Tips For Parenting a High Spirited Child

As a mom of three, I’ve come to realize that each child is unique.

While my first two kids are relatively calm and easy-going, my third child is what you might call a “spirited child.”

Spirited children are known for their boundless energy, strong-willed temperament, and big feelings.

They often require a different parenting approach compared to their more laid-back siblings.

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Understanding the Spirited Child

A spirited child is not a “bad kid” but rather one with specific temperament traits that make them more intense, persistent, and sensitive. Dr. Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, a leading expert in this field, describes spirited children as having a high needs and unique personality traits that can be both challenging and rewarding for parents. Recognizing and understanding these traits is the first step in effectively parenting a spirited child.

Personality Traits of Spirited Children

Spirited children often exhibit the following traits:

• Boundless Energy: They are always on the go, full of enthusiasm, and rarely seem to tire.
• Strong-Willed Temperament: They know what they want and are determined to get it, often leading to power struggles.
• Big Feelings: Their emotions are intense, and they feel things deeply, leading to frequent temper tantrums.
• Extra Sensitive: They are highly sensitive to changes in their environment, new situations, and even their clothing.

Embracing the Challenges

Parenting a spirited child can be a difficult time, but it is also a great opportunity to foster positive traits that can turn them into great leaders. Here are some effective ways to navigate the challenges:

Power Struggles and Temper Tantrums

Power struggles and temper tantrums are common with spirited children. They often want to do things their own way, which can clash with the way things need to be done. The key is to pick your battles and focus on the important rules that matter the most.

Clear Expectations: Set clear expectations and stick to them. For example, if you’re going to the grocery store, let your child know what behavior is acceptable and what the consequences will be for not following the rules.

Positive Parenting Strategies: Use positive parenting strategies to guide your child’s behavior. Praise good behavior and use natural consequences to teach lessons. For instance, if your child throws a toy, the toy gets put away for a while.

Managing Big Feelings

Spirited children feel emotions intensely, which can lead to angry outbursts and difficult behavior. Helping your child manage these big feelings is crucial.

Deep Breaths and Calming Techniques: Teach your child to take deep breaths or use other calming techniques when they start to feel overwhelmed. A calm-down corner with books, a bubble bath, or a favorite picture book can be helpful.

Warm Connection: Build a warm connection with your child. Spend quality time together, listen to their concerns, and validate their feelings. This strengthens the parent-child relationship and helps them feel understood.

Daily Routines and Consistency

Spirited children thrive on routine and consistency. Establishing predictable daily routines can make a big difference in managing their behavior.

Morning Routines and Bedtime Stories: Start the day with a consistent morning routine and end it with calming bedtime stories. This helps your child know what to expect and reduces anxiety.

Family Life: Involve your child in family life by giving them responsibilities that match their strengths. This helps them feel valued and gives them a sense of control.

Celebrating the Positives

Despite the challenges, there are many positive traits to celebrate in spirited children. Their high energy, creativity, and enthusiasm can be channeled into productive activities.

Fostering Their Strengths

Identify your child’s strengths and find ways to nurture them. If they have boundless energy, sign them up for sports or physical activities. If they are extra sensitive, encourage them to engage in activities that foster empathy, such as volunteering or helping others.

Encouraging Experiential Learning

Spirited children are often experiential learners who thrive on hands-on activities. Encourage their curiosity and love of learning by providing opportunities for them to explore and discover new things.

Play Dates and Social Interaction: Arrange play dates with other spirited children. This helps them learn social skills and provides an outlet for their high energy.

Rock Wall and Physical Challenges: Set up physical challenges like a rock wall or obstacle course in your backyard. These activities not only burn off energy but also build confidence and resilience.

Positive Parenting: The Right Way

Adopting a positive parenting style is essential when raising a spirited child. This approach focuses on understanding your child’s unique needs and responding with empathy and patience.

Unconditional Love and Support

Show your child unconditional love and support, regardless of their behavior. Let them know that they are loved for who they are, not just for how they behave.

Setting Boundaries with Empathy

Set boundaries with empathy and explain the reasons behind the rules. For example, instead of saying, “No, you can’t do that,” try saying, “I understand you want to play outside, but it’s time to do homework first. After that, we can go to the park.”

Positive Reinforcement

Use positive reinforcement to encourage good behavior. Reward your child with praise, stickers, or a small treat when they follow the rules or show improvement in their behavior.

The Joys of Raising a Spirited Child

Raising a spirited child can be challenging, but it is also incredibly rewarding. These children are full of life, passion, and potential. By understanding their unique needs, embracing positive parenting strategies, and celebrating their strengths, you can help your spirited child thrive.

Remember, there is no one right way to parent a spirited child. Each child is different, and what works for one may not work for another. The key is to stay patient, stay positive, and keep learning. Parenting a spirited child is hard work, but the joy and fulfillment it brings are well worth the effort. So take a deep breath, embrace the journey, and know that you’re doing a great job.