3 important Thing To Do With A Strong-Willed Toddler When Defiance Hits

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This is how I handle my strong willed toddler when there is attitude and defiance in my home. Simply keeping these three things in mind is a game changer in how my toddler responds to me.

It’s difficult to raise a strong-willed child. You believe there is nothing you can do to transform your rebellious or feisty child into a pleasantly obedient little person (not that we want obedience, but some compliance without too much struggle is nice to have in most situations).

Having a strong willed toddler is exhausting, and you may be feeling like an angry mother since every day is a struggle. (You’re clinging to a slew of various positive affirmations to convince yourself that everything will be OK.

Some days, you just want to burrow beneath the comforter in your master bedroom with a bag of mini chocolates as they throw their temper tantrums.

This is your happy zone, and your twenty-one-year-old self has lost track of who you are.

See also: Insights To Raising A High Energy Toddler

But I recognize you.

I recognize you because I am similar to you. And, my friend, there are three things you must definitely, unequivocally understand about raising a strong-willed toddler.

You’re bringing up a natural-born leader.

According to a 2015 American Psychological Association study, defiant children are more likely to become academic overachievers and high-earning adults.

Children with strong personalities are not easily influenced.

They will be the ones who own businesses, work as emergency department charge nurses, as school principals, and as police commissioners.

Children who were formerly prone to power struggles will grow into respected leaders in their communities. Though they might be controlling kids now, you can set limits and help them hone that controlling power into leadership qualities.

See also: The Simple & Easy Way To Stop Toddler Hitting!

What I Did To Shift The Way I Handle my Strong-Willed Toddler

The one thing I did to make my life easier in raising my strong willed toddler is a mindset shift. Shifting my own mindset to remind myself that raising a natural born leader means not apologizing for their behavior and becoming more positive about everything they do. No longer do I yell and scream at my child for being naturally strong willed.

See also: 7 Reasons Your Child May Be Crying

Shift Your Mindset To Remember You’re Raising A Leader

Raising a leader necessitates exceptional parenting. Your child requires more than just patience and instruction from you. He needs a great deal of patience and supervision.

Raising a natural-born leader necessitates your presence. Yes, it is difficult and exhausting. However, the work you are doing is setting the groundwork for your child to develop those leadership abilities and put them into practice.

A great thing you can do when raising a leader is practice affirmations! Here are 107 affirmations for kids that we use in our home.

See also: Things Only Parents Of High Spirited Kids Would Understand

Don’t Apologize For Their Behavior

When your child is screaming on the floor of Walmart because he wants a toy and you aren’t going to buy it, there’s no need to apologize to people who are staring and need to put a softball in their mouth.

You do not need to apologize for making another customer’s shopping experience unpleasant. That’s their problem because they haven’t gotten the memo: the best parents are the ones who have screaming children.

See also: Managing Defiance: You Are NOT The Boss Of Me

You are the mother who is putting forth the effort. You are the parent who refuses to give in. You are the one who is in charge of imparting vital life lessons.

This is not a simple task, and there will be tears. Mama, keep going. Don’t apologize for being a good mother and putting in the effort.

Have you seen these powerful phrases to calm an upset child? These are what I use when we re having a tough time at home.

See also: How To Teach Kids To Share Without Force

Remain positive when things get rough

It’s all too easy to get caught up in the negative loop of trying to get your child to listen and having them fight you tooth and nail every step of the way.

One strategy to break the loop is to identify the good aspects of what the child did well in each instance. Regardless of how minor or inconsequential it may appear.

instead of…

”You’re such a fussy eater. I’m not sure why I bother making meals for you.”


”You didn’t care for any of the meals on your plate tonight, but you tried at least one mouthful of everything. Even if you didn’t want to, you found a way to do it.”

Instead of… ”How come you aren’t sharing? You should know that none of these toys are yours! Give something to your sister and stop being so selfish.”


”You refused to share your toys with your sister. However, you discovered a toy that she would enjoy playing with and handed it to her. That demonstrates your concern, even if sharing is difficult for you.”

instead of…

”I’m sick of fighting you every night at bedtime. You should go to bed and stop whining all the time.


”You didn’t want to sleep. You wanted to spend the night with your parents. You vented all of your anger, and then you were at peace. Even though you were furious, you managed to calm yourself.”

There is always a negative way to respond to your child when they do something that you don’t like, but using positive words can actually have a bigger impact, whether your child is strong willed or not.

strong willed toddler

Questions Parents Have About Strong Willed toddlers

What Makes A Toddler Strong Willed

A strong willed toddler has a strong urge to be independnant. Parents of strong willed toddlers will deal with a lot of stubbornness and difficult behavior but they will also have confident and determined kids too!

what Are The signs That a Toddler Is Strong Willed?

Toddlers who are strong willed will be fast and impatient, bossy and controlling, will throw temper tantrums often and will argue endlessly.

Are strong willed toddlers gifted?

Typically, a strong willed toddler is gifted and has not harnessed their gift at the toddler age. Not all toddlers who are strong willed are gifted, but many will have strong personalities that lead to their success.

How do You Discipline A Strong Willed 2 Year Old?

Personally, toddlers are too young to give consequences to and I would consider natural consequences only at this age. Many parenting experts will suggest letting your toddler cry it out and get over it, however this is not my way as I’ve never found that be successful.

Are strong willed children smart?

Strong willed children are typically smart and turn out to be leaders who are empathetic.

How I Handle My Strong-Willed Toddler When Defiance Hits bottom line

When you’re in the elevator and your kids are screaming on the floor, and you feel like you’ve failed, remember this: stubborn children are the best.

At a high school party, your child is the one who will say no the little blue pill. Your strong willed child will be the one to resist peer pressure and prevent a friend from drinking and driving.

And it is your child who will start a tiny business and grow it into a billion-dollar enterprise. Even if she wants to hide under a tent in the master bedroom with a chocolate, your child is the one who will parent with patience.

See also: Things Your Strong Willed Child Needs From You

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