How to create a calm down corner and why it is an effective way to calm down a child who needs a little help regulating some big emotions.
Children experience big feelings and strong emotions, and sometimes those emotions are hard to control.
They can be difficult for adults to control, so imagine being a child and learning all these new skills on a daily basis.
Controlling emotions is not an easy task for anyone, so sometimes it’s not a bad idea to provide a gentle helping hand to teach children how to self-regulate and handle these emotions.
You can help your child combat some of these big feelings by providing them space where they can remain calm and not get overstimulated.
This space should be comfortable and calming so children can feel relaxed and can calm their minds and bodies as well as process some of the big feelings they may be feeling.
some parents may call this a mindfulness corner, or a calm down corner and sometimes parents even just refer to the space as the quiet time area.
Whatever you decide to call your calming space, is should be a place where children can go when they are feeling angry or upset.
It is not a negative space, and not a place for punishment in any way.
If you are interested in learning more about the calm down corner and how you can use one in your home, keep on reading.
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Why a Calm Down Corner is important for positive parenting
There are many reasons why every home should have a calm down corner but the most important one is that children do not misbehave and explode with big emotions because they want to like it’s the cool thing to do.
Not at all.
Children have trouble understanding their feelings and do not know how to regulate their emotions until later in life. Actually, some adults do not possess the power to regulate their emotions, because it is HARD, and expecting little minds to grasp the concept is a little nuts.
If you want to learn more about what happens to your brain when you are angry, here is a great resource for you.
You can create a great teaching moment when you provide your child the space they need to process their feelings when they are experiencing symptoms of distress.
The entire purpose of the calm down corner is to get out of the angry quick reaction phase and engage the thinking part of the brain.
Children cannot learn any lessons that we may try to teach them until they are calm and the anger has subsided.
This is why a calm down corner works so well. It can help your child calm down and re engage the brain.
Time out is often perceived as a threat for many kids and causes further feelings of hurt and angry, which keep children locked into the anger instead of releasing the anger and getting the brain activated again for information processing.
A calm down corner is also a great way to eliminate the use of negative punishment in your home and promote healthy and happy positive parenting practices, otherwise known as authoritative parenting.
Additionally to promoting the use of positive discipline, there are some other great benefits to using the calm down corner in your home.
Building Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence takes some time to learn. It is the ability to recognize how we feel and how others feel, which leads us into our next behavior decision.
During the toddler years, children learn about basic feelings such as sad, mad, happy, tired, etc. Later in life, we learn about more complex feelings as we experience them.
Emotional intelligence is learned through self-regulation. Parents can help children learn self-regulation skills starting at a young age, but it is difficult to get children to fully grasp the concept until they are older.
Therefore a calm down corner helps built that emotional intelligence by promoting the use of self-regulation skills with calm down tools that help your children learn and practice these important life skills.
Explains That Unpleasant Emotions Are Real And Normal Too
As adults, we understand that people experience feelings and react to different situations in unique ways.
However, children do not know what is normal, what is not normal and what they are “supposed to feel.”
A child should never be ashamed of their emotions or ever be punished for feeling any specific way.
We must let our children know that the feelings they are experiencing are normal, and okay.
These unpleasant emotions can be a huge learning experience if we allow them to be.
The calm down corner is a place where children can think about their feelings and learn that they are valid, as well as how to appropriately handle those emotions and feelings.
Lots of practice and patience are needed for this process to happen but it is better than shoving a child into their room to try to understand and process their emotions on their own.
Creates Structure
Routines and structure are the keys to successful child rearing and when children have consistent and predictable ways of handling big notions, they get that structure that they need.
Setting up an area in your home for learning how to handle big emotions is a great way to let your child know that this is where we calm down and think about our experiences.
As life is much more simple when you have a bedtime routine, a morning routine, and even a craft corner or a dinner space, the same thing happens with a calm down corner as it gets used more and more over time.
Teaches Lessons
One of the biggest lessons that children learn from a calm down corner is that everyone makes mistakes.
Yes mom and dad aren’t perfect, they make mistakes and it’s okay! We learn and we grow and we get better.
You can explain to your child that making a mistake can make you feel like you failed, but it doesn not mean that you are a bad person in general.
Helping children understand that they are not bad people and that mistakes do happen, help children tolerate the unpleasant emotions better.
Explaining to your child to the feelings they are experiencing are normal and valid, and go over how their actions make others feel so they can understand empathy and expand on their emotional intelligence.
You can also encourage your child to help makes things right when they have calmed down and engaged the emotional regulation part of their brain.
How To Create A Calm Down Corner
Creating a Calm Down Corner that is effective and engaging for your child requires careful planning and consideration. Here are some best practices to keep in mind:
Choose A Calm Location
The Calm Down Corner should be located in a quiet area of your home where your child can feel safe and comfortable.
Make sure the space is free of distractions and clutter, and consider using soft lighting or calming colors to help create a relaxing atmosphere.
Depending on your child’s preferences, you may want to include items such as books, stuffed animals, sensory toys, or calming music. These items can help your child feel more comfortable and provide a distraction from their emotions.
Make it easily accessible to your child
The Calm Down Corner should be easy for your child to access whenever they need it. Consider using a designated area in your child’s bedroom or playroom, or creating a portable Calm Down Corner that your child can take with them wherever they go.
Add Furniture
Simple bean bags or cushions will do if you’re low on space in your calm down area. You can add a comfortable chair, a shaggy rug, throw pillows, or even a small table if you have space.
Add Posters
You’ll want to ensure that the designated space promotes healthy behavior solutions so a few posters and feelings chart are a must-have in your quiet place where kids process emotions. Here are some great ones you can snag for a great price on Amazon.
Don’t Forget The Calm Down Tools
There are so many different items you can place in your peace corner, and each calm down corner will be different.
Here are some suggestions for calm down tools you can use in your corner:
- Noise-canceling headphones
- Calm down cards
- Squishy Balls
- Fidget Spinners
- Stress Balls
- Glitter Jars
- Sensory Bins
- Bucket of books
- Poster of breathing techniques
Involve your child in the process of creating the space
Giving your child a sense of ownership and control over the Calm Down Corner can help them feel more invested in using it. Let your child choose some of the items that go in the space, or allow them to decorate the area with their own artwork.
Keep it simple
The Calm Down Corner should be a simple and easy-to-use space that your child can access whenever they need it.
Avoid overcomplicating the space with too many items or rules, and focus on creating a calming and peaceful atmosphere.
Why Is A Calm Down Corner Important
There are many reasons why every home should have a calm down corner but the most important one is that children do not misbehave and explode with big emotions because they want to like it’s the cool thing to do.
Not at all.
Children have trouble understanding their feelings and do not know how to regulate their emotions until later in life. Actually, some adults do not possess the power to regulate their emotions, because it is HARD, and expecting little minds to grasp the concept is a little nuts.
You can create a great teaching moment when you provide your child the space they need to process their feelings when they are experiencing symptoms of distress.
The entire purpose of the calm down corner is to get out of the angry quick reaction phase and engage the thinking part of the brain.
Builds emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence takes some time to learn. It is the ability to recognize how we feel and how others feel, which leads us into our next behavior decision.
During the toddler years, children learn about basic feelings such as sad, mad, happy, tired, etc. Later in life, we learn about more complex feelings as we experience them.
Explains That Unpleasant Emotions Are Real And Normal Too
As adults, we understand that people experience feelings and react to different situations in unique ways.
However, children do not know what is normal, what is not normal and what they are “supposed to feel.”
Creates Structure
Routines and structure are the keys to successful child rearing and when children have consistent and predictable ways of handling big notions, they get that structure that they need.
Setting up an area in your home for learning how to handle big emotions is a great way to let your child know that this is where we calm down and think about our experiences.
Teaches Lessons
One of the biggest lessons that children learn from a calm down corner is that everyone makes mistakes.
Yes mom and dad aren’t perfect, they make mistakes and it’s okay! We learn and we grow and we get better.
You can explain to your child that making a mistake can make you feel like you failed, but it doesn’t not mean that you are a bad person in general.
Using the Calm Down Corner in daily life
Once you have created a Calm Down Corner for your child, it’s important to incorporate it into your daily routine. Here are some tips for using the Calm Down Corner effectively:
- Teach your child how to use the Calm Down Corner: Before your child needs to use the Calm Down Corner, make sure they understand what it is and how to use it. Explain that it is a space where they can go to calm down, and show them how to use the items in the space to help them relax.
- Encourage your child to use the Calm Down Corner proactively: Rather than waiting until your child is upset to suggest using the Calm Down Corner, encourage them to use it proactively as a tool for self-regulation. For example, you might suggest that your child spend some time in the Calm Down Corner after a particularly challenging activity or before bedtime.
- Reinforce positive behavior: When your child does use the Calm Down Corner to manage their emotions, be sure to praise and reinforce their positive behavior. Let them know that you are proud of them for taking control of their emotions and using the tools available to them.
- Use the Calm Down Corner as a tool for problem-solving: If your child is struggling with a particular issue, you might suggest that they spend some time in the Calm Down Corner to help them think through the problem and come up with solutions.
- Be consistent: Using the Calm Down Corner effectively requires consistency and repetition. Make it a regular part of your child’s routine, and encourage them to use it whenever they need to manage their emotions.
By incorporating the Calm Down Corner into your daily routine, you can help your child develop important self-regulation skills and promote positive behavior. Remember that the Calm Down Corner is just one tool in your parenting toolkit, and that effective positive parenting requires a holistic approach that takes into account your child’s individual needs and preferences.
This is not a reward for bad behavior
As I’ve mentioned previously, children cannot regulate their emotions and therefore “bad behavior” is simply a way of communication that isn’t being expressed correctly.
There are so many benefits of a calm down corner and simple fidget toys and a safe spot can calm a child who has experienced too much excitement down very quickly. This kind of soothing spot is great for supporting the mental health of your kids.
What we are teaching here are coping skills, emotional regulation and appropriate reaction.
You simply cannot punish a child for not knowing how to handle emotions.
Do you punish yourself when you explode at your children, or your boss, or your husband?
Maybe a little, but you know better, and you know how you should have acted.
Children don’t understand “appropriate” behavior, which is why it is our job as parents to teach them.
This is not the “easy way out” and “raising soft kids” solution.
This is teaching children how to understand their emotions now so that when they are adults they will be better people than some of the adults we encounter in our daily lives today.
With a little love and care, you can raise kind human who can make a positive difference in the future.
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