism spectrum disorder or anxiety disorder, consider consulting child psychologists or a child-development specialist.
These professionals can offer strategies tailored to your child’s specific needs.
Bottom Line
The next time you find yourself in the middle of a toddler tantrum, remember that it’s a big deal in the moment but also a normal part of your child’s development.
You’re not alone, and you’re doing all the right things by being there for your child, providing a safe space, and teaching them how to handle their big emotions.
Keep in mind, being the “garbage disposal of unpleasant feelings” means you are your child’s closest friend and greatest comfort. With patience and love, you’ll help guide your little one through these challenging early years.
