Angry Mom? 6 Tips To Get Your Anger Under Control
Do you think you’re a bad parent?
You’re not on your own.
Many parents have difficulty controlling their anger.
Congratulations if you’ve had it with being an angry parent and are ready to adopt a different approach.
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The Problem With An angry Mom
We are allowing our emotions to control us when we give angry mommy the reins.
Emotions are wonderful gifts. However, we must learn to regulate our emotions rather than allowing them to dominate us.
We will not be teaching our children how to build good emotional regulation if we allow our emotions to rule us.
It is critical to teach our children how to regulate their emotions rather than allowing their emotions to rule them.
Moms frequently succumb to myths and falsehoods about angry moms.
You begin to believe that if you experience irritation, you are a poor mother.
Or you’re horrible if you lose your calm. You’ll never be able to improve or make your mother furious if you’re in a coma.
When you’re overworked, stressed out, or have too much on your plate, you’re likely to become frustrated.
When you say yes to too many responsibilities as a mother, dissatisfaction might arise.
Right now, it’s critical to understand how to say no or not.
Finally, you may have unrealistic expectations for yourself, your children, and your family.
Common Reasons You Might Be An Angry Mom
You Take Their Behaviour Personally
We moms, for some inexplicable reason, regard disobedience as a personal affront and get offended by our kid’s behaviours. I tell them to do something, and they do it, and I want to be insulted by their disrespect. Then I remind myself that they’re kids.
They have an instinctive desire to please their parents, but they don’t know how.
You can’t take their actions and decisions personally unless you want to be insane all day and night.
Your Expectations Might Be Too High
It’s difficult to know what to expect as a mother. You don’t want to under- or over-expect the kids by expecting them to deliver what they can’t or not expecting them to deliver what they should.
This is a work in progress that will need to be tweaked on a regular basis, but if you expect your 3-year-old to act like a 6-year-old, you will be disappointed.
I was absolutely exhausted the day before yesterday. I was laying down feeding my 5-week-old (which I like to do when I’m trying to get some rest) when he stopped breastfeeding to be burped.
I sat up and said… without even thinking about it.
“These kids don’t know how to take care of themselves!”
Then I smiled at myself and embraced, snuggled, and burped my baby, realizing that I needed to regain control and adjust my expectations with all of my children.
Expectations are important…
I should anticipate some compliance, but not complete obedience.
I may expect a positive attitude from you, but not if you’re a grump all day.
Your Cup Is Empty
Motherhood necessitates a lot of sacrifices, but I don’t believe one of them should be our sanity. There are certain things we have to do just because we have to.
However, wherever feasible, we should try to schedule time for ourselves during the day. If you are empty and have nothing to give yet continue to give, you are not providing a gift.
If you’re a perpetually irritable mother, you’ll need to spend some time alone. Get your husband or another family member to watch the kids. Put them all to bed early and do something relaxing or rejuvenating for yourself. If you’re able to, take a weekend mother getaway.
Your Parenting Strategy Needs Tweaking
It pains me to say this, but the majority of our children’s conduct stems from our own parenting techniques. Obviously, not all, since they have their own free will.
However, if we are too lenient, too tough, or inconsistent, they will utilize their free will to do things that aren’t ideal.
It’s quite natural for us to find a good method, put it on autopilot, and then realize we need to adjust it. If your home environment appears to be spiralling out of control, I recommend using the reset button.
What is the procedure for pressing the reset button?
For a week, tighten the reins.
Consistently go above and above.
Evaluate your expectations, then express what you expect from them over and over again.
You Might Be Stressed
When I’m anxious and haven’t dealt with it well, I become irritable. Every tiny inane thing irritates me.
Find a method to vent out your frustrations in ways other than bursting with your kids, whether it’s through a hobby (crafty or non-crafty) or a sport.
Also, if you are frequently stressed, it may be necessary to take more drastic steps such as therapy or anger management.
6 Habits To Control Your Anger
It takes time to change your parenting habits. You’ll be in a better position to regulate your anger – and handle things in a calm, polite manner – if you’re ready to slow down and examine what’s underlying your anger.
When you’re angry, try a few of these suggestions:
Take A Deep Breath
It’s never too late to pause and take a deep breath or a break to cool down, even if you’re already in the thick of an argument with your child. It may feel like “giving in” or “backing down,” yet it is the most crucial step in controlling your anger.
Identify Your Trigger
Every parent will have distinct “triggers,” or situations that cause them to become angry. What are the things that set you off? Is it a word, such as “You can’t make me” or “NO!” or is it your childrens behaviour, such as her reluctance to obey directions?
Pay Attention to Your Thoughts
This is a difficult but necessary step. While it may appear that you are just experiencing anger, it is beneficial to uncover any “hidden” thoughts and sensations. Parents may feel helpless, afraid, or overwhelmed in certain “trigger” circumstances. “I can’t handle this!” you could be thinking.
Pay Attention to Your Body
How does your body react when you’re angry? Tight shoulders, clenched fists, rapid heartbeat, and short breathing are all common physical reactions. By being more aware of these changes in your body, you can catch your anger earlier and have more time to calm down.
Reconsider the Situation
You can look at the problem with a clear head once you’ve regained your composure. Is there anything you could do differently the next time you do it? Do you need to collaborate with your child on a solution? Is this a pattern of behaviour that needs to be addressed by a professional?
Parenting without anger is a journey, just like any other change. It will not happen immediately, and expecting change without some effort is unrealistic. There will be several opportunities for you to practise these steps (unfortunately). The good news is that as you practise more, it will become easier.
Anger is a strong feeling. Some angry responses stem from childhood habits, while others are a mirror of our own family’s emotional expression. Seeking support throughout this process is not a show of weakness.
What You Should Do Next:
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- Easily get kids to listen – the FIRST time. No yelling or reminding…not even once!
- Put an end to daily power struggles. Bedtime became a breeze, and all the dawdling, chore wars, sibling rivalry, and mealtime meltdowns disappeared.
- Reduce backtalk by HALF! It’s simple once you know the secrets of these two ‘buckets.’
- Say goodbye to punishments that DON’T work. There’s a 5-step formula that works WAYYY better than time-outs.
- Feel amazing, confident, and empowered as a parent, every day. I NEVER go to bed feeling guilty anymore! (Okay, well maybe sometimes…’ mom guilt’ is still a thing.)