Three Shifts to Turn Defiance Into Cooperation for Your Strong-Willed Toddler
It’s difficult to raise a strong-willed child. You believe there is nothing you can do to transform your rebellious or feisty youngster into a pleasantly obedient little person.
You are embarrassed by the bystanders and wonder if your child is the only one who is prone to power struggles.
Some days, you just want to burrow beneath the comforter in your master bedroom with a bag of miniature Reese’s.
This is your happy zone, and your twenty-one-year-old self has lost track of who you are.
But I recognize you.
I recognize you because I am similar to you. And, my friend, there are three things you must definitely, unequivocally understand about raising a strong-willed toddler.
You’re bringing up a natural-born leader.
According to a 2015 American Psychological Association study, defiant children are more likely to become academic overachievers and high-earning adults.
In fact, the biggest non-cognitive predictor of higher income later in life was rule disobedience and rejection of parental authority.
Children with strong personalities are not easily influenced.
They will be the ones who own businesses, work as emergency department charge nurses, as school principals, and as police commissioners. Children who were formerly prone to power clashes will grow into respected leaders in their communities.
This post may contain affiliate links. Full disclosure here.
Want to learn how to get your kids to listen without nagging, yelling or losing control?
–>check out this free parenting class<–
Shift Your Mind: Raise A Born Leader
Raising a leader necessitates exceptional parenting. Your child requires more than just patience and instruction from you. He needs a great deal of patience and supervision.
Learn two keywords that can help you control the length and intensity of your anger tantrums. In addition, learn how the toddler’s brain works and why tantrums occur.
He has all these tremendous sensations, thoughts, and ideas spinning around inside him like a vegetable medley, and he has no idea how to reduce the heat from a boil to a simmer.
Raising a natural-born leader necessitates your presence. Yes, it is difficult and exhausting. However, the work you are doing is setting the groundwork for your child to develop those leadership abilities and put them into practice.
Shift Your Mind: Don’t Apologize
Unless your child is causing harm to another person, you do not need to look people in the eyes and apologize for your child’s large feelings or temper tantrums.
When your child is screaming on the floor of Target because he wants a toy and you aren’t going to buy it, there’s no need to apologize to people who are staring and need to put a softball in their mouth.
You do not need to apologize for making another customer’s shopping experience unpleasant. That’s their problem because they haven’t gotten the memo: the best parents are the ones who have screaming children.
You are the mother who is putting forth the effort. You are the parent who refuses to give in. You are the one who is in charge of imparting vital life lessons.
This is not a simple task, and there will be tears. Mama, keep going. Don’t apologize for being a good mother and putting in the effort.
Shift your Mind: Work On “Strength” Training
It’s all too easy to get caught up in the negative loop of trying to get your child to listen and having them fight you tooth and nail every step of the way.
One strategy to break the loop is to identify the good aspects of what the youngster did well in each instance. Regardless of how minor or inconsequential it may appear.
This is what I mean when I say STRENGTH TRAINING in parenting. And the storey goes something like this…
”You’re such a fussy eater. I’m not sure why I bother making meals for you.”
”You didn’t care for any of the meals on your plate tonight, but you tried at least one mouthful of everything. Even if you didn’t want to, you found a way to do it.”
”You refused to share your toys with your sister. However, you discovered a toy that she would enjoy playing with and handed it to her. That demonstrates your concern, even if sharing is difficult for you.”
Strong-Willed Kids Are Awesome
When you’re in the elevator and your kids are screaming on the floor, and you feel like you’ve failed, remember this: stubborn children are the finest thing ever.
At a high school party, your child is the one who declines the little blue pill. Your youngster will be the one to prevent a friend from drinking and driving.
And it is your child who will start a tiny business and grow it into a billion-dollar enterprise. Even if she wants to hide under a tent in the master bedroom with a Reese’s, your child is the one who will parent with patience and instruction.
Your strong-willed child is brimming with potential. All you have to do is find it, draw it out, and let it shine.
What You Should Do Next:
1. Subscribe To My Parenting NewsletterSign Up For My Parenting Newsletter for tips on creating a happier home and becoming a more positive parent. As a bonus when you subscribe you’ll get a copy of my FREE Growth Mindset Printout For Kids which is the KEY to raising resilient kids with a growth mindset.
2. Register For A Pretty Awesome FREE 60-Minute Class:Register for a free class called GET KIDS TO LISTEN THE RIGHT WAY; an exclusive FREE class from nationally recognized parenting coach, Amy McCready.
3. Sign Up For A 7 Step Positive Parenting CourseEnroll now in the most in-depth parenting class. After discovering these common sense, easy-to-implement, research-based tools you can learn how to:
- Easily get kids to listen – the FIRST time. No yelling or reminding…not even once!
- Put an end to daily power struggles. Bedtime became a breeze, and all the dawdling, chore wars, sibling rivalry, and mealtime meltdowns disappeared.
- Reduce backtalk by HALF! It’s simple once you know the secrets of these two ‘buckets.’
- Say goodbye to punishments that DON’T work. There’s a 5-step formula that works WAYYY better than time-outs.
- Feel amazing, confident, and empowered as a parent, every day. I NEVER go to bed feeling guilty anymore! (Okay, well maybe sometimes…’ mom guilt’ is still a thing.)