How to Discipline a Child in a Fair and Reasonable Manner Without Time Out And Counting Using A healthy 5-step disciplinary approach for dealing with misbehavior in children.
It’s easy to become caught up in a never-ending loop of power struggles.
When your child misbehaves, you employ a time-out or count 1-2-3 in the hopes that this would get your child to behave.
But wait a minute… does it truly work?
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These techniques almost never work, especially if you have strong-willed children like mine. Isn’t it simply making things worse?
It’s because children’s inherent wiring, even that of an 18-month-old kid, is one of free choice, positive connection, and having their own power. When you use punishment to prevent undesirable behavior from recurring, you are aiming to compel their compliance via fear.
I’m not suggesting you’re doing it on purpose, but most punishments and parenting tactics are carried out unconsciously. Without realizing it, we’ve all learned from our classmates, school disciplinary techniques, and, of course, our own family connections with our parents and grandparents.
Fear-Based Punishments Do Not Work
What happens when we use terror to coerce our children into submission?
This means that we are choosing punishments (operant conditioning)based on blame, shame, and pain, whether through emotion or, sadly, physical methods.
The natural tendency of a kid to blame, guilt, and pain punishments are to shut down and shut out.
- They are oblivious.
- They retaliate.
- They cry.
- They yell at you.
They dash inside their room and slam the door shut.
Typically, a children’s response (and the tiny voice in your brain) makes you feel bad and guilt rushes in, implying that this is a lose-lose situation for everyone concerned.
If we all want to improve, we must make children feel worse.
What are you talking about? NO. This is not at all what we should do.
Discipline is about educating children to make better choices without blaming, shaming, or punishing them. How can you ensure that good discipline for children does not fall into any of these fear categories?
How to Discipline a Child With Fairness
The 5 R’s of Consequences was created by Amy McCready of Positive Parenting Solutions. She discusses it frequently in her books (this one is excellent for this topic) and courses.
What are the five stages to using this healthy discipline technique?
1 – Respectful
2 – Related to the Misbehavior
3 – Reasonable in Duration
4 – Revealed in Advance
5 – Repeat Back
Give consequences in a calm and controlled manner. If you are unable to do so, it is reasonable and entirely acceptable to take a 10-minute break and utilize that time to calm down before returning to your child. Use common sense and, of course, intervene if someone is injured or a kid is causing harm to another person or their property.
Consequences must be connected to the behavior otherwise the kid will not understand. As an example:
- If the child does not wear his bike helmet, he or she will lose the right to ride their bike.
- If a child does not turn off their gadget when requested, the proper punishment would be to lose the device.
- If a child becomes disrespectful to an adult, they will be unable to play with their friends.
- If a child does not brush their teeth, they are not permitted to have sweets or snacks.
If you impose irrelevant punishments, you are encouraging a power struggle between you and the kid, since their anger will be directed at you. Furthermore, because there is no link between behavior and punishment, children will not learn to make better choices the following time.
Reasonable Consequences in Duration
You can’t bar a four-year-old from playing with his or her pals for a week if they don’t tidy up their room. This isn’t logical. Determine a suitable time frame for the effects. This might be for a few minutes (the younger the kid), or an afternoon or day without using a gadget, watching television, or anything else.
Consequences Revealed in Advance
It comes as no surprise that you’re encouraging a power struggle.
You must explain the consequences ahead of time so that children may choose between the behavior and the consequence. This empowers children to make decisions and affect how things operate.
Repeat Back the Consequences
Once you’ve told your child the punishment, ask them to repeat it back to you. This manner, she is aware of the agreement and there are no unpleasant surprises with regard to the implications. This clarifies everything so that the child may make an informed decision based on all of the available facts.
Need More On Positive Parenting?
- Real Life Examples Of How Positive Discipline Works
- What’s More Important Than Discipline?
- Tips For Positive Parenting While Out In Public
- How To Transition To Positive Parenting
- What Positive Parenting Is Not
- Toddler Discipline: 18-24 Months
- What Is Inductive Discipline (Borderline Genius Parenting Approach)
- Positive Punishment Using Operant Conditioning
- Most Epic Positive Reinforcement Examples
- Secrets To Discipline Without Time Out And Counting
- Ten Brilliant Positive Parenting Tips
- Legit Ways To Teach Lessons Through Discipline Instead Of Shame
- What Is Positive Discipline: 17 Crucial Techniques To Use At Home
- 10 Quick Secrets For Better Behaviour
- Teaching Lessons Without Grounding
- Powerful Habits for Raising Well-Adjusted Children
Need More Parenting Help?
Register For A FREE Parenting Class
Register for a free class called GET KIDS TO LISTEN THE RIGHT WAY; an exclusive FREE class from nationally recognized parenting coach, Amy McCready.
“GENTLE PARENTING IS A LIFESTYLE THAT EMBRACES BOTH YOUR PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL BEHAVIOR, NOT ONLY TOWARDS YOUR CHILDREN, BUT TO YOURSELF TOO“— SARA HOCKWELL-SMITH