What’s More Important Than Discipline?
While I believe our tone and actions during correction are essential, I feel we are overlooking a few key aspects of parenting.
It’s easy to lose sight of the broader picture when we’re too focused on behaviour change.
“Many people believe that discipline is the essence of parenting,” stated Dr. Gordon Neufeld. That, however, is not parenting. When your child misbehaves, parenting does not mean telling him or her what to do. Parenting is defined as “creating the circumstances for a kid to reach his or her entire human potential.”
Today, I’d want to focus on the broad picture and explore three areas of parenting that have a significant influence on our children’s development.
This post may contain affiliate links. Full disclosure here.
Want to learn how to get your kids to listen without nagging, yelling or losing control?
–>check out this free parenting class<–
3 Things More Important Than Discipline
The most essential aspect of parenting, in my opinion, is the bond we have with our children. How effectively they listen to us, accept our limitations and values, and collaborate is determined by the value of our connection. Our connection serves as a model for future relationships since it is where they learn what human relationships are like.
We have established a good standard if we have a healthy relationship built on trust, empathy, respect, and compassion. Intimidation, control, compulsion, or fear in a relationship lowers the bar and makes this type of connection acceptable.
To create a fantastic connection, follow these steps:
- Spend quality time with your child doing activities that he or she enjoys.
- Enter their spheres of influence and interact with them there.
- Listen attentively.
- Make good on your commitments. Be dependable.
- Rather than shrugging aside unwanted emotions, show compassion and empathy.
- Encourage others and reflect light.
- Respect one another.
- Positive discipline should be used.
Here is a must-read on relationships: Parenting Mindset: Your Relationship Is Affected by How You See Your Child on Bad Days
Create A Family Culture
The family culture you build is the experience you provide for your children. It’s a complicated tale including ideas, attitudes, values, habits, and traditions, among other things. Your family culture is essentially the environment in which you raise your children. It has a significant impact on who people become.
Your Relationship With Spouse
How you connect with your spouse/partner is something your children are observing and learning from. You are their first introduction to romantic relationships, and they frequently reflect what they see every day. Here are five suggestions for improving your connection with your partner.
Emotional tanks should be filled. Every person has an emotional tank that has to be replenished. When your emotional tank runs out, much like your car’s petrol tank, your relationship begins to splutter. It may completely break down if the tank is empty.
Keep your partner’s tank filled by being aware of emotions and recognizing when he or she is pleased, sad, enthusiastic, concerned, etc.; make daily emotional deposits – encouraging words and affirmations or loving actions(love language); and listen to dreams, hopes, ideas, and wishes.
Concentrate on the good. Focusing on what you don’t have leads to bad sentiments in your relationship. Instead, concentrate on your partner’s excellent characteristics and make a point of publicly expressing your respect and gratitude.
Make a productive argument. Although conflict is unavoidable, connected couples establish ground rules for resolving disagreements and avoid fighting dirty.
Be a flirty person. Don’t give up on courting your mate. A wink across the table, dress up, tell inside jokes, and kiss frequently.
Leadership should be shared. While it’s good to agree to assign duties, running a household and raising children isn’t simply one partner’s responsibility. Everything is done in a team effort.
What You Should Do Next:
1. Subscribe To My Parenting NewsletterSign Up For My Parenting Newsletter for tips on creating a happier home and becoming a more positive parent. As a bonus when you subscribe you’ll get a copy of my FREE Growth Mindset Printout For Kids which is the KEY to raising resilient kids with a growth mindset.
2. Register For A Pretty Awesome FREE 60-Minute Class:Register for a free class called GET KIDS TO LISTEN THE RIGHT WAY; an exclusive FREE class from nationally recognized parenting coach, Amy McCready.
3. Sign Up For A 7 Step Positive Parenting CourseEnroll now in the most in-depth parenting class. After discovering these common sense, easy-to-implement, research-based tools you can learn how to:
- Easily get kids to listen – the FIRST time. No yelling or reminding…not even once!
- Put an end to daily power struggles. Bedtime became a breeze, and all the dawdling, chore wars, sibling rivalry, and mealtime meltdowns disappeared.
- Reduce backtalk by HALF! It’s simple once you know the secrets of these two ‘buckets.’
- Say goodbye to punishments that DON’T work. There’s a 5-step formula that works WAYYY better than time-outs.
- Feel amazing, confident, and empowered as a parent, every day. I NEVER go to bed feeling guilty anymore! (Okay, well maybe sometimes…’ mom guilt’ is still a thing.)
More Discipline Tips
- How To Teach Lessons Through Discipline Instead Of Shame
- Mistakes You May Be Making When Responding To Tantrums
- 5 Powerful Responses For Backtalk
- How You May Accidentally Be Raising Ungrateful Children (And how To Fix That)
- What Is Positive Discipline: 6 Simple Techniques To Use At Home
- Setting Consequences For Kids Who Do Not Care About Consequences
- Is Positive Parenting Solutions Parenting Course Worth It? (Yes…But Why?)
- Natural Consequences You Should Allow Your Children To Experience
- 8 Easy Ways To Battle The “I Can’t Do It” Attitude
- Tips For Parenting An Angry Child
- The Evolutionary Layers Of The Human Brain
- Pavlov’s Dogs. By Saul McLeod
- The “triune brain” is the hypothesis of neurologist Paul MacLean. By Fragua Neiva
- Does stress damage the brain? By Bremner JD.
- Managing Stress: Principles and Strategies for Health and Wellbeing by Brian Luke Seaward
- Fear conditioning, synaptic plasticity and the amygdala: implications for posttraumatic stress disorder by Amy L. Mahan and Kerry J. Ressler
- Limbic system – Emotional Experience by Srdjan D. Antic, M.D
- The Role of the Family Context in the Development of Emotion Regulation. By Amanda Sheffield Morris, Jennifer S. Silk, Laurence Steinberg, Sonya S. Myers, Lara Rachel Robinson
- Children’s misbehaviors and parental discipline strategies in abusive and nonabusive families. By By Trickett, Penelope K.,Kuczynski, Leon
- Childhood maltreatment is associated with altered fear circuitry and increased internalizing symptoms by late adolescence. By Ryan J. Herringa, Rasmus M. Birn, Paula L. Ruttle, Cory A. Burghy, Diane E. Stodola, Richard J. Davidson, and Marilyn J. Essex
- Fear conditioning, synaptic plasticity and the amygdala: implications for posttraumatic stress disorder. By Amy L. Mahan, Kerry J. Ressler
- The Role of the Family Context in the Development of Emotion Regulation. By Amanda Sheffield Morris, Oklahoma State University, Jennifer S. Silk, University of Pittsburgh, Laurence Steinberg, Temple University, Sonya S. Myers and Lara Rachel Robinson, University of New Orleans
- The Relation between Mothers’ Hostile Attribution Tendencies and Children’s Externalizing Behavior Problems: The Mediating Role of Mothers’ Harsh Discipline Practices. By Nix RL, Pinderhughes EE, Dodge KA, Bates JE, Pettit GS, McFadyen-Ketchum SA.
- Parental Reactions to Children’s Negative Emotions: Longitudinal Relations to Quality of Children’s Social Functioning. By Nancy Eisenberg, Richard A. Fabes, Stephanie A. Shepard, Ivanna K. Guthrie, Bridget C. Murphy and Mark Reiser
- The Child’s Behavioral Pattern as a Determinant of Maternal Punitiveness. By Raymond K. Mulhern, Jr. and Richard H. Passman http://www.jstor.org/stable/1128948?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents
- The Contributions of Ineffective Discipline and Parental Hostile Attributions of Child Misbehavior to the Development of Conduct Problems at Home and School. By Snyder J, Cramer A, Afrank J, Patterson GR.
- Immediate and Sustained Effects of Parenting on Physical Aggression in Canadian Children Aged 6 Years and Younger. By Benzies, Karen, Keown, Leslie-Anne, Magill-Evans, Joyce
- Slapping and spanking in childhood and its association with lifetime prevalence of psychiatric disorders in a general population sample. By MacMillan HL, Boyle MH, Wong MY, Duku EK, Fleming JE, Walsh CA.
- Friendship as a moderating factor in the pathway between early harsh home environment and later victimization in the peer group. By Schwartz, D., Dodge, K. A., Pettit, G. S., Bates, J. E., & The Conduct Problems Prevention Research Group. (2000)
- Parenting Practices and Child Disruptive Behavior Problems in Early Elementary School by Elizabeth A. Stormshak, Karen L. Bierman, […], and Conduct Problems Prevention Research Group
- There is no convincing evidence for operant or classical conditioning in adult humans. By Brewer, William F., Weimer, Walter B. and Palermo, David S.
- The Mirror Neuron System and Observational Learning: Implications for the Effectiveness of Dynamic Visualizations. By Tamara van Gog, Fred Paas, Nadine Marcus, Paul Ayres and John Sweller
- Parenting Through Change. By David S. DeGarmo and Marion S. Forgatch
- Effective discipline for children. Paediatr Child Health. 2004 Jan; 9(1): 37–41.
- Does Rejection Hurt? An fMRI Study of Social Exclusion. By Naomi I. Eisenberger, Matthew D. Lieberman, Kipling D. Williams, 2003
- You Said WHAT About Time-Outs?! By Dan Siegel, 2014