The One Phrase To Use When Your Toddler Doesn’t Listen
As any parent of a toddler knows, the constant testing of boundaries can be exhausting. One afternoon, I was trying to get my toddler ready for nap time, and she was refusing to put down her toy and head to her room. I could feel my frustration rising.
Despite my repeated requests, it was like she didn’t even hear me. Sound familiar? That was when I remembered a simple phrase I had read about—and to my surprise, it worked like magic!
The truth is, toddlers often don’t listen because they’re overwhelmed or distracted. So instead of repeating yourself or raising your voice, there’s one phrase that can change everything: “I see you’re having fun, but it’s time to [insert action].”
This technique acknowledges their feelings while gently steering them toward the action you need them to take. Let’s break down why this works and how you can start using it effectively.
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1. Acknowledge Their Emotions
Toddlers are in a phase of big feelings, and it’s easy for them to get frustrated when interrupted.
By saying, “I see you’re having fun,” you’re letting them know that you understand and validate what they’re feeling.
This can instantly lower their defenses. If you’re struggling with understanding and managing toddler emotions, parenting books on emotional intelligence can offer helpful strategies. My favorite book is the Whole Brain Child.
2. Gently Redirect
Instead of saying, “Stop what you’re doing,” this phrase offers a clear next step: “It’s time to [take a nap, clean up, get dressed].”
By framing it this way, you’re guiding them rather than giving a demand, which can often provoke resistance. Having tools like toddler-friendly visual schedules or routine charts can make transitions smoother and reduce frustration.
3. Use a Calm, Steady Tone
The delivery of the phrase is just as important as the words themselves. Speak in a calm, steady voice, even when you’re frustrated.
Your toddler will pick up on your calmness, and it’s more likely to result in cooperation.
For moms who struggle with staying calm in the heat of the moment (trust me, I’ve been there), consider using a stress-relief essential oil (this is what I use) or calming tea to help you maintain your composure.
4. Repeat as Necessary
Sometimes, toddlers need to hear things more than once to process it, and that’s okay. Gently repeat the phrase without escalating your tone.
Toddlers are learning to regulate their own emotions, and your consistency helps them develop that skill.
Consider using positive reinforcement tools like a sticker chart to reward listening behavior.
5. Create a Routine
Toddlers thrive on routine, and when they know what’s coming next, transitions can become easier.
When you use the same phrase each time, it becomes part of their predictable routine, helping them feel more secure.
A routine board or task chart can help reinforce these habits in a fun and engaging way for your toddler.
Why This Phrase Works
This simple phrase works because it combines empathy with clear direction. Toddlers are just beginning to understand their emotions, and by acknowledging their feelings, you’re building trust.
Redirecting them gently helps them shift focus without feeling like they’re being controlled. It also opens up a space for collaboration rather than confrontation.
Using this phrase consistently has made a big difference in how my toddler responds to me.
Rather than feeling like I’m in a constant battle for cooperation, I’ve noticed a shift in her willingness to listen—and it all starts with empathy.
So next time your toddler ignores your request, remember: “I see you’re having fun, but it’s time to [insert action].”
It’s a simple, powerful tool that brings more calm and connection to your interactions. With a little patience and the right approach, you’ll see more cooperation and fewer power struggles.
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As a first-time mom, I appreciate this article’s reminder that parenting is a learning process. Feeling overwhelmed and like you’re not doing everything right is easy. But this article shows that by focusing on giving your child a sense of control and involving them in decision-making, you can build a stronger relationship with your child and create a more peaceful home environment.
I have a busy schedule, and sometimes it feels like I don’t have the time to involve my kids in decision-making. But this article has shown me that it’s worth the effort. When I take the time to listen to my children and involve them in the decision-making process, I find that we have a much more harmonious household.
This is a great reminder that parenting is not about controlling our children, but rather guiding them. I have one son, and I find that when I take the time to listen to him and show him that I value his input, he is more likely to listen to me in return.
As a father of three girls, I can say that this article is so true. It’s easy to fall into the trap of being authoritarian and just telling your kids what to do. But when you take the time to explain your reasoning and give them a say in the matter, they are much more likely to listen and comply.
This article is spot on! I have two active boys, and getting them to listen can be a challenge. However, I find that when I use the author’s suggestion of giving them a sense of control and involving them in decision-making, they are much more willing to cooperate.