40+ Confusing Messages Parents Send To Kids
As a mom of three, I’ve come to realize that parenting is basically a series of “do as I say, not as I do” moments. We’ve all been there, right?
Giving our kids a long list of contradictory commands that probably leave them more puzzled than enlightened.
So, let’s dive into the 40+ confusing messages we parents often send to our kids and try to make sense of this delightful chaos.
“Don’t Talk to Strangers, But Be Polite When Someone Says Hi”
Ah, the classic stranger-danger mixed with good manners. We want our kids to be cautious but not rude, which honestly is a tightrope walk even for us adults.
“Always Tell the Truth, But Sometimes Keep a Secret”
This one’s tricky. We’re advocating for honesty, but then there are those times when Aunt Edna’s questionable casserole has to be “delicious.” It’s all about diplomatic honesty, kids.
“Clean Your Plate, But Don’t Overeat”
Here, we’re trying to teach them not to waste food while also not to overindulge. But let’s be honest, that last bite of cake is always tempting!
“Money Doesn’t Grow on Trees, But We Can’t Buy That Toy”
It’s the age-old money lesson versus wanting to give them everything. A tough one for any parent, especially when those puppy dog eyes come out.
“Don’t Judge by Appearances, But Avoid Certain Kids”
This one’s about safety versus not being judgmental. It’s a hard balance to strike without sending mixed signals.
“You’re Too Young to Understand, But Act Grown-Up”
We want them to stay innocent but also handle responsibilities. If only there was a switch for that!
“Always Be Yourself, But Try to Fit In”
This is about encouraging individuality while also not wanting them to feel left out. Parenting is basically being a diplomat.
“Don’t Be a Sore Loser, But It’s About Fun, Not Winning”
We’re teaching sportsmanship and the joy of participation. But let’s face it, winning is fun too.
“I Love You, But I’m Disappointed in Your Grades”
It’s love versus expectations. We love them unconditionally, but those grades do matter.
“Don’t Watch Too Much TV, But Here’s a Tablet”
It’s the modern parenting dilemma. We know screen time should be limited, but sometimes we just need a break.
“I Don’t Want You to Lie, But Protect Feelings”
Here we’re teaching them about kindness and honesty. It’s a delicate balance, like not telling Grandma her new haircut is… interesting.
“Save Money, But Enjoy Your Allowance”
It’s the beginning of financial management. Save for the future but also enjoy the present.
“Treat Others Well, But Sometimes Fight Back”
This is about being kind but not a pushover. Like when your sibling steals your cookie, it’s negotiation time.
“Follow Dreams, But Choose a Practical Career”
We want them to reach for the stars but also have a backup plan, preferably one that pays the bills.
“You’re Too Young to Date, But Settle Down Soon”
Ah, the classic. Too young until suddenly they’re not. And then the grandkid hints start.
“Don’t Play With Food, But Try Everything”
It’s about manners and being open to new foods. But please, no food sculptures at the table.
“Never Start a Fight, But Don’t Be Bullied”
We want them to be peaceful but also stand up for themselves. Like a peaceful warrior, sort of.
“Don’t Be Materialistic, But Look Nice”
It’s teaching them about values versus societal expectations. Yes, those shoes are nice, but kindness is nicer.
“It’s Not About Presents, But Write Your Wishlist”
We’re teaching them the value of thoughtfulness, but also, who doesn’t love presents?
“Don’t Be Afraid to Ask Questions, But Stop Asking So Many”
Curiosity is wonderful, but sometimes, mommy needs a moment of silence.
“You Can Be Anything, But Arts is Risky”
We want them to dream big, but also have a stable career. Maybe a singing accountant?
“Don’t Procrastinate, But Relax”
It’s about finding the balance between work and rest. Still figuring that one out myself.
“Respect Elders, But Speak Up”
It’s about respecting authority but also having a voice. Like saying no to extra homework, respectfully.
“Be Grateful, But Look What They Have”
We teach them contentment but also, let’s admit, we sometimes compare.
“Don’t Give in to Peer Pressure, But Fit In”
This is about being strong in your values but also not being the odd one out. High school in a nutshell.
“No Pets, But Care for This Plant”
It’s responsibility with less fur. And yes, plants can be like pets, sort of.
“Never Give Up, But Try Something Else”
It’s about perseverance versus knowing when to pivot. Like when baking turns into ordering pizza.
“Don’t Talk Back, But Speak Up”
This is about being respectful but also having an opinion. A tough one when your opinion is that bedtime is too early.
“Homework First, Then Chores”
It’s about prioritizing responsibilities. But really, when is there time for fun?
“Don’t Be Loud, But Speak Clearly”
We’re teaching them about volume control. Inside voices, unless you’re outside, then it’s outside voices.
“Don’t Worry About Others, But Neighbors’ Opinions Matter”
This is about self-confidence versus community reputation. Like, yes, wear your superhero costume but maybe not to church.
“I Trust You, But I’ll Check Your Phone”
It’s trust with a side of supervision. Because the internet is a wild place.
“Practice Makes Perfect, But Don’t Obsess”
We want them to work hard but also not miss out on life. Like, piano is great, but so is playing outside.
“Be Yourself, But Don’t Stand Out Too Much”
It’s about being unique but not too unique. Like a unique snowflake, but in a snowstorm.
“Be Independent, But I’ll Do It For You”
We want them to learn, but sometimes it’s faster if we just do it.
“Life Isn’t Fair, But Treat Your Siblings Equally”
It’s about understanding life’s challenges but also, family justice is non-negotiable.
“Avoid the Wrong Crowd, But Be More Social”
We want them to make good friends, but not the ones we don’t approve of.
“Make Your Own Decisions, But Not in My House”
It’s about becoming independent, but under our roof, it’s our rules.
“Don’t Be a Follower or a Rebel”
We’re teaching them to be leaders, but not too revolutionary. More like, a moderate innovator.
“Be Safe, But Take Risks”
It’s about being cautious but also not missing out on adventures. Like, wear a helmet, but go for that bike jump.
“I’m Here For You, But Solve Your Own Problems”
We’re their safety net but also want them to be problem-solvers. Like a DIY project with a help hotline.
“Dessert is Okay, But Eat Your Veggies First”
It’s about healthy eating but also enjoying life’s sweet moments.
Parenting is a lot like juggling while riding a unicycle. We’re constantly trying to balance teaching life lessons with letting our kids just be kids.
And yes, it’s confusing at times, even for us.
But at the end of the day, it’s all about love, laughter, and maybe a little bit of that “do as I say” magic.
Keep on parenting, fellow moms and dads, and remember, we’re all in this wonderfully wacky journey together!
References
- Broitman et al. (2020) discuss how parents’ own family histories and dynamics influence their expectations of their children, leading to potential confusion and frustration in family dynamics. They emphasize the importance of parents understanding this process to prevent or minimize its negative impact on children (Broitman et al., 2020).
- Guernsey (2014) addresses how media research on children can become “garbled in translation,” causing confusion and conflicting messages for parents. This highlights the challenges parents face in interpreting and applying research findings to their parenting strategies (Guernsey, 2014).
- Watchman and Spencer (2020) explore how messages, both formal and informal, affect Canadian parents’ decision-making in children’s sports and free play. They found that various levels of influence, including parenting networks and community norms, can lead to message confusion (Watchman & Spencer, 2020).
- Halls et al. (2018) conducted a study on parents’ and carers’ online discussions about allergy, food intolerances, and eczema in children. They found significant confusion over terminology and beliefs about allergy testing, indicating the challenges parents face in finding accurate and helpful information (Halls et al., 2018).
- Zvara et al. (2018) discuss mother-child role confusion and its impact on children’s development. They found that role confusion can lead to internalizing symptoms and peer problems in children, indicating the importance of clear parental roles (Zvara et al., 2018).
- Matheny et al. (1995) provide evidence on the psychometric characteristics of the Confusion, Hubbub, and Order Scale (CHAOS), a measure of environmental confusion in the home. This research highlights the relevance of environmental confusion for children’s development (Matheny et al., 1995).
- Macfie et al. (2015) critically review the concept of parent-child role confusion, proposing that it is a major risk factor for a child’s development. They suggest that role confusion may adversely affect a child’s socio-emotional development, increasing the risk for psychopathology (Macfie et al., 2015).