What to Say Instead of “Good Job” Why Should You Stop Saying “Good Job”
How frequently do you congratulate someone on a job well done? Or are you doing a good job? Is it better to be great? Without uttering a single “Good Job” or “Good Work,” learn how to carefully construct meaningful and positive praise that is particular to your childrens talents, accomplishments, characteristics, and areas of weakness. When you follow these methods, genuine praise will go a long way toward boosting your childrens confidence.
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Saying Good Job
When we’re not completely involved with our children and need a fast handout to soothe them, saying “excellent job” becomes a habit.
If you provide praise to your children every time they do anything or want to show you something, they will not only learn to anticipate it, but they will also learn that your praise is fake.
It’s extremely simple to use the term “excellent work” carelessly, for example:
Today’s soccer performance was excellent.
You ate your entire lunch, which is great.
You did an excellent job of gathering up your belongings.
You did an excellent job putting your shoes on by yourself.
You did a fantastic job leaping from the diving board on your own.
It was really generous of you to give your toys; well done!
You see how simple it is to be vague and repeat this term every day, all day, especially if you’re driving in automatic mode?
If you can’t give specific constructive praise regarding a talent, accomplishment, trait, or one of their strengths, then you might as well not give them a “nice job” since it won’t help them at all.
When you lavish praise on your children, they will grow to anticipate it for even the most basic actions.
When a child anticipates praise and doesn’t get it, their self-esteem and confidence suffer.
They may experience emotions of unworthiness, failure, and uncertainty in their skills if they don’t get what they’ve grown to anticipate. Children who are unable to cope with not receiving praise will lack the confidence they require to face failure and conquer obstacles.
When you praise too much and then stop, children will seek attention by engaging in attention-seeking behaviour. Worse, as children become reliant on praise or rewards, they will stop enjoying activities that would normally bring them joy – painting, competing, building, etc. – instead, they will engage in these activities solely for the purpose of receiving praise or a reward, and the love they once had will dwindle.
Giving concrete instances of praise may help your kid not only grow confidence and self-esteem, but also problem solve, communicate more effectively, believe in their own skills, and face failure.
Children can tell if you’re only paying attention to the part of what they’re saying or if you’re just giving them a passing glance or an obligatory “good job” to pacify them.
Stop what you’re doing for a few seconds, observe them, and truly look at the image they’re presenting you. The simple way out is to say a half-hearted “good work,” which is dismissive praise and a blanket answer that accomplishes nothing. Instead, be specific and complement their character, work, and talents, which will go a long way toward boosting their self-esteem and confidence.
Here are a few examples:
“I like the colours you selected to paint with; they’re so unique and lovely!”
“Thank you for being a thoughtful big brother and assisting your little sister in putting her shoes on.”
“It was extremely considerate of you to put all your dishes in the dishwasher.”
Let Them Know They Did A Great Job By Using “YOU”
I want to provide praise to my children in a way that demonstrates that appreciation is for something they performed well.
Consider the following scenario:
“I admire how hard you pushed to get across those monkey bars. YOU are a really strong person who didn’t give up when things became tough.”
“IT WAS SO NICE OF YOU to share your toys with your sister. I could see YOU didn’t want to see her sad when you noticed she was angry, and what YOU did was really nice.”
“I know you really wanted to win the race today, but I could see you tried your hardest, and I’m impressed that you showed excellent sportsmanship by congratulating the winner. I’m really proud of you.”
This goes far further than merely saying, “Way to go on the monkey bars,” “Way to go sharing your toys,” or “Way to go in your race.”
Each phrase takes more thinking on the side of the adult to put together more dynamic praise, but it successfully communicates to the kid what they did well and a strength that they demonstrated.
50 Things To Say Instead Of Good Job
- You put a lot of effort into the project.
- Your photograph has a lot of detail.
- It required a lot of patience to get there.
- Your hard work has paid off.
- This demonstrates commitment.
- You’ve mastered the art of printing your name.
- You made the sky purple and the home blue (describe what you see)
- It takes a lot of creativity to come up with it.
- You made a bold decision.
- You showed excellent sportsmanship tonight.
- How inventive are you?
- You worked together to repair the fort, which was fantastic cooperation!
- What a wise decision!
- It takes a lot of guts to speak out for a buddy.
- Could you elaborate on your drawing?
- I was struck by how nicely the towels were folded.
- Thank you very much!
- You’ve got this!
- Returning the money you discovered demonstrates your integrity.
- You spoke to Mrs. Johnson with great respect tonight.
- This is a huge test, and you’re making good use of your study time.
- Congratulations for completing the task!
- You’re working on one-foot balance.
- When you handed Amanda that toy, she grinned.
- You’ve been slaving away on your book report all night.
- You appear ecstatic!
- What is your favourite part?
- Could you demonstrate how you constructed this Lego tower?
- Sharing your ice cream with your sister was a thoughtful gesture.
- That’s a difficult piano piece; you’re making great progress.
- You’re bouncing around the living room on your toes.
- Congratulations on finishing your first chapter book!
- You are an excellent role model for the other students in the class.
- Your “A” demonstrates the amount of time and effort you put into this project.
- All of the books are returned to their proper places on the shelf.
- You completed it in record time.
- I appreciate your patience with your sister.
- That was a really considerate gesture.
- Your talent to create such touching poetry astounds me.
- You’re deliberating about your options.
- This demonstrates your strength.
- We wouldn’t have been able to accomplish it without you.
- You’re putting your creativity to good use.
- What a lovely grin!
- You accomplished it entirely on your own!
- I love the colors you used, tell me more about that.
- If in doubt, quiet is acceptable. We don’t have to compliment our children on everything they do.
Put Your Good Job Phrases Into Action
This week, keep track of how many times you say, “Good Job,” to your children.
Next, try substituting one of these recommendations for a couple of those statements.
You don’t have to compliment everything your child does, says, or makes. Choose items that truly stand out or accentuate their personality.
Keep an eye on your childrens reaction. Do you feel like you’ve accomplished something? Do you see them repeating these sentences without being asked? Do you discover a new source of inner drive that you weren’t aware of before?
You did an excellent job!
What You Should Do Next:
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- Easily get kids to listen – the FIRST time. No yelling or reminding…not even once!
- Put an end to daily power struggles. Bedtime became a breeze, and all the dawdling, chore wars, sibling rivalry, and mealtime meltdowns disappeared.
- Reduce backtalk by HALF! It’s simple once you know the secrets of these two ‘buckets.’
- Say goodbye to punishments that DON’T work. There’s a 5-step formula that works WAYYY better than time-outs.
- Feel amazing, confident, and empowered as a parent, every day. I NEVER go to bed feeling guilty anymore! (Okay, well maybe sometimes…’ mom guilt’ is still a thing.)
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