Beyond Obedience: Raising Well-Rounded Kids

We all desire well-behaved children preferably with a cheerful and happy attitude). We become concerned when this does not occur. What if we removed obedience from its pedestal and instead concentrated on establishing a solid foundation? Here are three factors that are more important than your childrens compliance.

The gold standard in parenting has often been seen as a child’s compliance, where obedience is celebrated and disobedience leads to fear-based punishment and consequences. However, what if we shifted our perspective and aimed to build a strong foundation that supports our children’s growth through the challenges of childhood? To achieve this, we should reconsider the importance of “obedience” and focus on nurturing three other essential traits.

This post may contain affiliate links. Full privacy policy and disclosure here.

🌟 Ready to Elevate Your Parenting Skills?
Join A FREE Parenting Class with Expert Guidance!
Click Now for an Enriching Experience! 🚀

The Challenge of Nurturing Obedience in Children

We all desire our children to follow our guidance in parenting, as it certainly makes our responsibilities easier and more convenient.

However, we should consider whether blind obedience is truly beneficial for our children in the long run. Should they unquestioningly follow every command, and how do we address disobedience?

When children obey without understanding, they may not develop critical thinking skills and become individuals who struggle to advocate for themselves.

On the other hand, rewarding disobedience is not the solution either, as there are moments when immediate compliance is necessary, especially in emergencies.

Children are not robots; they are regular individuals trying to make sense of our world.

Disobedience is a normal part of their development, as they experiment to understand what is acceptable and unacceptable. It’s essential to distinguish between normal disobedience and extreme rebellion, addressing the latter with a tailored approach.

Children learn by observing adults, so modeling positive behavior is crucial.

Additionally, mischievousness and disobedience are different; when kids engage in innocent play and pranks, it’s usually a sign of their sense of fun, not rebellion.

What Matters More Than Obedience

Trust is essential; your child’s obedience should stem from a foundation of trust, not fear. They need to feel emotionally safe, knowing that they can make mistakes without fear and be open and honest with you. Building a solid relationship with your child is crucial; without it, you may face either robotic obedience or rebellion.

Prioritize connection over correction to convey that your child is loved and respected regardless of their actions. Allow your child space to learn and grow, as child development is a gradual process.

Curiosity and collaboration are key to addressing issues together, providing skills and support rather than expecting them to figure it out alone.

When faced with disobedience, take a step back, assess your foundation, and ensure your child feels safe, your bond is strong, and your interest in their behavior is genuine.

Here are some options to consider:

Stay calm when sibling conflicts arise.
Practice active listening instead of dominating the conversation.
Adjust your expectations to match your children’s developmental stage.
Set aside time for one-on-one conversations.
Explore the possibility of hiring a math tutor.
Take a deep breath before responding.
Consider seeking guidance from a therapist.
Create a visual school morning routine chart.
Cultivate empathy rather than passing judgment.
Manage personal stress by incorporating regular runs.
Involve your child in household chores.
Dedicate 10 minutes daily to play with Legos.
Put your phone away during school pick-up.
Share three positive affirmations with each child daily.
Slip an encouraging note into their lunchbox.
Review the family calendar for better organization.
Aim for an extra 10 minutes of sleep. The possibilities for positive actions are endless!

Instead of equating “good parenting” solely with children’s obedience, we can redefine it as parents who work alongside their children, offering them unwavering love and guidance to help them learn from their errors and progress in a positive way. This is the true gold standard of parenting.

References

MacLean, P. D. (1990). The Evolutionary Layers Of The Human Brain.
McLeod, S. (2022). Pavlov’s Dogs.
Neiva, F. (2019). The “triune brain” is the hypothesis of neurologist Paul MacLean.
Bremner, J. D. (2006). Does stress damage the brain?
Seaward, B. L. (2019). Managing Stress: Principles and Strategies for Health and Wellbeing.
Mahan, A. L., & Ressler, K. J. (2012). Fear conditioning, synaptic plasticity and the amygdala: implications for posttraumatic stress disorder.
Antic, S. D. (2008). Limbic system – Emotional Experience.
Sheffield Morris, A., Silk, J. S., Steinberg, L., Myers, S. S., & Robinson, L. R. (2007). The Role of the Family Context in the Development of Emotion Regulation.
Trickett, P. K., & Kuczynski, L. (1986). Children’s misbehaviors and parental discipline strategies in abusive and nonabusive families.
Herringa, R. J., Birn, R. M., Ruttle, P. L., Burghy, C. A., Stodola, D. E., Davidson, R. J., & Essex, M. J. (2013). Childhood maltreatment is associated with altered fear circuitry and increased internalizing symptoms by late adolescence.
Mahan, A. L., & Ressler, K. J. (2012). Fear conditioning, synaptic plasticity and the amygdala: implications for posttraumatic stress disorder.
Morris, A. S., Silk, J. S., Steinberg, L., Myers, S. S., & Robinson, L. R. (2007). The Role of the Family Context in the Development of Emotion Regulation.
Nix, R. L., Pinderhughes, E. E., Dodge, K. A., Bates, J. E., Pettit, G. S., & McFadyen-Ketchum, S. A. (1999). The Relation between Mothers’ Hostile Attribution Tendencies and Children’s Externalizing Behavior Problems: The Mediating Role of Mothers’ Harsh Discipline Practices.
Eisenberg, N., Fabes, R. A., Shepard, S. A., Guthrie, I. K., Murphy, B. C., & Reiser, M. (1999). Parental Reactions to Children’s Negative Emotions: Longitudinal Relations to Quality of Children’s Social Functioning.
Mulhern Jr., R. K., & Passman, R. H. (1981). The Child’s Behavioral Pattern as a Determinant of Maternal Punitiveness.
Snyder, J., Cramer, A., Afrank, J., & Patterson, G. R. (2005). The Contributions of Ineffective Discipline and Parental Hostile Attributions of Child Misbehavior to the Development of Conduct Problems at Home and School.
Benzies, K., Keown, L. A., & Magill-Evans, J. (2009). Immediate and Sustained Effects of Parenting on Physical Aggression in Canadian Children Aged 6 Years and Younger.
MacMillan, H. L., Boyle, M. H., Wong, M. Y., Duku, E. K., Fleming, J. E., & Walsh, C. A. (1999). Slapping and spanking in childhood and its association with lifetime prevalence of psychiatric disorders in a general population sample.