Baby Cries When Dad Holds Them: Soothing Strategies for Fathers
It can be heartbreaking when your baby cries every time Dad picks them up.
If you’re facing this situation, know that you’re not alone — and it doesn’t mean your baby doesn’t love or recognize their father.
In fact, this is a completely normal phase of development!
Let’s explore the reasons why this happens and practical soothing strategies for dads to strengthen their bond and bring calm to these emotional moments.
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Understanding Why Your Baby Cries When Dad Holds Them
1. Preference for the Primary Caregiver
Babies often form strong attachments to their primary caregiver, typically the parent who spends the most time with them. If Mom is the one primarily feeding, soothing, and spending time with the baby, it’s natural for the baby to seek that familiarity.
2. Differences in Scent, Voice, and Feel
Newborns and infants are incredibly sensitive to sensory cues. A different scent, a deeper voice, or a different way of holding can initially feel strange and even overwhelming to a baby, causing them to cry.
3. Developmental Stages and Separation Anxiety
Around 6–9 months, babies begin experiencing separation anxiety. They become more aware of who their main caregivers are — and may react with tears when anyone else, even Dad, tries to hold them.
How Dads Can Build a Strong Bond with Their Baby
The good news is that bonding is absolutely possible, and crying phases typically pass with consistency and patience. Here’s how fathers can create meaningful, comforting connections.
1. Skin-to-Skin Contact
Skin-to-skin bonding isn’t just for moms. Dads holding their babies against their bare chest helps regulate the baby’s heartbeat, breathing, and temperature — and it also helps babies feel secure and calm.
2. Create a Special Routine
Start a unique, predictable routine that’s just between Dad and baby.
Examples:
- Dad handles bathtime every evening.
- Morning cuddle time while Mom prepares breakfast.
- A daily stroller walk or baby carrier outing.
Consistency helps babies form positive associations with Dad’s presence.
3. Use Soothing Voice and Gentle Movements
Babies respond strongly to tone and movement. Dads can try:
- Speaking softly and rhythmically.
- Gentle swaying or rocking motions.
- Humming or singing lullabies in a low voice.
These comforting behaviors can ease the baby’s tension over time.
4. Feedings and Caregiving Tasks
Whenever possible, dads should participate in:
- Bottle feeding (if bottle-fed).
- Diaper changes.
- Dressing the baby.
- Helping with bedtime routines.
Hands-on caregiving fosters familiarity and builds trust beyond just playtime.
What To Do In the Moment When Baby Cries with Dad
1. Stay Calm
Babies pick up on emotional energy. If Dad remains calm and reassuring, it signals safety to the baby — even if there are tears at first.
2. Try a Transitional Item
Using something familiar like Mom’s shirt draped over Dad’s shoulder can help bridge the sensory gap while baby adjusts.
3. Gradual Approach
Instead of swooping in for a full hold, Dad can start by sitting close by, talking softly, and slowly moving to holding the baby when they seem more relaxed.
When Should You Worry?
If a baby cries with everyone except Mom and the behavior persists beyond 18 months with no signs of improvement, it might be worth discussing with a pediatrician.
However, in most cases, the phase of “baby cries when dad holds them” resolves naturally with time and consistency.
FAQs: Baby Cries When Dad Holds Them
Why does my baby only cry when Dad holds them?
Babies often prefer the parent they spend the most time with, especially in the early months. Sensory differences like voice, scent, and touch can also feel unfamiliar, causing temporary distress when Dad holds them.
How can fathers bond with a crying baby?
Skin-to-skin contact, creating daily rituals, participating in caregiving tasks, and soothing with voice and movement are all powerful ways for fathers to build a close, secure bond — even through some tears at first.
Should we force the baby to stay with Dad if they are crying?
No. It’s better to offer gentle, positive exposure over time. Gradually increasing comfort and trust builds better long-term relationships than forcing stressful experiences.
How long does the “baby cries when Dad holds them” phase last?
It varies, but most babies outgrow this phase within a few months as they become more secure with both parents. Consistency, patience, and calm reassurance are key.
What can Mom do to support the bond between Dad and baby?
Moms can encourage bonding by stepping back during certain activities, letting Dad take the lead even if there’s initial fussiness, and providing reassurance that tears are temporary and part of healthy adjustment.
Final Thoughts: Baby Cries When Dad Holds Them — And That’s Okay
It’s tough to see your little one upset, but remember: crying doesn’t mean rejection.
With time, presence, and love, fathers can build beautiful, lasting bonds with their babies — bonds that will last a lifetime. Stay patient, stay consistent, and celebrate every tiny victory along the way.
