The One Thing You Need To Do When You Find Your Child Using Negative Self Talk

This post may contain affiliate links. Full privacy policy and disclosure here.

If your child uses negative language to describe a frustrating situation and you want some resources to aid you in helping a child with negative self-talk, this is the right place for you!

As a parent it is very sad to hear your child say phrases such as “I’m dumb” and ” I can’t get anything right”.

This kind of negative self talk is very damaging to their self esteem.

It may seem obvious to that this kind of thing is damaging to their confidence but there’s so much more to it than just that.

When you hear your child saying these words about themselves I know the very first thing you wanna do is step in and be a hero and tell your child that that can’t possibly be true.

To address your child’s negative self talk right away the first thing you ACTUALLY need to do is to put yourself into their shoes and really figure out why are they saying the things they’re saying while doing what they are doing.

You can then respond appropriately to the situation such as “wow that math problem is really difficult”.

Instead of rescuing your child and telling them they’re so smart and they can figure this problem out if they put their head in the game it’s a good idea to tell your child that wow that math problem is actually difficult.

This reassures your child that the math problem is in fact difficult and that your child is not at all stupid.

Putting that doubt in their head that they could be wrong about being stupid or dumb or that they can’t do something is exactly what you want to do.

Continue reading if you want to know more about handling negative self talk because I have a few tips that I learned from a parenting course called positive parenting solutions and I would love to share all of my knowledge with you.

If you’re new to gentle parenting and are interested about learning how gentle parenting works I have a free guide of 5 secrets of gentle parenting that can upscale your parenting journey and make your life a lot easier.

Your reaction to negative self talk matters

The first thing you want to do when your child is using negative self talk is rescue them and tell them that they’re doing great and everything’s gonna be OK but that’s actually not the right thing. That’s the natural parenting instinct, and while it’s not wrong, it is less effective.

Play Detective

Instead the thing that you want to do is get curious. Ask your child questions.

I mean you can’t exactly repair a problem if you don’t know the exact reason that the problem exists.

So put your parenting detective hat on and ask questions about what’s going on.

You might be surprised to know that your child might not actually be feeling the negative words that they were saying about themselves they might actually only be frustrated with the problem that’s in front of them.

This means that they don’t actually think that they’re being stupid they actually just have an issue with a difficult situation.

When playing detective with your kids you need to figure out if the child is actually using that negative self talk to describe their current feeling or if they’re using that negative self talk because they are upset about a whole different situation that doesn’t even apply to the current time.

See also: The Secret To Helping A Perfectionist Child Through Difficult Moments

Listen Carefully To Their Concern

Sometimes it’s hard to tell what your child is thinking. In order to figure out what the issue is you need to get to the core of their emotion and acknowledge the feeling not the words they used.

For example in the above problem of the difficult math is the problem actually connected to the difficult math assignment or is he feeling like feeling like hes less than his peers. Is he maybe feeling foolish for not being able to answer the questions.

Getting to the root cause of the emotion will help you figure out the problem so that you can actually help your child and for child and bring back their confidence.

See also: Confidence In Kids Is Influenced By These Emotional Needs

When Negative Self Talk Occurs, You Need To Help Your child Foster a Growth Mindset

If you notice that negative self talk is a problem with your child on a regular basis you really need to work on growing your child’s growth mindset.

This basically means you should try to put your child into a state of mind where they can take more information and learn and grow from any mistakes that they make.

This actually isn’t a very easy task and the big life journal ( You Can Buy One On Amazon!!) is one of the best resources that can help children write down what’s on their mind and help them cultivate that growth mindset and discuss negative selftalk.

You can also remind your child that feelings don’t define them. We all have times where we cannot confront difficult situations where we don’t know how to solve a problem and we doubt our own brain but just because we encounter these situations it does not mean that we are dumb.

Learning how to process your feelings is a very difficult task and many adults are still struggling with it myself included so we cannot expect our children to just know how to deal with their feelings we need to teach that to them.

When a child is using negative self talk they are basically telling you that they don’t know how to process their feelings and it is a indication that they need assistance which is why you should carefully respond to negative selftalk.

See also: 7 Guaranteed Ways To Raise A Confident Daughter

How You Can Help Your Child Use Negative self-Language

When you hear your child use a negative self talk self talk you can try to play detective and figure out what’s going on in the moment and be able to fix the situation in the moment.

You also want to help foster a growth mindset after you already find out that they’ve been using negative self talk but there are a few things that you can do on a regular basis to help your child use more positive language about themselves.

Here are 5 more things that you can do to help your child use more positive language when it comes to talking about themselves.

Try A Positivity Jar

It may sound silly to you if you’ve never used something like a positivity during your life before but it’s actually a very effective method of helping children boost their self esteem.

A positivity jar is a jar where you can leave notes that are positive that describe your child effort persistent compassion and Passion and any other words of encouragement the encouragement that your child will be happy.

This isn’t a way for you to suck up to your child as many parents perceive this kind of positivity chart positivity jar to be it is simply a way to remind your child that they are special and they matter.

Adjust The Environment

If your child is using negative words when describing themselves you might want to consider adjusting your environment and creating more warm and positive tone.

When you use lots of empathy and encouragement with your child they are much more likely to feel comfortable in the environment that they spend their days in.

That doesn’t mean that you have to praise your child on every little wonderful thing that they do it doesn’t mean though that you should point out efforts that you have noticed that your child made.

See also: 15 Easy Solutions To Help Your Child With Their Self Esteem

Sport a Positive Attitude Yourself

Kids are like sponges and they absorb everything and anything in their environment so if you want your child to be more positive it only makes sense that you are more positive yourself.

As hard as it is to stop criticizing ourselves we need to stop that so that our children also do not criticize themselves.

Even something as simple as dropping a dish in the kitchen while cooking dinner and saying oh my “Gosh I’m so stupid how did that even happen?” can have a negative impact on your child because then they see that you see yourself as someone who is stupid.

You can be a positive role model to your children and it doesn’t have to be very difficult you just have to use more happy and positive words when describing things that you do.

Use Compliments and Praise

Another way you can build confidence within your child is to use compliments and praise.

Once again it does not mean that you need to praise your child for every little thing that they do.

It’s a good idea to tell your child that you are proud of any goals they have achieved and even if they didn’t win the race you can tell them that you are proud that they tried their very best.

This also does not mean that you need to give your child an award every time they attempt something but you can encourage your child to try again next time or time or tell them that they did a good job this time.

Gentle parenting isn’t about sparing children’s feelings it’s actually more about telling children that it’s OK to feel feelings and how to cope with those feelings.

Teach Coping Techniques

While we’re on the topic of learning how to deal with feelings another way you can build confidence in your child is to teach coping skills when they’re facing a difficult problem.

We don’t want to hide problems for from our kids. And when problems do occur it is our job as parents to help our children find their way through that problem.

If you find that your children get angry there are anger games that work from kids that are quite small to teenagers.

I also like to use yoga at home to calm down the kids, if they get angry/ upset/ negative.

Stopping The Negative Self Talk In children

I hope this guide was helpful to parents who feel lost about their children who use negative self talk.

Please keep in mind that I am a simply apparent just like you who has read quite a few books and taken quite a few courses on how to use gentle parenting on children to help them cope with difficult situations.

If you are still struggling with difficult behaviors I highly suggest taking a look at the positive parenting solutions course. It can be quite pricey for someone who’s on a budget however there is a one hour webinar that I believe every single parent in this world should take because it is super and safe and can help parents with kids of all ages.

If you are still struggling with your child using negative self talk I would highly suggest talking to the school counselor or possibly even a therapist because these kinds of matters are quite serious and if you can’t get your child to pop over to the more positive side of things there could be some problems when they get older.

Thank you for so much for stopping by tiredmomsupermom.com I really appreciate you reading the words that I wrote on this page. I really do hope they helped you.

When You Find Your Child Using Negative Self Talk

You may also like...