Do you speak your child’s love language? Here are the 5 love languages of children according to Gary Chapman so you can find the different ways to fill your child’s emotional tank and express love to create a stronger relationship.
The notion of love languages was first established by Gary Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell. Dr. Campbell is the author of the bestselling book The Five Love Languages of Children.
Some people express their love through physical contact, while others express it through words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, or quality time.
Different love languages are widespread in families, and navigating them can be difficult. Learning your child’s love language, on the other hand, may make all the difference in your connection and their happiness.
Children’s Love Languages
Nothing is more essential to a child than feeling loved, safe, and accepted by his or her parents.
In fact, all of the positive parenting books state that connection is the foundation of the parent-child relationship and that it is this connection that gives children confidence, reassures them that they are lovable, and serves as a safety net that allows resilient children to try new, difficult things without fear of failure.
Different kinds of attention and love are desired by different children, which is why it’s important to find your child’s primary love language so you can fill their love tanks in practical ways.
It wasn’t until I learned about the five love languages that I realized why different little children required various types of connections using different languages of unconditional love.
I discovered the missing connection to his behavior and why nothing I was doing appeared to help after reading an article about Dr. Gary Chapman, Ph.D., a marriage counsellor known for his best-seller The 5 Love Languages of Children.
These five love languages of children apply to both children and adults.
We all express and experience love in the same five ways, according to Chapman’s work—through physical contact, quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, and acts of service—but everyone has one method that means most to them.
Dr. Chapman, who subsequently co-wrote The 5 Love Languages of Children, believes that simply loving your children isn’t enough. “You must be able to convey love to a child in such a way that he truly feels loved.”
How to Figure Out What Your Child’s Love Language Is
I could see why giving my middle son verbal reassurances or applauding his abilities didn’t mean as much as going outdoors to throw the ball or riding my bike beside him after reading Dr. Chapman’s article on the 5 love languages.
I can turn off his bad moods or backtalk now that I know how to replenish his love tank with quality time – my child’s primary language.
While Chapman believes that children need to experience love in all five love languages, you should fill your children’s love bucket with their favorite love language. That means I still snuggle up to him and tell him 20 times a day that I love him.
This can help you avoid misbehavior and improve your bond!
However, before you can begin to nurture your flourishing child you have to understand the concept of love languages so you can show your own expressions of love and find your children’s love language.
The easiest approach to accomplish this is to pay attention to your children’s requests and how he expresses his affection for you. This is because children request affection and attention in the manner in which they would like to receive it.
Another approach to figure out what their love language is is to keep in mind that kids provide the kind of attention that they want the most.
These Are The 5 Love Languages Of Kids
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
Dr. Chapman discovered the most frequent of the five love languages after interviewing a group of people. The results of the poll were as follows:
Words of Affirmation: 23 percent.
Quality time: 20 percent.
Acts of service: 20 percent.
Physical touch: 19 percent.
Receiving gifts: 18 percent.
You can connect with your child on a deeper level that matters more to them once you know what their love language is. Here’s how to play detective and figure out what your children’s love language is by watching or listening to them.
Love Language: Physical Touch
Do you have a child that wants to be hugged and snuggled all of the time? Asks to sit on your lap? Wants to be cuddled and has a strong need for attention?
PHYSICAL TOUCH might be your children’s love language.
Physical touch love language is the language that Dr. Chapman’s son likes. He claims that when he returned home, he would rush to the door, grab my leg, and climb all over me.
Hugs and kisses are the most frequent methods to express affection, but there are other options as well.
According to Laura Markham, Ph.D., author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, if children are continually in your space, touching you, or playing with your hair, it’s an indication that they need to be touched more.
According to research, children who lack parental warmth and love are more stressed, since their parents place too much pressure on them to achieve without balancing it with care.
To show your child with physical touch as the child’s preferred love language that you care, do the following:
- Snuggle frequently, give high-fives, give hugs, hold hands, and massage your hand, back, leg, or foot.
- When your child is sad, ask if they want a hug or if they need affection.
- With him, wrestle or roughhouse.
- Give kisses and tenderness on a regular basis.
- Squeezing their hand three times signifies “I love you,” therefore creating a creative handshake or silent gesture like that.
- Give hugs in the morning and at night.
Love Language: Quality Time
Do you have a child that says things like “look at this,” “see this!” or “let me show you something” to get you to watch them? They invite you to play with them? Demands your undivided attention so that you may observe them or spend one-on-one time with them?
QUALITY TIME might be your children’s love language.
Quality time is the love language of young children who just want your undivided attention.
Focused attention equals quality time.
Give them at least 10 minutes of your undivided attention each day to fill their love bucket. But I don’t mean sitting on the couch and watching TV. I’m talking about spending time with your child and doing something they enjoy.
It could be sitting in bed talking before falling asleep, playing Uno after school, riding bikes or shooting hoops together.
- Carve out special one-on-one time with your child every day to fill their love bucket.
- When your child begs you to play with them or watch them, halt what you’re doing and pour 10 minutes of your time into their love bucket.
- Make your presence known to your child. You don’t have to keep up a constant dialogue with them. It’s enough to simply sit next to them and read while they complete their schoolwork.
- Play board games
- Enjoy family fun nights together
- When you need to punish them, don’t put them in a time-out or send them to their room and instead use connection.
Love Language: Words of Affirmation
Are you the parent of a child who: When you praise or provide good feedback to your child, they light up? Says lovely things to you such as, “You’re the best mommy” or “I love you so much, mom.”? Wants to hear you recount stories about them and enjoys listening to you tell them.
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION might be your children’s love language.
Words have a lot of power when it comes to conveying affection according to gary chapman’s book.
When you compliment, praise, and talk well about your child, they feel loved. They get a kick out of hearing about all the things you like about them.
- Tell your child you love them frequently without adding a “but” after your words of affection, otherwise they will believe your love is conditional.
- Leave them small notes, such as a text message or a note in their lunch box.
- Praise the qualities and features you admire the most about them to reinforce their love language of words of affirmation.
- Tell them how important they are to you by looking them in the eyes.
- Allow your child to overhear you bragging about them to a family member or friend.
Love Language: Gifts
Do you have a child that adores receiving gifts? Unwraps a present with care and treasures it?
Doesn’t desire any additional things, yet when they receive a present, they feel loved? Years after receiving a present, he remembers it?
Your Child’s Love Language could be GIFTS.
A person whose major love language is gifts, according to Dr. Chapman, will cherish the packaging as much as the item itself. They’ll remember the present and how it was wrapped for months or even years after they’ve received it.
Is there yet another sign? Even if it hasn’t been played with in years or is broken or missing pieces, your child has a hard time putting away items they’ve received over the years.
- Presents are not seen as a tangible thing by children whose love language gifts, but rather as a statement of your affection for them.
- You don’t have to lavish your child with toys and presents to demonstrate your love. Every time your child uses the occasional art tools, they will be reminded of your love for them.
- Thoughtful gifts do not have to be purchased from a store. A handwritten message, an “I love you” on a napkin in their lunchbox, a flower on their pillowcase or a piece of mail addressed to them in the mailbox are all examples of thoughtful gestures.
- Stickers and start charts, according to Harvey Karp, M.D., author of the book The Happiest Baby on the Block, may also help children feel appreciated.
- Don’t forget to appreciate the things your child gives you.
Love Language: Acts of Service
Are you the parent of a child who: They want you to do things for them, usually things they already know how to do or can accomplish? Begs you to assist them by fixing a toy, making their bed, and so on? Says something like, “You do it for me,” or “Are you unable to do it?”
ACTS OF SERVICE might be your children’s love language.
When your child asks you to “do it for me” when you know they can do it themselves, you may feel like a servant. This could be true, however, when they ask you to do anything for them, it’s because acts of service are their love language, and they can sense your love when you help them.
You don’t have to comply with every request since it’s important for your child to be self-sufficient, but the sooner you do, the better.
- Helping your child with a task they already know how to do for themselves is a great way to show them you care – just be cautious not to get into the habit of cleaning up after them or performing their tasks simply because they asked.
- Small acts of service might include tying their shoes, hanging a damp towel, or warming a blanket in the dryer on a cold day… go a long way toward ensuring that your child feels cherished.
Love Languages Of Children
Love languages, according to Chapman, are comparable to personality qualities in a person and stay with you for the rest of your life. However, for some people, they will alter as they progress through life and as they become older.
As they get older or the environment at home changes, a cuddly toddler whose love language was formerly physical contact may evolve to favour quality time.
The easiest method to find out is to observe your children’s behavior and pay attention to their activities toward you.