Why Anger Isn’t a Bad Thing & How to Learn From Your Rage
How to use your anger, irritation, or desire to quit shouting at your children as a teaching tool. What your anger is trying to tell you, and how you may use it to improve your life.
There’s a lot of discussion about the necessity of keeping calm, especially when it comes to adopting a positive parenting approach.
That is not the aim, and it is not the definition of peaceful parenting.
Yes, I understand that it is possible to cease shouting, but is it feasible to be calm 100 percent of the time?
After all, we’re humans, not machines, and repressing our feelings just adds to the fire.
The disadvantage of all this rhetoric about being a calm parent is that if you’re feeling stressed or have recently raised your voice, you’ll lose your cool… It might make you feel guilty, or even worse like you’ve let yourself down.
The tiny voice in your brain says things to you like…
- “You’re a terrible parent!”
- “How come you can’t act like an adult and be in charge?”
- “What’s the matter with you?!?”
- “You’re causing harm to your children; why can’t you just stop?”
- “You’re a terrible parent!”
We have a lot of sensations as part of being human, and we often repress them; we just keep pushing them down again and again… Until they have nowhere else to go except outside.
It’s impossible to dispute that remaining calm is beneficial.
When you’re continually berating yourself for shouting or failing to keep your cool among your kids, remaining calm becomes work.
The trouble with this is that, rather than truly attempting to locate a calm reaction inside yourself and reacting to your child’s strong emotions with empathy, being calm becomes a show of forcing down your feelings for the sake of appearances, rather than a true response.
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What Your Anger Means
Anger, irritation, and stress are just a few of the emotions I’m talking about today.
Because our brains are programmed to respond to the sentiments of those around us, it may be difficult to remain calm when our children are having difficulties.
There’s good news if you’re having trouble controlling your rage.
You’re not crazy, and you’re not alone. I’ll keep my word.
Right now, I want to inform you that it’s fine to be furious or irritated since acknowledging these feelings has advantages.
Yes, I just claimed that being furious isn’t a negative thing and that it doesn’t automatically make you a poor parent.
Emotions are advantageous because they provide information.
Consider them to be information highways with carloads of data.
The vehicles transmit instructions to your brain teaching you how to feel, behave, and react when you are happy, pleased, and loved, as well as unhappy, furious, annoyed, and concerned.
Cars with sirens and flashing lights occasionally appear, and these vehicles are merely attempting to alert you that something is wrong.
When you feel these emotions – rage, irritation, impatience, tension, and so on – it’s critical that you take the time to learn and develop from them by delving into the information your emotions are telling you.
You can go ahead and acquire the confidence to perform better in the future after you understand where these feelings originate from and why they trigger you.
Learning From Your Anger
We work hard as parents to teach our children about emotions and consider emotional intelligence as an important element of their growth.
Learning from emotions, on the other hand, is a lifelong endeavour.
You can learn a lot from experiences and triggering events if you’re eager to learn from them.
Here are some of the advantages of examining what information anger, irritation, shouting, tension, feeling threatened, and other “negative” emotions are attempting to convey.
- It will show you what makes you react in a certain way.
- It reveals regions where you require further assistance; it reveals childhood wounds; and it reveals insecure zones.
- It indicates where a line has been crossed.
- It shows you where you still have emotional scars that need to be healed. It also shows you what needs to be altered or investigated further.
- It reveals areas where you require greater connection or where you are lonely or alone.
Emotions are like the tip of the iceberg.
The emotion that comes out on the surface is what you see – your rage, irritation, tension from being late, and so on.
What you can’t see while looking at an iceberg is what’s underneath the surface.
When you dive into your emotions and want to decipher where your anger originates from, what triggers you, and how to take good steps ahead, this is the missing knowledge you need to uncover.
Identifying the Source of Your Anger
We frequently desire to go forward while we’re in a heightened state of feeling, but how often do we use the knowledge our emotions provide to better ourselves in the future and in a positive way?
Take a few minutes after you’ve calmed down the next time you’re upset to analyze the facts around your feelings, including:
- What was your surroundings like before you became enraged?
- How did you feel before, during, and after?
- How was your day leading up to the incident?
- How did your body feel prior to, during, and after the procedure?
- Are you alone, lonely, supported, or solo parenting as a parent?
- What cues did your body offer you as you became agitated and before yelling?
- Iceberg emotions are triggered by flashbacks to prior circumstances, childhood, and so forth.
When you look into what happened before, during, and after your major emotions, you’ll discover a few key details:
- What kinds of trends did you notice?
- What was the “true” cause of your rage?
- What were the first symptoms that your body was becoming overheated?
- What can you learn now to be better prepared if the circumstance arises again?
Once you’ve cooled down, fill out the Anger Discovery worksheet with your findings. It doesn’t matter if it’s an hour or a few hours after the occurrence; what counts is the time you spend pondering on what led to your strong emotions.
It’s crucial to understand that there is no right or wrong method to do this activity. Anger and emotions are unique to each individual. Nobody’s childhood, surroundings, ideas, or sentiments are the same as yours.
You Can Do Something About Your Anger
Now that you know why you get angry, you can do something about it.
When you’re doing this exercise, the greatest thing you can do to help yourself stay calm is to be nice to yourself, especially when the tiny voice in your brain criticizes your parenting, shames you, or attempts to make you feel guilty or like a poor parent.
Take a deep breath in and out.
Use words that are kind, compassionate, and supportive, just like you would with your child.
You’re doing your best to move forward in a good way, which requires courage and compassion for yourself.
Make a strategy for the next time a problem arises if you’ve identified a pattern to your triggers and fury. Then prepare a backup plan, because figuring out what works may sometimes be a trial and error process, and the initial effort may not be the best course of action.
Being a calm parent is beneficial, especially when dealing with emotional circumstances with your children, but it is not the most essential objective of parenting.
If you choose to learn from situations and emotions, including rage, you may become a more peaceful parent.