How I Discipline Ungrateful Children

As a mom of 3, I’ve come across some ungrateful attitudes, in my own kids! When dealing with my own ungrateful children I learned a lot about it, and I’ll share with you what worked for me.

What Causes Children to Become Ungrateful

One of the most common causes can be unintentionally caused by us, their parents. Gasp! There may also be a few other factors at play.

Entitlement

If we never allow our children to experience failure, they will develop inaccurate expectations about the world. I’d also like to point out that even without over-parenting, children might feel entitled. When it comes to entitlement psychology, it might actually be a coping technique.

Lack Of Experience

Another reason kids can be ungrateful is that they lack experience with which to compare their lives Encourage your children to donate toys or bags to others in need when they are young. However, unless they have firsthand knowledge of what it’s like to live in that manner, the lesson may be forgotten.

Need For Autonomy

In Pro Bronson’s book, Nurture Shock I learned that because they have a need for autonomy, your children may appear ungrateful by not thanking you for something. The research I discovered was conducted on teens, but is relevant to younger kids.

For a deeper explanation of the causes of ungrateful children read this: What Causes Children To Become Ungrateful.

4 Signs Of An ungrateful Child

I learned about these 4 signs of an ungrateful child in the positive parenting solutions course by Amy McCready. I follow her methods in my own home, successfully. She even talks about these signs in the book “The Me, Me, Me Epidemic” where she states that these problems could be signs that there is an entitlement or ungratefulness problem in your home.

These signs are:

1. Your kids don’t show appreciation for your help and expect it
2. You feel like you have to rescue your children from their homework when they become overwhelmed and don’t want to do it themselves
3. Your kids don’t help when you ask them to help you, or they require a reward for completing everyday tasks (such as putting dishes in the sink)
4. Your kids expect you to do things for them, even though they can do it themselves.

See also: Truths About Ungrateful Children

What To Do If You Have Ungrateful Children

There are things you can do to help your child understand when they are showing ungratefulness.

Point It Out

The first thing you can do to discipline your child who is showing signs of ungratefulness is to simply point it out. When I say point it out though, I don’t mean to be insulting and short about it.

Instead of saying something like “You’re acting like a little brat right now” which is definitely not the positive parentingway, you can say something like “We should show thankfulness for all the gifts we received today, even though some of them weren’t what you were expecting, it was very nice for your aunt and uncle to bring these over. they certainly didn’t have to give you anything.”

If you are going to a place where gifts are being given such as a birthday party or a Christmas gathering, you should explain to your child beforehand what the expectations are. You should explain to your child that it takes a lot of time and money to purchase a gift, and it can really hurt feelings if that gift is not appreciated.

You can also explain that friendships can be lost if gratitude is not shown when so much effort is placed into gift-giving.

Instead of saying “How many times do I have to tell you to turn off the bathroom light?”
You can say something like “the light is on in the bathroom”

It’s difficult to accomplish what has to be done when everyone else is telling you what to do.
Something is wrong with you. When someone is there, it is simpler to focus on the problem.
simply describes it to you When adults articulate the issue, it provides

giving children the opportunity to decide what they want to do.

Children despise lectures, sermons, and lengthy explanations. The shorter the reminder, the better for them.

Show How Their Attitude Is Affecting Others

Kids do not always understand how their behavior is affecting other people.

You can teach your child empathy by talking to them about how their behavior can affect others.

You can point out empathy when watching TV shows and movies together to help your child understand how their attitude can affect others.

By helping your child identify and label their feelings words, you can help them understand how showing gratefulness can make others feel.

Be A Good Role Model

When you show gratefulness, your children will see it and show it more often too.

Children are like little sponges and they absorb all sorts of information, whether you talk to them about it, or they see it coming from you. You can talk and talk about being thankful all you want, but if you’re not displaying the actions you want your children to show, then there is a good chance they will not go through with these actions either.

So be a good role model, show your own gratefulness and you’ll be raising grateful children in no time.

Delay Gratification

When you give your child everything they want, they can become spoiled and ungrateful. Kids cannot be grateful for their things if they aren’t given the opportunity of delayed gratification.

You can say “No” to your child when they ask for a new toy and tell them they can wait for the next holiday such as birthday or Christmas. You can also encourage your children to save their allowance to get the things they want.

When my older child was 5 years old, he saved all of his tooth fairy money ($5 a tooth) and all of his “extra work” allowance (not chores, we don’t do allowance there, so just extra work on top of chores) until he had $250 for a brand new Nintendo Switch System. He saved all that money and we pitched in to help him purchase some accessories and games when the time came to redeem his cash.

Delayed gratification is not bribing, although it can be very confusing as to what the difference is.

Bribing is saying things such as “here is a sucker, now please be quiet” whereas a reward is phrased like “you had an excellent day, why don’t we go for ice cream after dinner.”

Help Others

Helping others can help with the empathy aspect of teaching your child gratitude.

Volunteering with your children can help them see that they are never too young to start helping others and how helping others can make your child feel overall.

Volunteering often brings out gratitude in many adults, so there is no reason that children cannot be a part of this process too.

Allow Privileges When Earned

As an adult, do you ever get anything for doing nothing? I didn’t think so.. so why should kids get something for nothing? Children need to learn that hard work and determination are what helps them earn the items or activities they desire. Let your child earn their privileges and new toys because if you don’t, they will expect them without following rules or helping out around the house.

If you can start teaching your child about rewards and hard work early in life (like in toddlerhood) they will have mastered it nice and early, making your whole journey in parenthood a lot easier in the teenage years.

Use Activities To Promote Gratitude

• Model kind behavior
• 12 Kindness Acts for Kids from The Educator’s Spin on It
• Teach your kids about the joy of helping others
• Thankfulness & Gratitude Activities for Kids from True Aim Education
• Teach the art of the thank-you note
• Montessori Inspired Gratitude Activities from Living Montessori Now
• Paper Bag Gratitude Tree from No Time for Flash Cards
• Clean up around your school’s neighbourhood
• Gratitude Yoga from Kids Yoga Stories
• Bear Says Thanks Sensory Bin from Little Bins for Little Hands
• Donate books to your library
• The Gratitude Game with Pick Up Sticks from Teach Beside Me
• Gratitude Conversation Starters from Creative Family Fun
• Hold a coat, hat and mitten drive
• Gratitude Stones from Fireflies and Mudpies
• DIY Personalized Gratitude Journals from The Chaos and the Clutter

Frequently Asked Questions About Ungrateful Children

Need More On Positive Parenting?

• Real Life Examples Of How Positive Discipline Works
• What’s More Important Than Discipline?
• Tips For Positive Parenting While Out In Public
• How To Transition To Positive Parenting
• What Positive Parenting Is Not
• Toddler Discipline: 18-24 Months
• What Is Inductive Discipline (Borderline Genius Parenting Approach)
• Positive Punishment Using Operant Conditioning
• Most Epic Positive Reinforcement Examples
• Secrets To Discipline Without Time Out And Counting
• Ten Brilliant Positive Parenting Tips
• Legit Ways To Teach Lessons Through Discipline Instead Of Shame
• What Is Positive Discipline: 17 Crucial Techniques To Use At Home
• 10 Quick Secrets For Better Behaviour
• Teaching Lessons Without Grounding
• Powerful Habits for Raising Well-Adjusted Children

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“GENTLE PARENTING IS A LIFESTYLE THAT EMBRACES BOTH YOUR PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL BEHAVIOR, NOT ONLY TOWARDS YOUR CHILDREN, BUT TO YOURSELF TOO“

— SARA HOCKWELL-SMITH

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