The Lonely Mom: How to Overcome This Feeling And Get Engaged With Your Community
If you’re a lonely mother, you’re not alone. As much as 90% of mothers report feeling lonely. Discover proven methods for becoming a happier parent while also re-engaging your village.
Cushman (1990) discovered that after the World Wars, we have placed so much focus on self-actualization and Authoritarian parenting that we have lost our feeling of community, We believe we must do more tasks before we can enjoy the company of others. For example, we take on additional job tasks, drive the kids to and from extracurricular activities, and believe that our lives must be Pinterest-worthy before we can engage in meaningful socializing.
This post may contain affiliate links. Full disclosure here.
What was the end result? We have lost our community in the midst of our activity and desire to be and do it all.
In a perfect world, we’d all come to a halt in our frenzied dash for more and re-join one other.
We’d put down our mobile phones and overflowing calendars so we could be fully present with one another. We’d resolve to put aside our differences and accept each other as human brothers and sisters and see each other in person rather than online through our various social media feeds.
Maybe one day, we’ll all find our way back to one other. Until then, we must interact with those around us individually. We must communicate across the miles via real phone calls and letters. We need to stop conversing in 280 characters and start listening to each other’s voices. If we genuinely want the community back, we must all work together to re-establish it.
According to Dr. Brene Brown, “there is always pain in the absence of love and belonging.” Love and belonging are the paths out of loneliness and pain. The easy, yet difficult, the response is to both offer and accept it.
When You No Longer Feel Like “You”
One of the ironies of new parenthood is extreme loneliness yet never feeling alone. This loneliness stems from a lack of adult interaction, as well as the fact that you no longer feel like yourself.
Brown discusses the importance of belonging to oneself. As a result, the first person to whom I must give love and belonging is myself. If you struggle with self-confidence or self-acceptance, I hope you will start here as well.
Saying yes to help is part of self-love. You don’t have to do everything to be successful. So let go of the guilt. Say yes to a helpful hand and yes to taking some time for yourself. Start delegating as well.
If the thought of delegating makes you uncomfortable, remember that it made me nervous as well. My greatest concern was that I would take more than I could offer. I didn’t want to impose either. Recognize that loving ones desire to help each other. And, the more you share the burden of parenting, the more energy you will have to reciprocate and be there for your loved ones.
You are not only offering yourself love, but you are also re-engaging your community, which needs to be present.
Love Yourself Just As You Would Want Your Kids To Love Themselves
I want them to love themselves and know who they are at their core in order to be unshakeable. I don’t want their self-worth to be based on the opinions of their classmates, their academic or athletic talents, the number of social media followers they have (when they are eventually permitted to have them), or anything else.
Instead, I want kids to grasp what is truly important, and I want them to grow up knowing they can rely on loved ones for help. I never want their self-worth to be questioned. So, what’s the deal with mine? What am I teaching my children through my actions and beliefs? My children are once again assisting me in rising.
Make New Connections
Once I’ve learned to love myself, I must be willing to be vulnerable enough to both love myself and put myself out there. It’s no secret that rejection hurts. The only way to confront the possible heartbreak with bravery is to have enough self-love and self-acceptance to know that I’m still lovable even if you don’t like me. To discover my tribe, I must be willing to open myself up again and again, because if I lock myself off and hide the real me, how can my tribe recognise me when they see me? They will not. If I show up attempting to fit in by enjoying what you like and speaking the way you speak, I could discover a fake acceptance, but I’ll maintain the façade to remain a buddy.
I remember a certain park trip when my firstborn was just 2 and my second born a tiny newborn. I met a mother who also had a 2-year-old and we hit it off. Before leaving the park, I awkwardly gave her my cell phone number and walked back home. I honestly never thought I would hear from her again, but she invited me over for a playdate within a few week’s time. I was so excited, I was literally bouncing off the walls. I had made a new friend, and it wasn;t even that hard!
Be Available To Connect
We frequently perceive ourselves to be busy than we actually are. Dare I claim we have enough spare time to contact a friend or fill a donation box if we spend an average of three and a half hours each day on social media? Even if I truly want to accomplish something, I tend to put it off because it makes me uncomfortable. What person doesn’t? I whine about wanting it, but I don’t make it a priority. So, of course, that does not occur.
Get Out There – But Start Small
Being more connected might be intimidating, especially if you are a lonely parent who no longer feels off her game. Instead of creating elaborate plans to invite friends over, meet parents at playgroups, and do everything on your to-do list, start small.
- Make a weekly commitment to phone or Facetime a friend.
- Join a local Moms’ Facebook page and start a discussion with the goal of meeting up.
- Deliver a cup of coffee to a buddy.
- Stay for ten minutes after school or childcare just to chat to the other parents.
- Attend a playgroup with your child and strike up a discussion with the other mothers. To break the ice, try chatting to their children if it is easier.
- If you’re worried about your house being dirty, meet your long-term pals in a park, coffee shop, or nearby trail — but keep in mind that their houses are probably far from immaculate as well.
- Begin attending reading sessions at your local library.
Easy Strategies To Help You Step Foot Into Your Community
- Participate in volunteer activities at your child’s school, daycare, or preschool.
- Ask parents if they like to meet in a local park after school, playgroup, or daycare – bring extra snacks for everyone. (I usually bring basic snacks like as popcorn, baby carrots, and crackers.) They require no preparation and are suitable for children.)
- Compliment other parents in the supermarket, restaurants, and playgroups. When you’re having a bad day, nothing beats hearing someone say, “Good work, Mom.”
- Pay for someone’s coffee or provide a helping hand to a parent who is having difficulty with their children.
You Can Do This!
But connection isn’t something we can put off without paying a high price. This one should be at the top of the list, even if it is difficult or frightening. Cultivating connection will safeguard your emotional and mental well-being, and that is worth the work, my friends.
More Motherhood Articles
- Day In The Life: Work At Home Mom Routine With 3 Kids and husband
- Gifts For Moms Who Have Everything And Don’t Want Anything
- Energy Tips For Tired Moms
- How To Be A Calm Mom, Even If You Feel Angry
- Simple Stay At Home Mom Jobs
- The Best Planner For Busy Moms To Transform Your Family Life
What You Should Do Next:
1. Subscribe To My Parenting NewsletterSign Up For My Parenting Newsletter for tips on creating a happier home and becoming a more positive parent. As a bonus when you subscribe you’ll get a copy of my FREE Growth Mindset Printout For Kids which is the KEY to raising resilient kids with a growth mindset.
2. Register For A Pretty Awesome FREE 60-Minute Class:Register for a free class called GET KIDS TO LISTEN THE RIGHT WAY; an exclusive FREE class from nationally recognized parenting coach, Amy McCready.
3. Sign Up For A 7 Step Positive Parenting CourseEnroll now in the most in-depth parenting class. After discovering these common sense, easy-to-implement, research-based tools you can learn how to:
- Easily get kids to listen – the FIRST time. No yelling or reminding…not even once!
- Put an end to daily power struggles. Bedtime became a breeze, and all the dawdling, chore wars, sibling rivalry, and mealtime meltdowns disappeared.
- Reduce backtalk by HALF! It’s simple once you know the secrets of these two ‘buckets.’
- Say goodbye to punishments that DON’T work. There’s a 5-step formula that works WAYYY better than time-outs.
- Feel amazing, confident, and empowered as a parent, every day. I NEVER go to bed feeling guilty anymore! (Okay, well maybe sometimes…’ mom guilt’ is still a thing.)