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Parenting Mindset: Your Relationship Is Affected by How You See Your Child on Bad Days

Parenting Mindset: Your Relationship Is Affected by How You See Your Child on Bad Days

Here are some inexpensive summer activities and things to do with your family if you’re looking for something to do the way you perceive your child on bad days, and how you react or respond to them, is crucial to your relationship and connection with them. Moms may use positive affirmation cards to remind themselves to be calm, be present, and respond rather than react.

Parenting Mindset And Your Relationship With Your Children

The vision you have in your head of what parenting will be like BEFORE you have children is very different from what it will be like once they arrive.

I have difficult days with my children on a regular basis.

I have days when I’m so exhausted that I can’t even put on decent pyjamas and fall asleep precisely 3 minutes after they do.

On other days, the only accomplishment I feel I’ve made is cleaning up after a tornado has blown through the home.

I have days when I look at photographs and feel very fortunate to be the mother of these three amazing children.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a parent, it’s that life is a circus.

It’s hectic, sleepless, and happy all at the same time. Having children is full of beautiful laughs and sweet hugs, but it also includes picking your child up off the floor at Target when you tell them they can’t have a toy.

I sometimes wish I could call a timeout and have everything stop moving. I’m going to get a real hot cup of coffee and sit on the sofa in silence for 20 minutes. Then, when I’m ready, I’ll unfreeze time and we’ll keep moving forward.

The truth is, parenthood is only as difficult as you make it out to be.

(Of course, there will always be circumstances that aren’t related to what I’m talking about, such as health concerns, emergencies, and occurrences beyond our control.)

Your Parenting Mindset

Let me offer you two examples of how you can look at your child:

You believe your child is DIFFICULT.
Do you believe your child is difficult?
Do you tell other people or your child about how difficult he or she is?
Whether you realize it or not, you’re instilling in yourself the belief that your child is tough.
It will affect how you view him, treat him, and respond to him, and if you say anything along these lines within hearing distance, it will become a label for how he sees himself.

You EMPATHIZE with your kid’s behaviour and view it as a message for you
What if you saw that your child is behaving out of sorrow, grief, or fear, even in the midst of an outburst or act of aggression?
If you could understand what’s underlying the behaviour rather than simply believing they’re being “her,” you could behave differently, right?

When you look at the heart of what your childrens behaviour is trying to tell you, you’re less likely to label them.

This is something I’m familiar with because I used to do it. I used to think of my son as tough, demanding, and obstinate… When I decided to focus on the bad, though, I was losing out on all of his positive qualities.

Because of the unfair label I gave him, I was losing out on all of his positive qualities. More significantly, I was missing what was going on emotionally inside of him and was unable to respond compassionately and emphatically.

Examples of a Different Parenting Mindset Perspectives:

Labeling Mindset

“It’s a bad day today. The kids were terrible. In the vehicle, Sam got a flat tyre. The couch is covered with shattered goldfish, and no one ate the supper I prepared. Why must they be so difficult?”

Searching For The Good

“Today wasn’t the best of days, but we’re all human, and we all have terrible days. It’s fine if my kids have a rough day as well. At the very least, they had had all of their breakfast and lunch, so perhaps they weren’t in the mood for a large supper. They did, in fact, take nice naps and have a fantastic time at the park. While several aspects of the day did not go as planned, the day as a whole was not difficult. “Perhaps things weren’t as awful as they seemed.”

Does Your Parenting Mindset Need Adjusting?

  1. How do you perceive your children, partner, and family members?
  2. What are your thoughts on difficult situations?
  3. What is your first frame of mind focused on? Do you allow yourself to wallow or simmer in difficult situations? (Positive or negative)
  4. Do you prefer a half-full or half-empty glass?

It’s critical to have a good mentality in childbirth and as a parent if you want to be happy.

What You Should Do Next:

1. Subscribe To My Parenting Newsletter

Sign Up For My Parenting Newsletter for tips on creating a happier home and becoming a more positive parent. As a bonus when you subscribe you’ll get a copy of my FREE Growth Mindset Printout For Kids which is the KEY to raising resilient kids with a growth mindset.

2. Register For A Pretty Awesome FREE 60-Minute Class:

Register for a free class called GET KIDS TO LISTEN THE RIGHT WAY; an exclusive FREE class from nationally recognized parenting coach, Amy McCready.

3. Sign Up For A 7 Step Positive Parenting Course

Enroll now in the most in-depth parenting class. After discovering these common sense, easy-to-implement, research-based tools you can learn how to:
  • Easily get kids to listen – the FIRST time. No yelling or reminding…not even once!
  • Put an end to daily power struggles. Bedtime became a breeze, and all the dawdling, chore wars, sibling rivalry, and mealtime meltdowns disappeared.
  • Reduce backtalk by HALF! It’s simple once you know the secrets of these two ‘buckets.’
  • Say goodbye to punishments that DON’T work. There’s a 5-step formula that works WAYYY better than time-outs.
  • Feel amazing, confident, and empowered as a parent, every day. I NEVER go to bed feeling guilty anymore! (Okay, well maybe sometimes…’ mom guilt’ is still a thing.)
Got a threenager? You want this class. Got an actual tween or teen? Then what are you waiting for? Sign up for the webinar right NOW and watch the BEST, most life-changing parenting video ever.

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References

  1. 2.Connell A, Bullock BM, Dishion TJ, Shaw D, Wilson M, Gardner F. Family Intervention Effects on Co-occurring Early Childhood Behavioral and Emotional Problems: A Latent Transition Analysis Approach. J Abnorm Child Psychol. Published online May 13, 2008:1211-1225. doi:10.1007/s10802-008-9244-6
  2. 3.Smokowski PR, Bacallao ML, Cotter KL, Evans CBR. The Effects of Positive and Negative Parenting Practices on Adolescent Mental Health Outcomes in a Multicultural Sample of Rural Youth. Child Psychiatry Hum Dev. Published online June 1, 2014:333-345. doi:10.1007/s10578-014-0474-2
  3. 4.Eisenberg N, Zhou Q, Spinrad TL, Valiente C, Fabes RA, Liew J. Relations Among Positive Parenting, Children’s Effortful Control, and Externalizing Problems: A Three-Wave Longitudinal Study. Child Development. Published online September 2005:1055-1071. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8624.2005.00897.x
  4. 5.Neppl TK, Conger RD, Scaramella LV, Ontai LL. Intergenerational continuity in parenting behavior: Mediating pathways and child effects. Developmental Psychology. Published online 2009:1241-1256. doi:10.1037/a0014850
  5. 6.Leidy MS, Guerra NG, Toro RI. Positive parenting, family cohesion, and child social competence among immigrant Latino families. Journal of Family Psychology. Published online 2010:252-260. doi:10.1037/a0019407
  6. 7.Riley AR, Wagner DV, Tudor ME, Zuckerman KE, Freeman KA. A Survey of Parents’ Perceptions and Use of Time-out Compared to Empirical Evidence. Academic Pediatrics. Published online March 2017:168-175. doi:10.1016/j.acap.2016.08.004
  7. 8.Gouveia MJ, Carona C, Canavarro MC, Moreira H. Self-Compassion and Dispositional Mindfulness Are Associated with Parenting Styles and Parenting Stress: the Mediating Role of Mindful Parenting. Mindfulness. Published online March 2, 2016:700-712. doi:10.1007/s12671-016-0507-y

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