How To Teach Kids About Respect Using Positive Parenting
My tried and true mommy tips on teaching your kids respect using my favorite style of parenting – positive parenting. Sometimes it’s referend to as gentle parenting, which is similar but not the same!
I see this all the time on social media, especially on Tik Tok, where the parents go on to make a video talking about positive parenting (or gentle parenting) not working because their kids are behaving like little devils and the tips and tricks they read about just aren’t working.
I get it. Positive parenting is not easy. It’s actually one of the hardest types of parenting styles, mostly because it’s the most involved. I tell you right now, you cannot positive parent from the couch.
If you want to know more about positive parenting here is a great article for you. If you want to know more about different parenting styles, this is an article for you.
So if you want to know how to teach your kids about respect – how to respect themselves and others, then this is a great starting point. If you want to know even more, check out my course recommendations at the bottom of the post, seriously game changing stuff!
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5 Ways to Teach Children Respect and Politeness Using Positive Parenting
1. Lead by Example
I know it’s simple, but honestly, one of the best ways to teach is by showing. If you want your kids to respect you, please model some respect!
I mean, it’s hard to demand something from our little kiddo’s when they may not even know what respect looks like. This is why you have to show them.
How can you show your kids respect?
Well…listening to what they have to say – active listening I mean – is one of the most effective ways to show respect. It’s so good for your kids to feel like they are being heard!
2. Don’t Overreact
One of the BEST ways to teach your kiddo respect, is to lead by example, but another thing you can do is stay calm. It’s on the same note, but it’s a little different. I mean, kids can REALLY push your buttons – but you have to stay calm. It doesn’t matter if they tell you that your food isn’t as good as takeout pizza (I have heard that one before, on a meal I spent SO much time planning and making, yeah ok I’m a little bitter), the most important thing is to be calm.
What do I do to stay calm, especially when the situation makes me FURIOUS? I laugh a little. Maybe not my MOST HAPPY laugh, it’s more of a “I really didn’t like what you said but I’m going to try let it go” kind of laugh. It’s just different.
Does it mean we should let our kids say rude things to us? NO! We MUST intervene, but not with anger and craziness.
I would definitely tell your kiddo that telling mom her home cooked meal is not as good as pizza is rude, and it’s not good manners.
The thing is.. don’t want my kids to lie to me, and tell me that my food is great if it is not great. But also I don’t want them to tell me it sucks and it’s not as good as pizza.
So teach them the appropriate things to say – because honestly…they just don’t know it’s rude!
3. Set Limits and Boundaries
This is another one of them MOST important things to do if you want to teach your kids respect. It’s funny…people all over the internet say things like” Gentle parenting doesn’t involve boundaries” and it’s LITERALLY the opposite!
It’s ALL ABOUT BOUNDARIES – respectful boundaries.
So how do you set limits? Well it’s kind of a long story, you can read it here.
The short story is, limits are important, and so are consequences! With positive parenting, the consequences are often natural. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t supposed to come up with consequences, but it means they have to be well thought out. The punishment has to fit the crime.
I’m saying don’t take away video games when the dishwasher wasn’t emptied. I’m saying, that if the dishwasher was not emptied, remind them to empty it again. If they refuse, they may have to do the dishes that pile up as a result of this refusal.
4. Avoid Punishment
I get it. We want to teach our kids lessons, and you can totally teach your kids lesson by using DISCIPLINE. Not punishment!
Punishment is like “go to your room! You do NOT talk to your mother like that”
Discipline is like “Please show your mother some respect, you do not see us talking to you like that do you? Please help your mother take out the recycling now, she could really use the help”
What is the child learning from the punishment of getting sent to their room?
LITERALLY NOTHING.
What is the child learning from helping mom with the recycling? they’re learning that we cannot escape our responsibilities, even if we are rude to others. I’m sure the kiddo would have preferred to go to their room and learned nothing and avoided doing the chore altogether.
5. Apologize when You Are Wrong
Yes it is a really good idea to apologize to your kids when you make a mistake! This is a great way to teach kids how to deliver a genuine apology too.
Making mistakes is part of parenting. I make mistakes everyday. It doesn’t make me a bad parent, and it doesn’t make you a bad parent either.
Teaching Kids Respect Takes Time
Actually, everything takes time. Teaching kids anything at all, takes time and patience. Just keep that in mind.
We aren’t all born with the powers of knowing exactly what to do in our most challenging parenting moments.
I do have a parenting course I can recommend to you and it’s monthly plan is actually quite affordable. You can start off by taking the free 60 minute webinar (which you should take regardless if you want the course or not), even if you don’t think you need it. There are so many golden nuggets of wisdom in this 60 minute lecture.
The course I recommend is Positive parenting solutions, here is my review of it here.
As a thank you for coming to visit my little blog, here is a free positive parenting ebook. You can print it out and place it on the fridge if you want! I called it the 5 pillars of connected parenting.