What Is Positive Discipline: 17 Simple Techniques To Use At Home

What Is Positive Discipline: 17 Simple Techniques To Use At Home

Learn how to manage the energy shift in your home when you’re about to start yelling because your little one is on the verge of a tantrum over the colour of a cup.

I’m a mom who used to yell, and heck I sometimes still do, but I’m trying to be a lot simple better using these positive discipline techniques.

I’ve been studying positive parenting (like inductive discipline)from various resources over the past few years and I’ve had some amazing luck putting it into play at home.

I’m telling you, my parenting style has transformed and my children rarely throw tantrums and have a bad attitude.

It may seem like a no-brainer that positive over negative parenting will win, but if that thought is not even in mind, you’re probably not even realizing that your parenting method could be negative. Enjoy these peaceful, gentle and positive parenting (like inductive discipline)tricks that will help keep the peace inside your home and help strengthen a healthy family.

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What Is Positive Discipline?

Positive discipline is highly focused on creating a strong relationship with children and parents bonded with mutual respect and communication.

Dr. Jane Nelson created the positive discipline programme, which is based on the work of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs.

Instead than focusing just on the behaviour, positive discipline focuses on altering the “belief underlying the action.” Positive discipline is based on the idea that “there are no bad kids, only bad behaviour.”

This is the definition of positive discipline:

Positive Discipline (or PD) is a discipline model used by schools, and in parenting, that focuses on the positive points of behaviour, based on the idea that there are no bad children, just good and bad behaviours. You can teach and reinforce the good behaviours while weaning the bad behaviours without hurting the child verbally or physically. People engaging in positive discipline are not ignoring problems. Rather, they are actively involved in helping their child learn how to handle situations more appropriately while remaining calm, friendly and respectful to the children themselves. Positive discipline includes a number of different techniques that, used in combination, can lead to a more effective way for parents to manage their kids behaviour, or for teachers to manage groups of students. Some of these are listed below. Positive Behavior Support (PBS) is a structured, open-ended model that many parents and schools follow. It promotes positive decision making, teaching expectations to children early, and encouraging positive behaviours.[1]

To address misbehaviours, traditional disciplinary tactics include threatening, humiliating, bribing, and punishing. However, as the days go on, the kids become angrier and more upset, and they don’t seem to grasp the lesson we’re trying to teach them.

Because traditional methods of discipline focus on poor behaviour and identify the child as a terrible child. When a child is repeatedly told that he is a terrible child, he accepts it and does not modify his behaviour. Because human people act based only on their beliefs, whether consciously or unconsciously.

When using the positive parenting (like inductive discipline)approach, you not only define the rule but also explain why that rule is important.

When the positive parenting (like inductive discipline)approach is used, children do not obey orders based on fear of punishment (fear conditioning) but because they understand why they need to perform the task at hand and its importance.

Parents who use this approach layout rules and consequences and often discuss them with their children. Most importantly, any consequences that are discussed should be followed through.

One of the most important aspects of positive parenting (like inductive discipline)is actively listening to the children. Trying to understand their thoughts so you can better understand the reason behind their actions and correct any behaviour issues from the core.

Positive discipline is focused on mutual respect, kindness, and support in finding solutions to children’s issues.

There are five requirements for positive discipline, according to Dr. Nelson.

Positive discipline is both tough and compassionate.
It promotes a sense of belonging and significance in childrens.
It has a long-term effect, unlike punishments (operant conditioning)that merely have a short-term effect.
It teaches kids life and social skills that will help them respect others and peacefully resolve problems.
Allows childrens to discover their skills and constructively apply their personal power.

Benefits Of Positive Parenting and Positive Discipline

Positive parenting helps children love themselves and develop self-discipline through the loving guidance of the parent.

Children respond to gentle guidance rather than punishment (fear conditioning)s and threats and therefore positive parenting (like inductive discipline)is the most effective form of discipline.

  • The positive discipline emphasizes solutions rather than treating the child as a horrible person, whereas negative discipline does just that.
  • Negative discipline produces a gap and lack of effective connection between the parent and the child, whereas positive discipline empowers children by teaching good communication skills and kindness.
  • Positive discipline focuses on satisfying the needs of the kid and therefore minimising the likelihood of future disobedience. Negative discipline, on the other hand, ignores what the child has to say. As a result of the neglect of his emotions, the child seeks out more unpleasant ways to gain attention and satisfy his need to belong.
  • Positive discipline accepts mistakes as they are – not only the childrens, but also the parent’s. However, the child is still treated with respect without having his character assassinated. He is shown how to fix the problem in the future. Negative disciplining, on the other hand, shames a child for his faults and does not offer him love, give him guidance, or support him.
  • When a kid receives positive discipline from a parent, he or she learns the proper way to express emotions from the parent, who responds with compassion, empathy, and a lack of violent actions such as screaming or spanking/beating. Negative discipline, on the other hand, teaches a child aggressive actions (since that’s what he sees). And because the child does not receive adequate advice on how to express his feelings as he grows up, he may develop low self-esteem and mental health problems.

Let’s look at some positive discipline strategies that we may use to discipline children now that we understand the difference between positive and negative discipline.

Using positive discipline strategies in your day-to-day parenting results in raising some pretty awesome kids who will likely call you often when they leave home because your relationship is that strong. I cannot stress the power of this type of parenting.

Many people mistake the words “positive parenting” to be pushover parenting, or giving in to kids and giving them whatever they want in order to keep a happy relationship, but they are mistaken because they don’t know what positive discipline actually is.

Positive parenting is much deeper and discipline is encouraged – just in a different way.

6 Simple Positive Parenting Techniques

1. Regulating Your Own Reactions

Sometimes when a situation is out of control, remember the things you can control, and that is YOUR actions and reactions.

Children copy your behaviour, so if you can regulate your reaction in a positive and calm way, your children will be able to see that this is the right way to handle situations. 

If you are constantly flying off the handle and yelling, your kids will yell back at you, especially if you have a strong-willed child. I know how difficult it is to not get angry sometimes when your children continue the behaviour that is defiant.

My trick is to turn away from my child and take a deep breath. Remind me that this child is just a child and he does not know much better, I need to teach him how to handle his emotions.

Then I can calmly turn back around, smile gently and have a calm chat about the situation.

When you are in need of setting up a consequence for certain behaviour and you need a moment to figure out the proper response, take that moment. Really figure out which consequence fits the behaviour, or see if there is a natural consequence that can occur.

For example, if your child is having a tough time with emptying the backpack after school and placing it by the front door so that you can put the filled up lunchbox in it in the morning, then you can go ahead and handle the situation like this:

In a calm voice, state ahead of time, “I’m happy to make you a lunch every morning for school, as long as your backpack is ready to go at the front door. If it’s not ready and not in its place, it’ll be up to you to make sure your backpack is properly packed for school”

You can then follow up with ” Is there anything you would like to do to help you remember to place your backpack by the front door every day?” Your child may want to make a morning routine chart or add a sticky note to the bathroom mirror.

Make sure your child understands the consequence of not putting the backpack by the front door by asking them to repeat the discussed task back to you.

If your child is having a tough time remembering the task, do your best not to remind them about it and let the consequence of an unprepared backpack at school be the lesson.

When you have to govern your children, discipline becomes difficult. Your energy level has a limit as well. It’s difficult to be consistent when the environment is ripe for failure.

It’s difficult to instil healthy eating habits in children if your cupboard is stocked with junk food. Similarly, if you don’t turn off the TV but urge your children to go to bed, they will struggle.

So, to avoid power clashes, make their surroundings and habits more conducive to everyone’s liking. Have clear guidelines in place for mealtimes, bedtimes, and morning routines so that kids know what to anticipate.

2. Treat Your Children How You Wish They Would Treat Themselves (Modeling)

The way that you talk to your child will greatly affect the way that your child will talk to themselves. If you use harsh punishment (fear conditioning) (authoritarian parenting) and harsh words, then your child’s inner voice will have the same tone.

If you discipline your children harshly, they will never learn proper self–discipline. 

Discipline means “to train by instruction and exercise” while punishing means “to inflict a penalty for (an offence, fault, etc.)” or “to handle severely or roughly.”

Research Gate states that harsh punishment (fear conditioning) (authoritarian parenting) results in worse behaviour.

So basically, if you are constantly punishing your child in a negative way, they will learn to talk to themselves negatively, act out harder and essentially never learn self-discipline.

We can teach our children to solve problems without using blame and shame, and actually have them become well-rounded, capable adults.

We speak and talk and talk, but we don’t do anything. The following are some of the things we teach childrens.

“This is your final opportunity, and I will not allow it to happen again.”

“You only have 10 minutes; after that, I’ll take the remote away,” says the narrator.

“I will never give you sweets again,” and so forth.

But do we follow through on our words?


It’s no surprise that children don’t take us seriously.

When we use positive discipline, we create boundaries and enforce them when they are crossed. There will be no more chances. We maintain our firmness.

That isn’t to say that we should be harsh. We often disregard our warnings because we pity children. Even if we stick by our comments, we may demonstrate empathy and indicate that we are on their side.

Otherwise, since we were so afraid, children would not learn the consequences of their acts and would continue to make the same mistakes.

3. Rewards Are A No-No

Rewards are a very common way for parents to make their children feel good about accomplishing a goal. Even though the word reward sounds like a positive thing, giving out rewards to children can be harmful.

As parents, our big portion of the job runs about 18 years, and sometimes beyond that.

Rewards offer a short-term gain, but our goal as parents is to teach long-term lessons that really stick with our kids.

Studies show that children who get rewards for completing activities, show less interest in that activity than children who are not offered a reward for completion.

A great example of offering rewards that most parents (myself included) have done would be dessert after mealtimes.

It’s actually a common thing in our household, you eat your dinner, you get the ice cream. We have adjusted this situation so we can still eat ice cream after dinner when I remember to buy it, but it’s not used as a bribe or reward anymore.

Now that your little one knows dinner can be sold for the price of ice cream, he will likely hold out on eating dinner until he is offered ice cream instead.

4. Avoid Time Outs

Timeouts are a form of banishment and are most definitely a negative parenting approach.

They cause the child to feel humiliated and small. Not only do timeouts deteriorate the relationship between you and your child, but they also don’t teach the child a lot about the situation that got them into that time out.

For more information about why time-outs do not work, read this really great article from aha parenting.

This is also a great video on using positive parenting (like inductive discipline)techniques on 2-year-olds specifically. We all know 2 is a particularly interesting age!

5. Strengthen Your Relationships Daily

Every night before I head to bed, I reflect on my day and how my children reacted to me and how I reacted to them that day.

If something did not go the way I had wanted it to, I will put it in my planner as an action step to complete the next day with my child.

My child will say things such as I hate you and I wish you didn’t live in the house when I set a boundary that may seem unfair to my child.

Those words cut me deep, I suppose  I am a very sensitive person and it is so hard for me to realize that my child is 6 years old and doesn’t really know what he is saying.

It is now my responsibility to react in a positive way and diffuse this situation. During my daily reflection time, if I believe I could have done better in a situation like this, I try to talk to my child about it the next day. Talking and listening to each other strengthens our bond.

6. Setting Limits

Setting limits is crucial for children to understand the consequences of their actions. Authoritarian parents set boundaries, and if their children disobey, they are punished or scolded. In permissive parenting, parents are hesitant to intervene when their children cross the line because they fear losing their children’s affection.

When it comes to positive parenting, we set limits and take action if our children go beyond them. The only difference is that it is carried out with empathy. Children are not taught to feel terrible on purpose, but they do comprehend that their actions resulted in a consequence and that repeating the behaviour will result in the same outcome.

We do not embarrass them when they confront the consequences; instead, we show understanding and tenderness. With an example, you’ll be able to grasp this concept better. Here’s an example:

Consider the following scenario.

Your child uses a crayon to draw on the wall. “Walls are not for drawing on; instead, use paper,” you advise him. If he does it again, you may remind him and warn him that if he does it again, you’ll have to take away the crayon. And if he does, you confront him and forcefully take away the crayon.

He’ll scream and resist. You, on the other hand, refuse to give in. Instead, you show him compassion. “I know it’s difficult for you not to doodle on the wall,” you say. But I’m afraid I can’t let you do it. When you’re ready to draw on the paper, we can try again.”

There were no threats, no punishments, and no reprimands. Even though it was taken away, he didn’t feel embarrassed since he knew you were on his side.

For example, if my sons are hitting each other, It is a good idea to break up that situation by saying something like hitting is not allowed in this house, you can tell your brother what you need and how you feel without hitting.

This is a great time to try to connect with your child by spending quality time together. Remember that children need us the most when they are pushing us away.

Here is another resource How To Strengthen The Parent-Child Relationship.

7. Offering choices

Another positive disciplinary method that works well to avoid power struggles, especially with young children, is to give them options.


“Would you like to get ready for bed right now or in 10 minutes?”

“Would you like to drink milk from the red or blue cups?”

Make sure you provide options that you are comfortable with. Don’t provide an option if you can’t live with it.

Giving children options makes them feel in charge and as if they made the decision themselves. Resistance and power conflicts are reduced.

8. Using A Firm Voice – Calmly

According to Dr. Jane Nelson, good discipline should be both strong and kind.

You mean it when you say your child can’t do something. You empathize with them if they reply aggressively or with tears in their eyes. That is what it means to be firm and kind.

If your child objects to the spoon being taken away, you might remark, “I know you were having fun (ego state) pounding the spoon on the table.” But I’m taking away the spoon because it’s for eating, not banging.”

Your message reaches your child when you are nice and firm. Because your child does not feel understood and is listening to you from a position of fear, yelling will never get your point across.

When you’re angry and your body is racing with adrenaline, can you teach anybody a positive lesson? No, and when you shout, that’s exactly what occurs. As a result, screaming is useless.

9. Working Together

I prefer to behaviour a family meeting once a week, inspired by all of the positive parenting (like inductive discipline)books I’ve read, to discuss the problems we experience as a result of each other’s actions.

Sibling rivalry is currently the most talked-about issue. It takes a lot of effort to help children learn to live together. In some ways, it is unfair for them to have others invade their territory without their permission and do things they don’t like.

It is despised by everybody. As a result, we discuss the sibling behaviours that upset the children during such gatherings. We also establish limits so that everyone is aware of what is expected of them.

This gathering is not intended to be a finger-pointing session. The accusation can be moderated by the parent.

We also include children by asking them questions such as, “What do you think we should do if this circumstance arises again?”

Then they come up with their own ideas, which we record. And then resolve to try to put these ideas into action in the future.

This helps children develop critical thinking and problem-solving abilities. This also teaches children to approach problems with the goal of finding solutions rather than becoming angry and reactive, which is an essential life skill.

Furthermore, when children participate in problem-solving activities, they understand they are not a “problem,” but rather a part of the solution.

10. Find Root Cause Of The Problem

One advantage of the above-mentioned family meetings is that it allows children to express themselves. When you actually listen to what they’re saying, you’ll realize why they’re acting the way they are.

My older daughter, for example, informed me that she doesn’t enjoy sharing her possessions with her sister because she doesn’t return them correctly, and even if she does, they’re typically in bad shape.

If I hadn’t asked her questions, she would never have stated it. And, under previous standards, I would have condemned her for her behaviour and perhaps called her “selfish.” I don’t believe in forced sharing, but I do want my children to help one another when they are in need.

So, when she expressed anxiety, I knew we could work on it together to help her improve (growth mindset) her giving skills.

Instead of criticising or labelling a kid, we may talk to her about why she does what she does. You can talk to your child about finding solutions that are acceptable to both of you. Because kids understand that their flaws could be addressed and improve (growth mindset)d, this alternative kind of discipline encourages childrens to acquire a development mentality.

11. Label Emotions

Humans have a natural need to be heard. Consider the situation when you are experiencing unpleasant emotions and no one is willing to listen to you.

Furthermore, you will be condemned for being sad or angry. How does it make you feel?

That is exactly what we do to children.

Without listening to what they have to say, we label children as selfish, bad, attention-seekers, and so on.

So, moms, have a seat and listen for a bit. And remind them that “it’s alright to be angry or sad” to help them get through their difficult emotions.

They feel connected and a sense of belonging when they are heard.

And the most crucial aspect of effective parenting is connection.

Labeling emotions allows children to be more aware of their emotions. This allows individuals to better understand and regulate their emotions.

Children who can name and vocally express their feelings are less likely to develop anxiety as adults, according to research. They also develop the ability to recognise and respond empathically to the emotions of others.

12. Stop Shaming

Shaming, threatening, bribery, or other physical punishment (fear conditioning)s are not encouraged in positive discipline. Instead, we take advantage of every chance to address children’s behaviour through education.

Both the child and the parent are on the same team in good parenting. When we are angry by a childrens wrongdoing, we feel compelled to punish them.

Instead, turn each blunder into a chance to teach and help others. Instead of continually telling them what they shouldn’t do, tell them what they should do.

13. Be Consistant

Consistency in your expectations encourages children to follow the rules more consistently.

Before you say no to something, consider whether you truly mean it. When you alter your opinion in response to a childrens complaint, they learn that you could be influenced.

So choose your battles carefully.

If you don’t feel comfortable breaching some norms, stand firm when they put you to the test. It sends a confused message to children if you make decisions based on your mood.

14. Choose Your Words Wisely

When we call a child a “bad girl” or a “nasty boy,” they acquire sentiments of humiliation and unworthiness. Rather of informing them that their actions are wrong, we tell them that they are horrible people.

These remarks can have far-reaching consequences that can last a lifetime.

No human being can be nice or evil indefinitely. We all do good and bad things, whether we realize it or not. When kids grow up, their emotions of unworthiness follow them about and prevent them from reaching their full potential.

As a result, when kids misbehave, we may point out their mistakes while also expressing the possibility of better behaviour in the future. Also, just speak about the action they took, not about themselves.

We can state that,

“It’s terrible to hurt others. I expect you to treat your brother with more kindness.”

This one sentence informs him that his actions were incorrect. He can, however, make an effort to improve (growth mindset). And there’s no shame in the form of “you’re a cruel lad.”

15. Use Consequences Correctly

There are both natural and logical consequences when it comes to repercussions.

Natural repercussions, as the name implies, happen in a natural way.
A natural outcome could be:

Every day, John forgets to finish his homework. You tell him he has to finish his schoolwork at a mutually agreed-upon hour in the evening. He, on the other hand, keeps forgetting.

You decide not to remind him one day instead of pestering him. He’ll have to face the repercussions the next day at school.

This aids him in remembering his lesson and being more proactive. In this situation, the parent must let go of his or her anxiety so that the kid may learn to connect his or her actions to their consequences.

When a kid breaches a rule or misbehaves, a caregiver gives a rational consequence.
As an example of a logical conclusion, consider the following:

Sally has been informed that she is not permitted to use her phone after 9 p.m. And she and her mother have agreed that if she breaches the rule, she would give her mother custody of the phone.

Because the penalty was agreed upon by both parties, it does not appear to be a punishment (fear conditioning). The child learns to take responsibility for his actions and becomes more responsible.

The repercussions in all cases are connected to the transgression. Allowing children to face the consequences allows the event to educate them rather than feelings.

The child does not have to suffer in order to learn a lesson, contrary to common perception. He can learn from his own mistakes, which is the most effective instructor.

16. Get Down To Their Level

You want to catch their attention first when disciplining children. It’s much more difficult to get if you stand up and shout at the top of your lungs.

Getting down on a childrens level and staring him in the eye is the greatest approach to gain his attention. You don’t have to shout since you’re so near to them. The child feels more secure and attached to you as a result. As a result, you’ll get a better answer.

Your voice is heard when you yell, but your message is not.

17. Trust Your child

If you have two, three, or even 10 children, treat them all as individuals. Interact with each of them on a regular basis, even if it’s only for five minutes.

You need to know who your child is and what his difficulties are because you need to know who he is. You can only understand what motivates his thinking if you communicate successfully with him.

Discipline methods that work for one child may not work for another. One could be too sensitive, while the other is more determined.

Get inside their world with a never-ending curiosity to find out what they believe and want. Rather of penalising their powerful spirits because you don’t understand them, lead them with loving direction to mould them into who they want to be.

A Reason To Eliminate “Stop” From Your Daily Life

We are pretty much raised on the words “Stop” “Don’t” and “No”. It can be tricky to bend the mind and learn positive phrases to use instead.

The things is, when we say the word “Stop”, it’s as if we are demanding or coaching instructions at our little people, who let’s face it, need a little extra guidance for all tasks given to them.

When we learn to use positive language when communicating with our little people, we connect on a deeper level with someone who is still developing their speaking skills.

Breaking down the barriers of communication at an early age will help in the tough years when communication gets extra difficult.

The term Gentle Parenting is not about conforming to the next best thing and being soft parents raising children who are entitled and don’t know punishment (fear conditioning).

I’ve heard all the judgements out there! It’s a harsh world where everyone has an opinion.

Gentle Parenting is all about understanding the brain development of kids and young adults and learning to speak in ways that they can understand.

As Mrs. Brill Over At Positive Parenting Connection Experienced:

Just this morning my two year old was washing her hands. The water had been running for almost a minute and I really wanted it turned off.I was really tempted to just shut the water.

Yet, knowing just how engaged and happy she was washing her hands and investigating the soap, I asked a few quick questions instead: “Are you enjoying washing your hands?”  “YES!” “Well,the water has been running for a while.

How about turning it off? Who is going to do it, me or You? “I do it Self!” came the answer and promptly.

She turned off the water and moved onto drying her hands.  

Read More At Positive Parenting Connection

It’s really all about telling our children what they CAN do, instead of the opposite, negative “No”.

Accompanying the YES in our positive phrases, there is also explanation and reasoning behind the YES which helps them understand and problem solve the situation and understand the reasoning behind the hidden NO.

Speaking To Children Respectfully

The point of Gentle Parenting isn’t to simply stop sounding like an army general commander who constantly orders their children around.

There is more to it than that. The point of speaking to children in a respectful manner is to simply create strong bonds and unbreakable family ties.

I know I strive to create a family environment that is positive, welcoming and we treat each other well.

There are many hard days in our household, and it feels like sometimes, there isn’t enough patience – on my end – to go around.

But the thing is, I know that when I yell instructions at my kids, things don’t get accomplished, and I end up either having to do it myself or yelling some more.

These kinds of situations that are frustrating beyond belief, can usually be wiped out completely with some positive language.

Building that trust with your children when you use positive phrases builds strong relationships and children usually believe that the parent is on their side and will work to make things fair for everyone.

Sometimes even the kindest parents are giving some type of order to children throughout the day. Throughout the morning rush, do you say things like:

  • Time to get dressed!
  • Put that away.
  • Wash your face, please.
  • Don’t forget your jacket.
  • Come here.

Those are pretty standard phrases, and honestly, most of them can be modified to not sound like orders. Children likely get a hundred orders a day from us, and the simple fact of the matter is, they don’t need to be ordered. They can be conversations instead.

See how you can easily change those orders into conversations:

  • How about we get dressed now? I’ve got breakfast waiting for you when you’re all dressed and ready to eat. 
  • Do you think we can play with that later? There is so much left to do this morning, let’s finish our to-do list and then we can play.
  • Oh my goodness, you still have breakfast on your face! Why don’t you go rinse off your face before we leave the house? 
  • It’s a little chilly today, let’s grab your jacket just in case you need it. 
  • I have something I wanted to say to you, would you like to come over here and hear it? 

Need help teaching your child respect? 8 Incredibly Effective Ways to Teach Children Respect and Politeness and How To Teach Kids Respectful Disagreement are great resources for you.

What Is Positive Dscipline and Positive Parenting

To recap, positive parenting (like inductive discipline)creates strong relationships with your children through words of encouragement rather than harsh punishment (fear conditioning) (authoritarian parenting). Positive parenting creates happier families and helps you raise successful kids.

To use the positive parenting (like inductive discipline)approach you start off with regulating your own reactions followed by treating your children how you wish they would treat themselves.

Saying positive words such as YES more than NO and avoiding time outs can really strengthen your relationship. 

Setting limits with empathy in roughhousing situations rather than yelling at your children to stop beating each other up will likely help your children to listen and comply with your request due to an understanding/reason of the rule.

Here we have a more in depth review on What Positive Parenting Is Not.

More Discipline Tips

What You Should Do Next:

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  • Easily get kids to listen – the FIRST time. No yelling or reminding…not even once!
  • Put an end to daily power struggles. Bedtime became a breeze, and all the dawdling, chore wars, sibling rivalry, and mealtime meltdowns disappeared.
  • Reduce backtalk by HALF! It’s simple once you know the secrets of these two ‘buckets.’
  • Say goodbye to punishments that DON’T work. There’s a 5-step formula that works WAYYY better than time-outs.
  • Feel amazing, confident, and empowered as a parent, every day. I NEVER go to bed feeling guilty anymore! (Okay, well maybe sometimes…’ mom guilt’ is still a thing.)
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